


The Girl from the World in the Wall

by High King Fen (Gizmo)



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fen is adorable, Fillory Pre-eliot, Gen, Graphic description of some death, patriarchy is winning, tree school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-03-05 21:46:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 43
Words: 68,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13396884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gizmo/pseuds/High%20King%20Fen
Summary: It has been decade since the reign of The Chatwins had been over and yet, Fillory was still there. Without Kings and Queens, The Beast took over and cast its shadow upon the magical land. And between two city, at the edge of the country side, live the Demici family, better known for their talent in blacksmith and other trades. When Fen was born, her destiny had been already traced for her by a grand-father she never got to meet.This is the story of the future wife of the High KingThis is the story of a FillorianThis is Fen, before Eliot.





	1. Interlude I

The Fool and the Witch came to Fillory  
Wanting power and strength  
They met Queen Jane in her youth and glory  
Helped her out and off they went

The misfortune was upon the blacksmith  
Whom they wanted something, and more  
They stroke a deal, creating power beyond the myth   
But it was them who went to his door

So he asked in return a simple favor  
That his family's destiny would be link to Whitespire  
The Fool and the Witch agreed with fervor  
Not knowing they lit the match to a fire

Now the blacksmith is dead  
The Fool and the witch disapeared  
His daughter he hope to wed  
Is now married as he'd fear

But his son grew old and strong  
Married and made sure one if his children was a girl  
Because words create bounds  
And if they come back, they wouldn't leave without his pearl

This is a song, my friend, to remind you  
Never agree to a blind deal  
Because only the Witch and the fool knew  
They'd never come back for real

_The Balad of the Witch and The Fool_ , from the book Fillorian Folkore Volume 3  
Author Unknown


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time she saw The Beast, Fen was eight years old.

**PART I: THE DEAL**  
Chapter 1

The first time she saw The Beast, Fen was eight years old.

Seated on the grass near the flying forest, she was plucking the herb and was trying to make time go faster as her dad and two of her brother had ventured into the wood to get the bark of a specific tree for an order the Mason Town just had given them. It was their first big order for months and everyone in the Demeci clan decided to help. Her dad had made it sound like they needed someone to look the edge of the forest and warn in case of any danger. But Fen wasn't stupid. She knew her dad wanted her safe and the forest ahead was not the most friendly to human. Frustrated, yet resigned, the young brunette ended up sitting on the floor and was wondering if the Watcher Woman, who was roaming the shadows of Fillory and frightening the old Chatwin kings and queen, was simply someone bored who found a way to make time go faster. The past two hours had been dragging and if she didn't change place and find a place in the shade, her fair skin would burn and redden. 

As she was walking under a blooming flower tree, she noticed that all the bird had stop singing. Even the air seemed to stand still and no ruffling of leaves or branches were making a sound. The air grew strangely colder like someone was draining everything good and magic about the space. The little girl heart started to beating fast, knowing from her fathers warning that this was the early sign of The Beast approach. No one knew why he was sucking out everything that was good in Fillory, but Fen didn't want to ask him in person. Her eyes spotted the tree she was shading in and without thinking, started to climb it. She wasn't the agilest, splinter got into her finger at the second branch she grabbed. But the fear running through his spine and the idea of being caught made her climb higher on a more solid branch. Thanks to her tiny frame and the width of the tree, it didn't took her much to blend with the green and white of the leaves and flowers. A red bird landed next to hear soundlessly and when it saw her, instead of signing or croaking away, scoot over her. As to ask for reassurance. Fen heart skipped a beat and stroke his feather.

Then she saw him. It. Walking with purpose toward the edge of the forest, a flock of moth hiding his face. Wondering how it could see despite the buzzing around was the first thing the little girl wonder. She never believed that a creature so powerful to kill magic and to scare away the Gods of Fillory, would wear gray pants and overcoat, a white shirt and something dark around his neck that was complimenting the outfit. She never had seen her father or anyone wear that kind of attire. She was used to the dark cloak of drawings of the Watcher Woman or the occasional bandits in rags. But this outfit was not only strange but didn't felt like it belongs to Fillory. As she was the six finger monster walking toward her, she started to wonder if he was even from this world. Maybe that was the secret of his power The moths flowing around him as a mask were the most unsettling thing she ever saw, wondering if he was controlling them or just didn't have a face. Either way was horrible in itself. 

The bird next to her went to hide in the pocket of her skirt. Fen was trembling with fear, trying to hold her breath. He was only a few feet away, probably entering the forest and... oh no what about her dad, Emlyn, and Alistair? They were still in there, probably unaware of the danger that was coming toward them. She gripped the branch she was holding on to, wondering if she should drop and distract him. Running away and making sure he chase her so he wouldn't kill them. It was a foolish hope that she'd survive this, but her family always came first. As it was reading her mind, the bird in her pocket pinched her lightly with its beak. Warning her not to follow such a suicidal plan. Scared, her heart beating she was sure the creature could hear it, she felt sweat running down her spine. Her eyes were wet with unwanted tears. She didn't know what to do or even if she should do anything. 

But as if she'd call her by thinking about it, the Watcher Woman walked from the forest toward The Beast. Her black cloak seemed to shine with the ray of the sun and despite her best effort, Fen couldn't make the outline of the face behind that hood. She couldn't believe that the two being the most fear in Fillory were looking at each other in silence, a few meter from the tree she was hidden too. 

''So now you are going after her. That is new. '' Said the surprisingly young and beautiful voice of the most fear woman in the kingdom. 

''What can I say '' Said the Beast. His voice felt like an echo answering to itself, distorting every word and making them sink into your skull like nails on a board. It made the little girl shiver. Hopefully, none of them saw the tree near them move a little. '' I have to keep you on your toe. What is the count now? Thirty-five? No, wait. Yes. Thirty-Nine. And yet you still try. I admire that. '' 

''I will not let you touch her. '' She said, taking a step toward The Beast. 

Fen held her breath, in awe at the unflinching confidence of the Watcher Woman in front of the terrifying thing she'd ever seen. Maybe she should be afraid of the woman in a dark cloak as well. Yet, she seemed here to stop him, not to endanger anyone. 

''And yet you let me kill the other over and over and over. What is it, they aren't cute and innocent so you stop caring about their death?''

''They can defend themselves, she can't '' 

'' You think they can. Last time I scattered your dear Julia in five different places. You should have seen Quentin's face it was as priceless as killing him. '' 

Who were those people The Beast was so happy to have killed and what were they talking about? Fen didn't know, but the image of someone getting shredded into pieces gave her a salt and iron copper taste in her mouth that made her nauseous. How could The Beast laugh at such atrocities?

'' My favorite yet is when I managed to have their shade destroyed as well. A pity you had to put a stop to that, I always wonder if Alice would have succeeded in finding a way to fix that. My guess was that she would go mad before it really happens. But alas. '' He had a deep sight that was meant to be sad but really wasn't. 

What was a shade and why would this Alice girl go mad, Fen didn't know, but she prayed Ember and Umber that this girl would find a peace The Beast was not counting on. Having someone wishing you the worst is as awful as the curse itself. 

The young girl had a nagging impression that if the Watcher woman was here, it was because she knew The Beast would come at this exact place at this exact moment. She does control time, after all, so she must know where to go at the right time. Yet, her cold voice and powerful aura made her as terrifying as the moth covered monster in front of her. Once again, it was a reminder that the Watcher Woman was not someone to take lightly. Seeing those two powerful being face to face was as terrifying than it was fascinating; this was a battle of power. Magic and might. 

The bird in Fen's pocket started to coo silently, as to calm her beating heart. She looked down to look at her impromptu partner who seemed to look back at her. Many animals in Fillory were intelligent, even more than human. Maybe this one couldn't speak but still understood what was happening. Or maybe, the danger was so great that even a simple creature of the wild could understand.. She stroked his feather once more. Their softness did reassure her; she might be scared out of her mind, but she wasn't alone. Not really. 

Distracted by the bird, she missed what happened next. But a loud crackling sound boomed into the field as a flash of light blinded her temporarily. It felt like falling into a thunderstorm: bright, quick flashes of electricity swarming her vision and rolls of monstrous thunder echoed in her ears.

When her sight when back to normal, both The Beast and The Watcher were gone. The air felt fresh, the tree went back to be blown by the wind and animals sound were filling the silence. Unable to move, she let the bird get out of her pocket, bite gently her skin one last time and flies away into the blue sky. Fen followed it with her eyes until she couldn't see anything. 

Her father found her in the same position in the tree two hours later, unaware of how close he had been to the danger. She was unable to move, talk or even breath normally. She knew she'd just witness something major, something that she was not meant to be. Life seemed darker and full of danger suddenly, it was not the save haven her family had built around her. She cried the moment Emlyn climbed into the tree and held her in his arm. Unable to stop and overcome by emotions, she had to be carried away home, still hearing The Beast voice echoing into her brain. She never spoke of this to anyone. But dreamed of it too often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks Jasper for being an amazing beta and Lexi to show me that amazing extension to improve my grammar!
> 
> Hope you enjoy, don't hesitate to put a kudo or a comment!


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beast decided to insert himself into Fen's life when she was two years old.

  
Chapter 2

Fen's mother died at the hand of The Beast. At least that is what the town's village had been gossiping about since the young lady could remember. Now eleven years old, she had been allowed to help with the task of going to town to deliver the few orders they had or to sell their finest craft to merchants who would who would turn around and sell them at double the price. Her dad never seemed to care about that. He was happier away from the town rumors. Emlyn was talking about moving out and opening a Demici shop back there, so their name and craft would be recognized. They use to be the blacksmith of Kings and Queens! _They should be more respected than that._ Her older brother said. But the three kids knew that the real reason for their place in the wood was due to their mother's death. His father couldn't care less about glory anymore. 

Fen never had the full story. Her dad would get teary or mad when she dares to ask and her brother would brush her curiosity off as something impolite or not to be talked about. Maybe they didn't know themselves. But the bits of information she got was terrifying enough that part of her might not want to know the full story. Fen was still a toddler at the time, barely in her second year of life. Her mother was at home taking care of the three kids and tending the house while her father was in town, selling his newest creation and taking orders from all over Fillory. Like Emlyn said, the Demici name use to be strong and powerful before. 

The Beast had entered the house through the fire, literally walking out of it. Moths had covered the entire room and darken the window, blocking the sun of any reassuring light. In the wave of his six-fingered hand, he extinguished the fire. Alistair had scooped up Fen and through his mother's order, he'd hid with Emlyn in a trapdoor under their pantry, where they would put meat and other food that needed a fresher temperature during the summer heat. Her big brother didn't have to silence her, by the way he was acting, little Fen knew something was wrong. Her earliest memory was sitting on that wooden floor, the iron smell of blood deepening as the red liquid was falling on her brother, the scent of salted meat hanging thick in the air. Fen had never liked the taste of ham after that day.

She didn't remember her mother's screams. Nor the battle or the noise that ensued. She didn't remember blood leaking through the wooden floor and falling over Alistair's brown curl. She didn't remember both brothers biting their hand not to cry. She didn't remember the song The Beast sang as he was looking for them. Nor his rage and him throwing furniture around. She didn't remember a silence too big for their mother not to be dead. She didn't remember any of it. 

But Emlyn and Alistair did and to this day, still, wake up in sweat from nightmares of that afternoon.  
Their father had found them at the same place they hid, clasped against one another, unable to say anything. Fen had fallen asleep, not understanding the danger they just avoided and feeling secure in her brother's arm. She only woke up when Emlyn had started to cry, seeing their father alive. Alistair had too. So she did too, not knowing why they were sad but seeing them upset made her want to cry too.

The Demici family became a whisper gossip in the High Town near Whitespire and other nearby villages. Nobody complained about the blacksmith shop being closed day after days, his affliction only half spoken, becoming a tale told around a pint in Inns and tea parlor. Nobody was surprised that, by the next season, the popular shop closed and was sold to become a bakery. That store closed six months after as food and crops were becoming scares. The clothing shop that opened after only stayed in business a year. The general store that was announced as a replacement never opened after the buyer died of a sudden heart failure. The building became one of the many things collateral shadow The Beast was casting of Fillory; nobody wanted it and it was believed cursed. It was still an abandoned house in High Town, a reminder of the demise of a great family of Blacksmith. Rumor was, that even the Watcher Woman had paid a visit to that poor soul. 

Life at the house wasn't the same without their mother. With their father giving into alcoholism and depression, it became clear that Alistair and Emlyn were the ones raising Fen and making sure they were eating enough. For a while, they managed to get something by asking around, people taking pity in their misfortune and wanting to make sure the kids were eating. But when it became clear that their dad wasn't coming back to the shop, people slowly stopped helping. Food was starting to be hard to get by and the few scraps people were spared, they kept for a harsher time.

By that time, Emlyn was twelve and old enough to work. He managed to find work in Brightheaven, the nearby village, as the blacksmith apprentice; he'd been working with their dad for a long time so he could handle a hammer and hot iron. It wasn't the quality renown to his family, but he was good enough that the man agreed to keep him full time. Instead of doing the two hours walk every day, Emlyn moved with his mentor and sent money to the house every week. The letters that accompanied it were dire; the kingdom was still without rightful rulers and The Beast was making Fillory a shadow of itself. 

When Fen hit the age of six, Alistair was now the master of the house and was taking care of her and their father whose hollow face and dead stare always gave the impression that he wasn't seeing his children anymore. Yes, he was tending the house, cutting wood and making sure appearances were proper. But behind closed door, it was Alistair who cooked, went to town to bargain their few coins against food or clothing. He'd taught his sister how to tend to the chicken they manage to buy after the next door farmer passed away. The widower couldn't take care of all the farm by herself so Alistair sold his services to her in exchange for money or -in rare occasion- product from the animals themselves.

One night, he'd come home with fresh cream that had made the little girl so excited he had to make her wait a few hours to make sure she wouldn't spill the precious goods. Fen had run into the nearby wood where she'd seen red and blueberries that were blooming. She came with a basket full of them and the three Demici ate them all with the fresh cream. It had been one of her favorite days. Even her dad had managed to smile and tell her stories as she went to bed. He hadn't done that in years. She could still remember some of the berries juice falling on her chin, making her skin sticky and blue and how her dad had foundly washed her with a cloth, looking at her like he was fully in the present and not half in his grief. He rarely had this presence of mind since, but she still remembers his deep hazelnut eyes looking at her with a hint of something. A spark of happiness. To this day, she held that memory close to her heart. 

By her seven birthday, Fen was taking care of cooking, cleaning and feeding the animals. Emlyn was still away and Alistair left at sunrise and only came back when the moon was high enough in the sky to illuminate their house. Their father had in mind to remodel the house and start tinkering here and there. None of the children understood the reason behind this idea, but it kept him busy and it was a nice change to see him move and have somewhat of a purpose. Yes, their living room had one of its wall removed, but the custom bookshelf he made reminded Fen that once upon a time, her dad use to be a wonderful craftsmanship. They didn't have a lot of books, but the one they had were now proudly displayed and from then she'd taken the habit of sitting by the fire and read one of them. At first, it had been hard since she only learns to read by her brother's help a long time ago, but seeing her struggle, her dad started to sit next to her and help her with long words or complicated pronunciations. It took her almost two seasons to finish the first book -the tale of the rise of the Chatwin dynasty- but she 'd close the book at the end, she and her dad had hugged and laugh, proud and somewhat a bit closer than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks Jasper for making me write this chapter even better than before.  
> Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen finds a strange chest while looking for hammer and nails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy  
> Happy reading

Chapter 3

She found the box one day when the chicken shelter had collapsed. She'd gone into her father's shed so she could find the necessary tools, happy that none of the nearly hatching eggs were damaged. Since her father was fixing the roof most of his best tools were taken so she had to dig around in order to find a couple of square nails that were not eaten by rust or on the edge to broke in half. She went to grab a hammer in the toolbox when she clumsily hit a wooden chest and ended up falling on the floor.  
''That was intentional'' the girl muttered to herself, her face reddening from shame. Gods, she was the less agile in all the kingdom. It had become a joke within the house that she would at least fall or spill something once a day. Her brothers would say that should the day come that Fen didn’t trip or have a spill then Umber himself would come down and congratulate her. The day it didn't happen, she pointed it out triumphantly and ended up spilling her glass water on the table.

Rubbing her shin bone, wondering if she'd get a bruise by tomorrow, the young girl stood up and looked at the chest in interest. She rarely came in the shed and most of the time it was to fetch the toolbox her father was using at the moment. So the wooden, unassumingly boring chest, never caught her attention. Curious, she tried to open it but rust and time had eaten away the metal if the lock, making it not impossible to open at all. Seeing it as a personal challenge and knowing the chicken would be safe for a few more minute, she sat on the floor and started to tinker around, hoping to see what was inside. Brute force didn't work and she only managed to cut one of her fingers and broke all her nails. Hammering on it would simply bend the iron opening, making it less possible to open. Sucking on the blood leaking from her finger, she looked around herself. She was in a blacksmith storage place, there must be something to help! She found a flatten tip rod and, with the help of a screw, she pushed the tip open. Seeing it move made her chest swell with pride. Alistair and her dad both had told her girls were not meant to use tools. Just to prove them wrong, she continued to open the lid inch by inch. 

When the lock gave up, the chest sprung open, sending dust all over the air and making her cough for a few seconds. Her hand hurts, her muscles were a bit sore but she couldn't help feeling pride in the fact that she did this by herself. Hoping her efforts were worth the prize, she peeked inside. 

It was underwhelming boring. Scrolls of papers, half empty and dried ink bottle, quills and a large dusty book. The paper scrolls were sealed by wax and ornate with the crest of the Demici family; four Florentine lilies circling an anvil. Not interested in them, she took the book and opened it. The sloppy handwriting, drawings, and date marking made it impossible not to understand that this was a journal. Intrigued, she put it on the side, deciding to read it when she had time. It is with surprise that she noticed a small wooden box ornate with two bright iron handle and an iron clasp without a lock. The product was so refined and delicate that she audibly gasp by its beauty. With care, she took it and tried to see if it was the work of any craftsman she could know; it wasn't her brother's doing and even her dad didn't have this finesse with wood. He was wonderful with metal but not wood. 

This felt a bit unlawful like she shouldn't know this exists. Which made it more exciting. Her heart beating fast, she looked over her shoulder, making sure she wouldn't get caught. It was a useless precaution since it was only noon and Alistair was at the farm, and she could still hear the cacophony of high pitch sound his hammer working on their leaking roof. Licking her dry lips, she looked back to the box and opened it. 

Lying on a bright purple velvet fabric was one of the most beautiful and impeccable daggers she ever saw. Made of the whitest moonstone she'd ever seen. Of course, her father kept some moonstone to bread and have some on hand. But those were rare, almost forgotten and unpolished. The blade was as white as snow and ornate with fine gold details on the tip and the edge of the handle. Unable to keep her eyes away from it, the young girl extended her hand to touch it, wondering its weight and how well balanced it would be. 

''By the Gods!'' She exclaimed as she pulls back sharply her hands, a deep heat spreading through the fingers that touched it. The blade burnt her the moment she brushed over it. She groaned at her own stupidity. If there was one element that attracted pure magic in Fillory, it was Moonstone. Why didn't she think that a weapon entirely made of it wouldn't irradiate heat and burn whoever wasn't strong enough to wield?

Within seconds she knew this was made for a master magician and no one in Fillory was strong enough to take it. Not even the sorceress or wizard that were scattered around the land. Not even the Watcher Woman. No this was made for a Child of Earth. 

Her heart was beating fast and a rush of adrenaline was getting into her. Why did they had this gem of a blade into a rusty and termite infested chest? Maybe the book could tell her secret apparently her father forgot. In a rush to go put that journal safe and hidden in her room, Fen almost forgot the reason why she came into the shed and had to do a double turn to get the nails and hammer. 

Her bedroom wasn't anything extraordinary. A bed with a wool blanket she'd bought against eggs and feathers at the local market. One of the rare portrait of her mother – a drawing her father had done during their honeymoon -, a box with all the letters Emlyn sent to them, her sewing set that she'd got from her birthday and must have cost too much to an overworked Alistair and a vase with wildflowers blooming yellow, orange and purple she'd picked a few day before in order to brighten the room. It was no palace, but it was one of the rare places where felt she could be herself without hurting anyone. She could cry about her father who was present in her life only when he felt like it, she could miss her oldest brother while rereading the letter he'd send them, she could stay up until she'd heard Alistair come home and take the food from the table she'd left for him; the moment she knew he was safe, she would allow to let herself sleep.

She knew as the youngest of the family, her brothers were sacrificing themselves so she wouldn't have to worry about eating or feel the absence of their mother. But here, she could do that. She worried not about starving like most Fillorian, but about her family that was torn apart and unable to be together if they wanted to survive. She didn't remember her mother so missing her was hard, but she couldn't help feeling heartbroken when she'd hear Alistair wake up from one of his nightmare from The Beast. Sometime she would slip out of bed and go in his room to hold him until he fell back asleep. That was the little she could do for him as he was doing so much for her. And every time, she promised herself to bring the Demici clan back together as a strong and happier family. 

Her pillow was the best place to hide the book until she could know if it was safe to display it or for her father to see. He was just starting to get back from his depressive and apathetic state, the last thing she wanted to do was trigger bad memories and make him dive deeper into sadness. After making sure it didn't look like a big lump was sticking out under her pillowcase, she walked back outside and went to do what started everything; fix that stupid chicken house.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today the Demici family put another foot toward glory and higher rank.

Chapter Four

_32nd day of summer – Year 17 of the Chatwin Reign_

_Days like today only happen once in a lifetime and not everyone can or wants to catch it. Today the Demici family put another foot toward glory and higher rank. Being named the official Blacksmith of Whitespire during the dwarf uprising had been our first step into nobility. I remember still working long hours with my father as armor, sword, daggers, and arrow had to be prepared. If we won, I am sure, part of the reason was our craftsmanship. But this was my father's doing. His skill and work had been so impressive that I had to continue and learn to be better and more refined. Make the smallest work I did worthy of the Kings and Queen of Fillory._

_Today it was my day to help. Today I met the most unusual person I've ever seen in Fillory. A fair skin woman with a wool coat the color of earth knock at my door, accompanied by a tall and young squire. Both with brown eyes and hair, they were so clean and well-groomed that it would have been easy to take them for royalty. But the calluses on their hand said a lot of their manual job. From their way of dressing to the way they talked, I could tell they were from another world. Though, they didn't look like Children of Earth. I've met the Chatwins Royalty more than once, sometime in their world's attire. It had nothing to do with what those stranger wore. If my mind would have been less taken aback by their demeanor, I might have asked from which wold they belong. But regretting the past is a burden I decided not to carry with me._

_They presented themselves as The Witch and The Fool. It sounded more like a title than a name, but if they wanted to keep their secret I could respect that. Names have a power not a lot of common folks understand. It is not for any reason each weapon I made carry its own. But I digress, as always. By the Gods I am still too elated by the event of the days._

_The brown sparkling eyes of The Witch made me understand right away that she was not to mess around but also, that she had a sense of wonder I rarely saw in someone. Her squire was looking around, like a lost animal, probably -no most certainly- not understanding where he was. He looked too bewildered not to. It was an odd duo, I must admit. But maybe their world works in a way ours don't._

_Apparently, a beast was chasing them and wanted to destroy their world. Despite the large aura of magic The Witch seemed to have, her powers were not enough. Quickly, it became clear that if she came here, it formed our reputation. How can I thank Ember and Umber that our talent as blacksmiths is now known from other worlds! The order she placed was not a small one; a weapon strong enough in magic and material that it would kill anything. Her unspoken request was something strong enough to kill a God._

_Two things went through my mind at that time. First, what if I accepted and she would go kill Ember and Umber? Would I be the creator of the demise of our beloved Gods? But having spent time in Whitespire, I knew that they could send back to Earth the Kings and Queens as they wanted. So if she'd been here and they didn't interact with her quest, they must know she is no danger to them. The beast she was chasing was not a treat for Fillory and they accepted her presence. My second thought was on the price. A weapon that important and hard to make shouldn't be paid in gold. But what then..._

_As my sweet boy was sitting next to me, holding the few moonstone we had for the blade, I couldn't help to hope for a better future for him. Something grand. Something that will make us be remembered forever. Being in Whitespire good grace was good enough, but what if I could get letters of nobility. We could not only sell to other kingdoms but money, housing, and status would never be a problem for my family and their future one. With a ten years old boy, a daughter that just learned to walk and a third child on the way, I knew it was something I should ask. No not should. Had._

_To the grand confusion of The Fool, The Witch agreed to my term without the blink of an eye; how she will make my daughter a consort of the High King I do not know, but if she is as powerful as she looks, she must know how to._

_So there were are, on the 32nd day of summer, I might have made history for our clan and for Fillory._

Fen read that journal entry more than once since she'd gotten the journal. There was so much going on in those few pages that she felt her own head explode.

Her grandfather lived while High King Martin disappeared without a warning and King Rupert had taken the lead as a ruler of Fillory. Queen Jane would disappear by the 19th year of the Chatwin Reign. So he would have officially been Whitespire official blacksmith for several years by now. And yet it didn't seem enough. 

But what she couldn't shake was the two people who came to order the moonstone blade. The Witch and the Fool. How many time did she sing that song in the kitchen while preparing dinner. Her brother would make her fall asleep to this ballad. It was impossible, not only they existed, but their family was related to it? Was aunt Lobelliea the ''daughter he hopes to wed Is now married as he'd fear''? But she was married to a common fisherman if she recalled well what her dad had told her. A shiver runs into her spine thinking of the implication of her being the only girl descendent of this tale. 

Could it be all true, or was she reading into things a bit too much? She needed to ask someone and she was pretty sure Alistair wouldn't know anything about it. Maybe Emlyn but she couldn't wait the weeks it would take for her letter to go to him and the answer to come back to the house. The easiest and fastest way was to see her father. Which she dreaded. The last thing she wanted to remind her father was how his own father had been tricked into an impossible order without anyone claiming it. 

She tucked the book under her pillow, dimming the flame in her oil lamp until darkness enveloped her room and only the half moon would share its light through the window. Sleep never came.


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen makes a decision that will change the rest of her life.

 

**Chapter five**

  
Her dad had choked up with air when she showed him the journal. It had taken her three days to gather the courage to do it and another one to make sure her dad was not drunk or at least sober enough that they could have a serious talk. He'd taken the leather bound book with trembling hand, his eyes out of focus, clearly in a past, she wasn't included.

''How did you find that?'' He asked in a harsh tone that made the girl recoil a bit.

Fen was ready for one of her dad infamous tantrum that would leave the house in a mess and the man to the nearest pub to drink until dawn.

''I fell on it'' Said the young brunette, '' In the shed. Well, I fell on a chest and it was in it. It's grandpa's journal isn't?''

Her curiosity had gotten the best of her. Seeing that her father was more stunned than angry, she decided to sit on the couch near him. The fire she managed to make was warming the room and herself. It felt that all she missed was a blanket and a book to have a nice night. But there was too much tension and unspoken hurt in the silence her dad gave her to know it would be anything but a peaceful evening. His fingers were traveling on the book as it was a lost treasure.

''In the shed? How come.... I've looked for this for years now. ''   
''I'll show you if you want. ''   
''Tomorrow, the night long arrives and we have too few oil to spend on me prying. ''

Fen bit her lips, mournful that, despite his obvious excitement, he wouldn't lean into his curiosity. But she could understand. Even with Alistair hard work and Emlyn's money over his letter, they could barely eat. For the past day, she had to be creative with a loaf of bread that was getting harder by the minute and three carrots she manages to harvest from her failing garden. Despite all her effort, nothing wanted to grow and, if it did, it was small and tasteless. Maybe tomorrow she could spare a couple of eggs and have a better meal. Depending on how the morning harvest would be.

''Your grandpa' wrote in his journal every day before he went to bed. I wanted to do the same but never had the patience. '' He said, fondly. He opened the book and trace one of the blade drawing the random mage was harboring. ''Have you read any of it? ''

Fen nodded, blushing a bit, wondering if she should have. But with her father's smile and his lack of anger, she knew that it didn't matter to him.

''There's a lot about blade making. '' She said quickly, wanted to add something about her reading; wanting to prove it wasn't for nothing. Wanting to prove that she could now read on her own. '' Things I didn't knew we could do. Maybe you should look into it. ''  
''Yeah...maybe I should '' He said without even pretending he would try. It was a polite dismissive that the young girl decided not to agree on; she would make him go back to his craft and maybe this would be the spark he needed. ''He was a real artist.''   
''Did he forge all of the blades in the book? ''

The old man turned out the page quickly, probably half looking half lost in his memory. It was a rare look, one she had only seen when her father talked about her mother. Which was never.

''Not all of them. Some were ideas, most were sketches and spell. ''   
''Spells? I didn't saw any spells''

He pointed to the journal entry where, in the middle of the page, words of the day's event were surrounding the drawing of a sword whit the handle shaped like a tree branch, vine climbing to the until the edge, Could anyone kill or cut with such a beautiful piece?

''Yes, here look '' He said pointing in the margin. '' He said, during the book upside down. In the margin was three long sentences in a language she didn't recognize. But next to it, her father had indicated For Forest entities. ''If the date is correct, it was during the war against the dwarf kingdom, many dryads had sided with them and a lot of great battle happened in The Darkling Woods. That's where King Rupert got injured beyond magic. ''

Everyone knew it Fillory the sad tale of the end of King Rupert. With his brother and sister gone, he was the left to stay and occupy the throne. And while already injured by a war in his world, it is a fatal blow on his side that made him lose his life. Magic and healer couldn't cure the enchanted wound and within hours he'd bled to his death. The dwarf kingdom gained independence and since then, there was no true leader on the thrones. Only overworked and out of real power Fillorians that were doing their best at keeping the country afloat. No wonder why there were constants rumors of Loria wanting to expand and take their territories, Fillory had barely an army now. Without Kings and Queens to bring the troop back, they would be slaughter within days.

''Is that why we lost our place in Whitespire? Because King Rupert died with our blade in his hand? ''   
''No my love, we left because no advisor could start a war without royalty on the throne, and when money started to become scares they had to let us go. The palace armory is already filled with everything the future High King would need. Maybe, if one comes back, we could send Emlyn to reclaim our name's glory. ''

Fen knew that Emlyn wasn't to do that. In his last letter, he'd found someone he wanted to marry and had decided to stay in Brighthaven and make his life due. He told her his master was to retire soon, old joint pain and failing strength obliged. There were talk to buying his shop or getting it for a ridiculous amount. ''When everything is settled, '' he'd wrote ''by next season maximum, I will send a letter so you could come visit. I wish so to see you. '' It was the first time Fen ever waited impatiently for the cold season to arrive.

But that was once again something she couldn't tell her healing dad. So much had to stay quiet and unsaid, it was a harsh truth she'd learn a long time ago.

''About that. '' She said, taking gently the journal from his hand and flipping it to the entry that was the real reason for her talk by the fire that night. '' In the chest I found, there was this blade. I didn't dare take it inside I'll show you tomorrow. '' Her heart was beating fast, her words were spoken too quickly and her mouth became dry. '' And Grandpa' wrote this entry about it. There are several others about its construction and the magic he had to infuse in it. But this one. '' She pointed again at the yellow pages. '' is how and why the blade was ordered. ''

Her father was intrigued by her word and started reading. Within seconds, his face became as pale as snow as his eyes were dancing across the page. Lines of worry formed over his mouth. Yet, there was a sparkle in his eyes that was not there before. This didn't only wake up a memory, but it woke up a strong emotion in him. One she was not able to describe. From that reaction, Fen knew he knew about the blade, about The Witch and The Fool. That this wasn't a new story for him.

''May the Gods bless us. '' He whispered, taking the journal and turning the page, continuing to read the interaction. ''I had completely forgotten about it. ''  
''So it's true? The story? The song you use the sing me? ''   
''The song... oh... ''

It was like someone had started back her father's brain. She'd never seen him so alive and acute to the world before. Usually, he had one foot in the past, melancholy taking him slowly away. But there was nothing of such right now. He looked at her and she felt seen by him for the first time in her eleven years of life.

''It was a friend of my dad who wrote that. He was a storyteller and sold his song to patrons in the pubs of the kingdom. The song... well most of it is true. But... '' He shook his head. '' I never... by the Gods. I never thought about it as it was our story. ''   
''But it is. ''   
''In a twisted way yes. ''

Fen mouth was dry, her hands were trembling a bit so she put them on her knee. The anticipation of the moment was such that she felt like she could get sick. This couldn't be.

''I'm your only daughter. '' She simply said. There was a silence in which she understood her dad went back to his father's tale. '' The song... the text... it says you want... well Grandpa' wanted a Demici girl to get married to the future High King. ''  
'' Fen...''  
'' I know. It's okay dad. '' She lied, her eyes watering. ''If it was the contract and by any odds of the Gods the next High King come to our land, I will marry him. If it helps Alistair to stop killing himself to work and would make you happy. I will. ''

She felt the calourse hand of her dad on her cheek and she raised her eyes toward him, unable to stop a tear to roll of her eyes. She knew as she spoke that she would do literally anything to help her family. Her brothers shouldn't be the only one that had to do sacrifices. In the back of her head, she had known the moment she understood she was the girl in the song. It had to be her. Or at least, she had to prepare herself. The Witch and The Fool came because a beast was threatening them. And now, Fillory's shadows were less and less secure as the seasons' pass. What if they'd prepared for The Beast to come here. Who knew what a Witch could see or want. The Watcher Woman was the proof that trying to understand deep magic was not something you should try untrained. The Gods had set her destiny in place before she was born and now she had to embrace it. Feelings aside. They all did it for her, now it was her turn.

''I didn't want to believe it would be true. '' Said her father, wiping her tear with his large thumb. ''You shouldn't either. It has been decade and they haven't shown up''  
''Words bind us papa. ''   
''I know, the most powerful magic of all.''

She could almost hear her father curse that old Fillorian saying.

''Look Fendria, this might never happen, do not take it as your only way in life. ''

She thought of her aunt Lobelliea, who'd married despite being promised to an absent High King. Did she wait her whole life and decide to live her own when she was past the childbearing age? Or had she rebelled against her father and married uncle Malik despite everything. How can you live a life knowing another might be yours? How could she know she would be claimed and not a poor girl generation after her? Would that be the burden of any Demici girl until the blade was taken back by The Witch, The Fool or any other person?

''How? '' She simply asks, taking her father's hand. ''How can I continue my routine with this permanent arrangement looming over my head? ''

Her father didn't have an answer to that, but she felt she could see his temple becoming greyer by the seconds.

Unable to continue the discussion or to carry it to another subject, the young girl excused herself and went to bed. Her head was swarming with everything her dad just told her. Her heart was exploding with opposite emotion. Her eyes were still full of tears she had no claim to shed.

Once in her room, she changed into her night clothing as she heard the front door open. She peeked by the window and saw her father using the few oil they had left to light a path toward the shed, the chest and the magical blade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoy please leave a kudo or a comment.


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, Fen forgets that she is only eleven. Her brother Alistair always makes sure she remember.

 

**Chapter Six**

The day after, Fen woke up at dawn as the light of the sun hit her face. It was still warm but by the air around her, she knew the night had been cold; the dead season was approaching and they needed to start stocking for when the garden wouldn't provide food. Not that it did a lot anyway. But few were better than none.

As she got up to get dressed and start her chores of the day, she couldn't help but be surprised to see her grandfather's journal by her bed table. She'd left it to her dad to read and yet he seemed to have returned it to her. Trying not to see it as a bad sign, she put a pair of pants, a cotton shirt, and her leather boots. This whole thing would have to be worried about after the day was taking care of; only rich people could sit and anguish all day.

Alistair was at the table, finishing his oatmeal as she went downstairs and she couldn't help but smile. Mornings were one of the few time they could see each other and that was when she woke up early enough. The Gods had been good to her today because after last night talk, having the steady and calming presence of her older brother was much needed.

''Water still hot in the kettle. '' Alistair said as he was chewing. ''I started the heat in the fireplace, there was frost on the window when I woke up. ''  
''Good thing I fixed the chicken house. '' She said, preparing dry oat in a bowl before going to the hot iron kettle. ''They would have frozen. I'll look into putting a blanket so they are warm. ''  
''You fixed it? It broke?''  
''Nothing I couldn't fix. ''  
'' I'll look into it before going to Mrs. Brace. ''  
''It's fine Al' really. ''  
''I'll still look. ''

Fen grunted as she sat next to him, her hot glump of a breakfast in front of her. It would have been better with sugar or honey, but these were the kind of food they couldn't afford anymore. No one really could.

''Just making sure you did a good job '' Her brother amended, seeing her frustration.  
''Yeah, right. '' She huffed.  
He smiles sheepishly, poked at her with his spoon and she couldn't help to have a half angry half happy smile spreading across her face. As annoying as it was, having her brother looking over her things meant he was around. It was always nice.

''Today, I finish at high noon. Mrs. Brace has company and don't want them to see me working while they don’t. Apparently last time she did that they took it as a statement about their unwillingness to work every hour in those harsh time '' He said those last word with an old mocking voice that made Fen laugh. ''What do you say we go eat by the river. We could fish. ''  
''Isn't it too cold for them to come to the bait? ''  
''We'll eat frozen fish!''

Fen snorted a laugh that made her brother laugh. How could he still make her feel like the eleven years old she is was a mystery, but he made it happen every time he was aroun . With him, the burden of the house seemed easier. He didn't look at her like a provider like her dad was. He looked at her as what she was: his little sister.

After he left, Fen went to feed the chicken and water the garden. The shed was close like nothing happened yesterday and this normalcy felt strange. Inside, the chest had been move near the stool at the back, open by her father late at night. She was sure to see him here since he was not at breakfast this morning nor outside. Frowning, the young girl closes the door and walked back toward her house, looking at the third window to the left; where her father's bedroom was.

The air was cold and only the sun manage to warm her up, contrasting with the heat of yesterday. Yet his window was slightly open. He must have been in it smoking herbs until he fell asleep. She'd scold him so many time about the bad habit of sleeping with fire in your bed, that she was giving up on telling him so again. If he needed to numb his mind to go though the night and the news of her discovery, she will try not to judge.

She went inside, making hot water boil and finding tea in an almost emptied box; she would have to go into the wood soon and gather some more if they wanted to drink tea the next few months. She prepared a cup for her dad and herself, then walked up the stairs and knock on his door.

'' Dad? It's Fen, I made tea. ''

The silence that ensues broke her heart. How many weeks had she endured her dad lock in his bedroom, unable to cope with the reality of outside? How many time had she put meas in front of his door and came back to an empty plate hours later, knowing that eating was the only reason why he would get out of bed. But today she couldn't cook his favorite meal and coax him to eat, she still didn't know what they will eat if the fishing trip this afternoon was without gain.

''Dad? Are you okay? '' She asked, hitting herself mentally. Stupid stupid question. Of course, he wasn't. '' I'll put your mug on the floor alright. If there's anything I'll be doing laundry downstairs. ''

She let the fuming mug at the front of his door, went down to the laundry basket full of the family's clothes and sat down by the wooden tub she will have to fill with water in order to clean them. A sense of dread kept clenching her heart and her tea didn't calm her down. It did warm her though, which was a silver lining.

She had to stop once to put more wood into the fireplace and took a mental note to ask someone how to cut some more. She didn't want to ask her brother who will take upon himself to do it. And her dad was clearly in too bad of a mental health state to ask anything. The manual labor of scrubbing and pouring was good enough that she stop worrying for a moment, too entranced by her task. It felt nice, not to think for a moment.

Alistair arrived back home as she was laying a pair of pants on a clothing line outside; hopefully, the few hours of sun left would help dry everything before it sets down.

'' Give me a minute'' She said ''then we can go. ''

There were lines around Alistair's eyes that weren't there before. Barely twenty and already aging. This world was not kind to any of the Demici children. As he waited for her to finish, he went to the chicken house, scaring some of them and having to chase them back into their fence. He was laughing the whole time, his happiness was contagious and she laughed too. Small joys she reminded herself. That's all you can hope for. So when this one happens, she jumped on it.

 

The cup of tea at her father's door was untouched and cold when she left for the river with her brother and she tried not to worry about it. She wanted to focus on her brother only for a couple of hours. He'd manage to get some food from Mrs. Brace that they could share, she had found the fishing rod in the shed and with a blanket and warm clothes, they were ready to have a good afternoon.

The bread was freshly made and the fact that they could have some made Fen feel the lightest she had in days. Maybe today she will go to sleep with a slightly less empty stomach. They decided to eat before fishing since it would involve digging into the dirt in order to find fresh bait.

''We should look into going to Emlyn's like he suggested. '' Said Alistair as he bites into a slice of bread. '' He said by the cold season and it's approaching. Maybe going to town would be good for dad. ''  
''You think dad would come? '' Fen said, frowning. ''He didn't leave his room today, I don't think he could do the hours of travel and be around new people.''  
''He used to be the center of attention in crowds Fen, he knows how to handle people''  
''Yes. Used to. The man you knew never came back since...'' She stopped, both feeling the pain of an event too harrowing to talk about. '' We should stop pretend he is what he's not.''

She was tired to put up a front and pretend it was normal that three kids had to take care of themselves because their father couldn't work. She was tired to lie to neighbors when they'd ask news of the family and saying her dad was up to the top. She was tired of living the life she had. And the journal, that damn journal, made her realized the life she could have if her dad was in better health, her mom was there or -even more impossible- the High King came to claim his due. Anything but continuing to pretend they were a normal and healthy family. None of them were.

''Fen...'' Alistair said, putting down the second slice of bread he was about to inhale. ''Look, I know it's hard for you since you are with him at home but... ''  
''It's not that Al', I just wish we stop acting like it is okay for him to still mourn mom that way. He can be sad, but we shouldn't kill ourselves to try to survive while he stares into the void in his room.... It's been nine years.''

There was a silence and so much unsaid thing that it felt they could cut the tension in the air with a butter knife. What she said was mean, selfish and totally not understanding of her dad's depression. But it felt nice to say out loud some of her frustrations. Even if it made her feel bad the moment she said them.

'' I'm not fair I know, '' she added after a few moment of unbearable silence. ''I just feel, he's using it as an excuse now. Like before he was really sad and now he just doesn't know what else to be. How else to be. He should go back to being a blacksmith, or at least, mess around in his workplace. It's taking dust.''

Alistair sight and gave her the last slice of bread. She hesitated to take it knowing he needed to eat more than her, but his attitude made her understand she couldn't say no. He put a hand in his auburn hair and look at the sky, probably praying the Gods or cursing her under all the names he knew.

''I agree. '' He simply said, which made her stop to put the bread into her mouth mid-air. '' I mean, I wouldn't have said it like that but I agree that he should get back to something. A project could be good for him.''  
''You seem to already have thought about it. ''  
''Well... '' Her brother looked at her with guilty eyes and she felt a lump forming in her stomach that had nothing to do with the lunch they were having. '' Dad told me. Yesterday. About the diary. '

Fen looked down and urge herself not to shiver at the idea of being a prize of exchange. The fact that any daughter's Demici's life wasn't as valuable as a place in court was repulsive. But it was the way a family could get a better life. It was the Fillorian way. Angry or not, she had to comply. It was her sacrifice to make, it was easier to see it that way than to feel that you had no say in the matter.

She felt the hand of her brother tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and lift her chin up.

''Visibly you don't want to talk about the Leo Blade and we won’t. I wanted to come here to cheer you up and make you forget. So we will, okay? '' He said with a coy smile.

Fen's eyes narrowed. '' Mrs. Brace didn't have company didn't she?''

The stupid grin he gave her as an answer should have made her mad, but it only made her laugh. There was too much to feel at the moment so laughing was the best solution. He followed her into the laughter and pulled her in a much-needed hug. She let his muscular arm surround her and make her feel safe and protected for the few seconds it lasted. Her heart felt a bit lighter by this. She wishes her dad would have done the same yesterday.

''But I saw a lot of amazing blades to forge. '' Said Alistair, pulling her back. ''In the journal I mean. I was thinking it could be good for dad. ''

She agreed to it immediately, trying to find a way to convince her dad to accept. With her brother, it might work; two voices against one.

''Alright, let's not talk about what we came here to distract you from and let's go fish. '' He said getting up, making crumbs of bread fall unto the blanket. ''I bet I can find a bigger earthworm that you could ever do. ''

Small joys. She had to take them. Cherish them. Accept them.

''In your dreams! '' She teases getting up too, her smile bright as she runs into a patch of dirt to find the perfect bait for their dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, if ever you liked it, please leave a kudo or a comment!


	8. Interlude II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Fillory, My Fillory, from Song and ballads of Fillory, Newest Editions,  
> Anonymus Author

Oh Fillory my Fillory,  
Why do you have to die away  
Children use to play in trees  
Now only sob and pray

I miss your color and your song  
Powerless i have to watch you die  
Oh Fillory did we do you wrong  
Hear my plea, hear my cry

A Beast, monster of shadow  
Roam around our land  
and the Gods only knows  
what it wants, he will take from our cold hands

Oh Fillory, my Fillory  
Fight this evil within  
We will help get back your glory  
Just tell us where you've been

I will sing this sad song  
To the land I will always be loyal  
Until one day, we become strong  
With our without any royal

_Oh Fillory, My Fillory,_ from Song and ballads of Fillory, Newest Editions,  
Anonymus Author

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to my betas and the reader, hope you enjoy this piece of Fillorian litterature


	9. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Embracing her destiny, Fen is now getting to the best school in Fillory in order to get the education a future King wife deserves

**PART TWO: THE THREESCHOOL**

**Chapter Seven**

The Treeschool was near the Southern Orchard by the Brighthaven River, half an hour of carriage from Fen house. Not everyone could access it or even see it. After turning left on the half-broken tree, you had to walk in the same direction the moss was growing. After a moment, you would enter a magical barrier that will display large meadow. The blue and white flowers were creating an illusion of waves as if you could walk on the sea. If you were to wear any footwear, it was at the sight of the meadow that you had to part with it. There was a bush used as a disguise for a large chest, half buried in the ground. This is where any unaccepted item by the school had to be put before any trespassing further on. If by inadvertence or pure malice, you would keep a knife or still wear your shoes, the magical barrier would propel you away from everything and instead of a quiet place in front of you, you would see an unwelcoming forest. It is rumored that the simple sight of this magical repellant terrified even the evilest creature in the realm; if there is something you learn in Fillory, it's to never anger the forest.

Once ready, you could walk in the meadow and sit by the nearby water basin, filled with turquoise and deep blue water. It was the entrance of many water creature to the school and would link the eastern and western sea. A portal of some sort for all of the kingdom to have the same access to the prestigious school. It was where most of the student would wait for the treeschool to present itself. Every morning, from the depth of an acorn, a tree would be born, growing itself into one of the saplings of the orchard. If you come in time, you could climb the carved in a staircase that would lead you up the branches and to a door engraved in the thick trunk. By then, only the touch of a student or teacher could make a doorknob appear and lean them inside. If you were late for a few minutes, the tree would grow so big that the staircase became unreachable and climbing to them was by your own mean, wits, and power. It was frown upon to turn back and go home, waiting for another day; this school was selective and nearly impossible to get in. If you dismissed it, you might not be welcome back the day after.

By noon, the tree would grow to its full potential and will start to decay. Blooming fruits will fall on the ground, leaves would change the color of the sunset and the branches would shrink on themselves and dry up. When the last creature would close the door, it would patiently wait for it to be on the ground before crumbling under its own weight. Lumberjack and wood creatures would come and take the woods for their work, their house, their living, as nature never accept waste. The only thing that would be left after the collection would be an acorn, that would sink itself into the ground, waiting for the perfect time to grow up again.

The tree was bigger on the inside, as much magical building does. Most of the time, it had a corridor who led to three classrooms, a teacher lounge, a bathroom and a supply closet. But if a teacher needed a different kind of room or the population of the school change, a classroom would be changed or removed, remodeled to the need of the day. There was a rumor of a trapdoor in the supply closet where detention and misbehaving students would go and might never be seen again. And as any lore of school, teachers never paid attention to affirm or deny it, making the trap a good enough fright to be a good student. At any rate, if the school, as in the magical building and not the institution, didn't like your behavior, you wouldn't be able to come in.

There were three ways to get a child into Tree School.

The first one was to be born with magical capacity so important that the questing beast themselves would come and make sure that power would be harness and well taken care of. There was not a lot of creature with actual magic in Fillory. Yes, the land and overall world were full of it, but rare was the one who could bend it to its will. To this day, the only people strong enough to do so were from Earth. This other world that was creating powerful magicians and would bring their fittest to rule the kingdom. At least it had been so until the Chatwin. Since King Rupert death, the castle had been taking dust, but this is a story for another time. Magic existed in every creature Ember and Umber were looking over. But even the oldest witch of the wood or the strong elves of Loria were in no comparison when it came to manipulate and understand magic. Never there was an heir to the throne, but if it was the Gods will, it would have been welcomed by a questing creature.

The second way to enter was through bribery. Sadly, with famine eating away the land and a dark creature raising in the shadow, some people were ready to take anyone's money and power in exchange for security, food, and care. Which the school could provide. If a teacher was influenced toward looking over some missing requirement to an admission or, if the pixies in charge of magical training would be swayed into agreeing that someone was strong enough to learn magic -but not strong enough to catch the attention of a questing creature- there could be a way some people came into the school. Rare were the times it was for gold and it had a rumor a man sold his entire crop for his son to be entered in. Sadly, those were the first to get rejected by the school standards. Within weeks, the door wouldn't open for them, they would miss the entry steps or would simply fail an exam that resulted in immediate discharge.

The third way was rare. In fact, it was known it could happen, but from memory or book record, it never came to happen. The third way was how Fen got to school. If someone's destiny was linked to the future of Fillory by prophecy or unalterable event, the child would be accepted. It has to be something so strong that even the power of the Watcher Woman couldn't alter; despite every possible scenario the child was meant to change Fillory forever.

So when Fens started her first day of class, the ten other students already knew of her and her family's inevitability. How her father convinced them that she was the right Demici girl a future king would marry, she couldn't tell. But her father was not only skilled with his hand, his tongue had a persuasion power that none could deny.

Her bare feet were walking in the grass and flower who still had their morning dew. The dress she wore was prettier and more expensive than anything she ever owned. It was one of her mother's dress her dad had kept in a box all those years. Unable to throw them away and bargaining them against something less valuable, he'd decided to give it to her when the time would come. Apparently, going to the best scholar program in all of Fillory was one of that occasion. Her freshly bought paper note and ink had cost them all the eggs they'd been storing for a harsher time that was about to come. She'd argue, cry and yelled about it. Both her father and Alistair were ready to make the sacrifice for her even if she asked them not to. She'd sew a bag to carry them with some clothing fabric that was impossible to put back to be worn. That way, if it rained or she'd fell -with her clumsiness she knew it was more than possible- nothing would be ruined or need to be bought again.

''Great'' Said a tall girl with hair that went from blue to green, by the way, the sun reflected in them. The way she moved seemed to bring the air to mist and put rainbow pattern around her, giving her an aura of divinity that was quite impressive. It was either a trick she used on purpose to gain power around her, or it was completely done without her wanting which would be more impressive. One thing for sure, she was from the sea. Fen could even smell her sent of salt and seaweed. ''Who will have to go for a human to come here. ''

The way she pronounces human expressed all her negative view about Fen race. The young girl clutched her bag, frowning. Only sirens were so distasteful of humans. The silent war they were wedging on them had drowned more than one sailor. Apparently, it was a feud as old as anyone could remember, not really knowing where the hatred was from. It just was. And it was easy to understand; within second Fen disliked the girl.

''Lars left last week. '' Said a tall lengthy boy that was cover in moss and vine. His brown hair had touches of green that was pairing with his eyes. When he smiled to the siren, she could see his perfect teeth and charm right away. This was a dryad from the wood. ''Loria bought his service as a consultant mage. Not a bad gig for what he was worth. ''

He turned toward Fen and extended his hand. The vine was spreading through his finger like a glove and it was oddly good looking at him. '' Welcome to the school. I'm Taxon, this is Kaleila, we call her Kay. Don't mind her, she gets like that every time there's a new girl around.''

By the hiss of Kay and the laughter of Taxon, he was not wrong. Their friendship seem odd but she was not to judge about it; she literally had no friend. So maybe it was usual to insult each other as a show of affection.

''There's always ten students at the school. Never more, never less. '' Continued Taxon as he sat in the herb who seemed to grow around him as a welcome. ''We were wondering who would be the next one. I must admit, I am surprised to see a human, I didn't know you lots had power. ''

Fen shook her head, blushing and feeling the four pair or eye looking at her beyond her simple attire. She knew she was getting analyzed and judge. Impressions were important, especially the first ones.

''No hm... I am sort of a special case. '' She said looking at Kay who was doing rainbow with her finger probably just to mock her.  
'' As long as you don't become like the Watcher Woman. '' Teased Taxon, seeing her unease.

Fen clearly didn't want to say that she would be the only student without magical class. It was the least good first impression you could have. Her hand felt moist and she rubs them against her dress, hoping it didn't let a tray of water behind.

''I didn't know she studied here. '' She simply said, not really knowing where to go with the conversation. She never mixed with other creature and races before, she felt her humanity for the first time. It was a cloak she was not sure she could bare the weight.

''Those are the rumor. '' Taxon said waving his finger in the air mysteriously. ''Who knows anything about her anyway. ''

If Fen hadn’t seen with her own eyes the clock tree, she might have thought of her as a myth to scare children. She hasn't been seen for years. As if her existence was linked to the Chatwin Kings and Queen and her only purpose has been to torment them.

''I knew I smelled someone new.'' A voice boom behind them. Fen turned around to see a small man with hair that was so long they touched the floor. A thick braid started from the top of his head and seemed to be the reason his brownish hair didn't look dirty despite part of it being on the ground. The more he approaches, the smaller it got. And by his bulky composition, Fen knew right away he was a dwarf from the mountains.

''Bad' '' Exclaimed Taxon. '' This is...'' The dryad then realizes he didn't know her name and look at her with questioning eyes.  
''Fen. Hi....'' She said in a probably too high pitch sound.

The dwarf didn't seem to mind her nervousness and shook her hand strongly.

''Fen. I like that. I'm Badek, but call me Bad. You're replacing Lars I bet? ''  
''Apparently. ''  
''Good riddance, last month he almost made the class explode when he tried the bombarding charm''  
''Oh god don't remind me the disaster. '' Sigh Kay.

The three students lunched themselves in a recollection of the event and, despite wanting to fit in, Fen found out that she didn't really care about it. Whoever was this Lars, he was in Loria and not someone she should concentrate to deal with now. The trio seemed so at ease together, she wonders if she will know how to fit in. Having spent her whole life in the nearby forest around her house, her people skills were not the best.

Six other students arrived within ten minute, water spirit, nymph and dwarf alike. Most of them didn't pay her attention, already engrossed in their conversation or wanting to pretend she didn't exist. Alistair had warned her it might happen the first days; outsiders are rarely welcome in small groups. And now this was a class of the elite of Fillory. The best and more powerful creature there were in the kingdom. What in the Gods heaven was she doing here?

As expected, the moment it was time for class, the acorn started to grow into a tree, carved in steps were expending before her eyes and it took all of Fen self-control not to gasp out loud and make a fool out of herself. This was the most beautiful and strong magic that ever happen before her eyes. Badek put a hand on her arm and pushed her forward. His dark eyes were full of kindness and laughter, probably understanding why she hasn't moved an inch as everyone was already climbing the stairs.

''Do we get used to it? '' She asked him as he followed next to her.  
''Some do. '' He chuckled. ''I don't. We should never forget how beautiful magic is. '' He said.

This made her smile and feel a bit less foolish to be impressed by the arrival of the school. It was nice to know that people could still have a sense of wonder despite their knowledge. They arrived in a corridor that leads to different classes. It seems that the other students were split into three groups and they all knew where to go.

''See you at lunch. '' Said Badek before walking toward the first door and entering.

Alone in the corridor, the muffling sound of conversation lowering every second, Fen felt once again like a fool that didn't belong. She didn't know where to go, what to do and if she did the right thing. The only instruction her dad was given was to show up in proper attire at a specific date and time. Which was today.

Now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks Jasper for your help and Beta!


	10. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen discovers that the world she is meant to live in is more about do's and don't then she always believed.

It was the dean that saved her from further embarrassment and anxiety. It was the first time Fen ever saw an elf. She was tall and walked with a regal air. Her blond hair put in such a manner that despite being long, they were framing her face in the perfect way. Her skin was flawless and her simple black dress looked like it was worth all the money in the world. This was the kind of lady that could make a plastic bag look elegant. She never saw a creature that looks so regal and yet menacing. 

''Miss Demici I suppose? '' The elf said. 

As she was told by her father, she nodded and bowed in respect. The older woman scuff. 

''Well I see we have much work to do. Follow me, there is paperwork to be done. '' 

The hall they walked felt never-ending. She'd known it was magically bigger on the inside, but how wide should a school of ten students be? They stopped in front of a door where an engraved plaque was written Dean Paven. 

The young girl felt her heart beat fast as she enters the sumptuous office. Tall bookshelves were overflowing with books in different language and writings, a window was giving a view from the meadow outside and lighting the desk with sunlight. She sat in one of the leather chairs she was motioned to go as Dean Paven walk behind her desk and took her time to sit and look at her paper. 

Everything here was made to impress and make you feel smaller. Fen understood. Maybe it explained the attitude of the other student earlier; they were taught to see themselves as superior. Which they technically were. But should a school reinforce that instead of preaching acceptance? 

''You come from great recommendation. '' The elf told her as she was reading her admission paperwork.   
''Really? '' Fen exclaimed, unable to stop herself

From what she knew, her father had to pull all the old connections that the Demici name uses to have only to have a meeting with an administrator of the school. He'd told them about Fen potential destiny and how she needed the best education if she was to help to rule the kingdom one day. As good her dad's words ould be, his name didn't carry any weight anymore.

The dean looked up from her paperwork with an eyebrow risen. Clearly, she was not impressed by how Fen acted right now. The young girl took a deep breath, straighten her posture and tried to hide the red creeping on her face. 

''Thank you for the opportunity. '' She said instead, not sure if it was what was asked of her.

She never had to ask herself how to act and present herself at home. Even when her dad uses to have clients. She already felt exhausted from parading around here and it wasn't high noon yet. All her sense of sacrifice and self-worth shrank every minute she spent here. 

''You'll have private class most of the day. '' Continued the head of the school, apparently having heard what she wanted. ''Since your comrade are doing magic classes and, as a human, you don't have any of that. But fear not, you have enough catching up to do in order to meet their pace before next season. '' 

It was the third time we pointed out she didn't have magical power. Never before it had bothered her not to have any and she decided it would not start today. Yes, the only humans in Fillory to hold power were Children of Earth. But it didn't mean their race was below any else. After all, it was humans beings that were meant to be on the thrones. 

''If you work hard enough'' Continued Dean Paven ''you will be able to take the theoric class with them. If you fail to catch up, I will have to let you go. The White Lady might see greatness in you, we will not deprive another person to have education for your sake. Am I clear? '' 

Fen mouth parted slightly, her heart stopping a bit. Did she just say The White Lady recommended her into being here? Is that why she was here? After her dad plea, they must have sought guidance from the Questing Beast. They were advisors of the school after all. But the White Lady herself...The young girl felt like she was falling from the tree she was in and her breath wasn't catching up. 

Would this mean that she saw her future to be linked with what her grandfather had prepared for her? Or did it meant that she was meant to greatness by her own? She wanted to believe that with or without a High King as a husband, she would be able to change Fillory for the better. 

''Y....Yes. .... Yes, M'am. '' She stutter, remembering last minute the politeness at the end. 

The dean got up from her chair and Fen felt she had to get up as well. The codes around here were so different than anything she'd ever be, she was assuming more than knowing. 

''Perfect, now come with me we will find you a room to study in. Lunch is at high noon outside, the gnomes will prepare you something. Don't expect much at first but the more they will know you, the better their food will taste. I swear at first all they served me tasted like mashed paper. '' 

The fact that she had one meal promised every school day was better than what Fen could hope for. Tasting wet paper or not, it felt good to know she wouldn't learn on an empty stomach. And it was at least comforting to know that she was guaranteed to eat every day. Which was not to case until now. 

They walked back in the front of the corridor, near the second door where, instead of entering in, the dean touched the wall and close her eyes. Fen looked at her working her magic with the sentient building and as her long finger touched the knot of a tree bark, the older woman pulled slightly on it to make a doorknob appear. Fen had to bite her inner lips not to gasp, impressed by the demonstration she just saw. By the Gods, she will have to get used to act of magic being perform all the time around her. 

They enter the room that just created itself, in which a bookshelf was placed near a fireplace, two comfortable chair, a desk and a large amount of paper and ink was ready to be used. Fen chest loosens knowing that what was in her bag would be the only thing she could ever work on.

'' Sit, I'll see if your teacher is ready. '' The professor said before leaving her in the room. 

When the door closed, Fen sat on the chair and sank on it like it was swallowing her. Tears formed in her eyes as she looked to the magical room that just created itself for her. For the first time, she wonders if the deal her grand-father made was less a curse for her future and more like the largest opportunity she would ever have in life. 

How long she waited, she wasn't sure. But it was longer than it should have. Once again, a probable power play at work. She hopes she wouldn't have to learn that kind of behavior or be brainwashed that this kind of behavior was acceptable. Worst encouraged. Power should be earned by respect and glory, not by double plays and trickery. 

The girl sighs and looked at the fire, wondering if it was there just for show or it was really warming the place. Having fire inside a school that was literally wood seemed a bit reckless, but magic must control its presence. Otherwise, no wise person would allow this. At least she hoped. She frowned, wondering if there was a way to see if it was a handmade fire or magic created it, but all she could see was the flame dancing into the air and cracking in the silence of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading, thanks jasper for beta reading, if you enjoy clic kudo or leave a comment!


	11. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen has her first day at school and realizes that her teacher is nothing she expected her to be.

She must have fallen asleep because a door gently closing startled her awake and made her jump in attention into her seat. The warmth in her face had nothing to do with the fireplace next to her as she realizes her teacher had entered the room and caught her like this. Well, she could forget good first impression right away.

Jumping to her feet, she fixed some wrinkle on her silver dress and look at the brown-haired woman walking into the room. She had an elegant skirt and blouse that showed all her curve without being improper. Her young face was light with pink cheeks and sharp eyes that seemed to see everything. Her brown hair was in a simple ponytail, but the intricacy of braids and hair curls she put in it made her look regal. It made Fen fix her dress yet again and her hair rapidly, wanting to be proper. At least, one thing for sure; she was human. This reassured Fen the most, she was not sure why.

'' Oh don't worry. '' Said the lady as a welcome, putting a stack of book on the desk. ''I am glad you got to sleep a bit, you must not have slept well last night. First times are always so stressful. ''

Fen was not sure what to do or say so she stays frozen in front of the chair. Should she say that she slept well? Or that she didn't? Both sounded stupid and embarrassing.

''Are you hungry? Lunchtime is over now but I can make your food come here so you eat while we talk. ''

Fen didn't move again and felt that if she continues that way, she would grow roots and sprout leaves. So she took a small step toward the desk and nodded. The smile of the teacher glowed as she undid her purple cloak and put it on the main chair. With the wave of a hand, she made appear a large bowl, a glass of water and cutlery. Despite living in a land full of magic, rare were the time where she could actually see some in action. She couldn't help herself but be awed by the demonstration. If this was a test to see her reaction, she was probably failing it. How she wishes to be able to manipulate magic the way people in this school seemed able to be.

'' My name is Jane, please don't call me Mrs. Jane when we are alone. We don't need to pretend I am your superior in this room. I want us to be at the same level. I'd rather have you see me as a mentor than a teacher alright? Only pretend to be polite when we are outside, alright. ''

Once again, Fen nodded and sat in front of the desk. In the bowl, there was the most colorful salad Fen had ever seen; greens, yellow, red, black and orange vegetables were mixing themselves together to form a rainbow of color that looked so good her mouth watered a bit. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until now. After an encouraging nod, she took her fork and started to eat, trying not to moan at the taste of the meal. Never had she eaten a tomato so juicy and olives so tasteful. If this was the school called bland food, she wondered what they would think of her morning oatmeal.

'' Usually, older students are allowed wine during lunch, but I think you are too young for that. I got you sparkling apple cider instead. I use to drink it all the time,'' Jane said, smiling over her own glass of cider

''You...'' Fen began before remembering what her dad had told her and waited for her mouth to be empty to talk again. '' Did you study here too? ''  
''In a way, yes. '' Said the woman after a pause, which surprised Fen. Taxon had told her that the last human here had been the Watcher Woman? Or did he just said that to tease her because she had been visibly so anxious about her first hours at the school?  
'' But, don’t worry about studying, today we’ll just be chatting I want to know you a bit. Tomorrow we will do a test and don't worry, there is no right or wrong answer; I just want to know what your level is so I don't annoy you with things you already know. ''

Fen tried not to finish her cider in one gulp because Gods that thing was delicious. She nodded and felt the blush creeping back to her cheek.

'' I don't do magic ma’am. ''  
'' Tsk, tsk. What did I say? No ma’am with me. But if you want to call other like that, you should say, Madame, it's the way educated people to talk.''

Fen nodded again, trying to file this information in her overexcited brain. She had so many questions she wanted to ask, and yet she didn't know what to say or do. So she ate her lunch, a bit sad it was nearly over. Gods, she'd forgotten what a full meal in her stomach felt like.

''And for your magic, don't worry, I have been warned. '' Jane continued. '' Why are you blushing? Don't be ashamed of it. Magic is only a tool, it doesn't make you better or worse than anyone. Do you think a blacksmith is better than a baker because the latter doesn’t know how to bend metal?''

Fen shook her head, glued to every word she was saying. She felt some of the anxiety in her stomach lift like she could breathe again. This felt strangely like her first lesson. When she was told she was going to school she imagines her lesson would be at a desk, getting told what to do and to say. Not having a conversation where she could create her own opinion, see the world the way her mentor was.

''So someone with magic is not better than someone who doesn’t have any. The important thing is what you do with the tools you have. It's what you do with -or without- magic that makes you great. Not the magic itself. ''

After lunch, they went in the leather chairs to be comfortable. Jane asked her question about her family, she made sure to avoid saying that her dad was not the one putting food on the table. The last thing she wanted was to shame her father after all the effort he'd put for her to be here.

'' I know that your mother has been one of The Beast victims. '' Jane said, making Fen's heart drop to the bottom of her stomach. ''It must be hard being without a woman to take care of the house. ''

Fen had to stop herself from going back to the denial she had of this day, and pretending that everything was perfect. She knew that, with her new teacher, there would be no dismissal of such subject. Something told her that Jane had brought it to the table purposefully. So she had to answer and she shouldn't cry about it this time.

''She saved our lives. '' Fen said in a voice cracking with emotion. She cleared her throat, hoping that her emotion would go away and make her stop choking. It didn't work at all. '' My brothers and I, I mean. She hid us and beg for our lives. I don't really remember it, I was so young but I.... there are things I do remember. ''

Patiently, Jane waited for her to fight her overwhelming feelings and go back to the conversation. How hard was it to talk about it and not to cry? She never spoke of it with her brother, even less with her father. And now she was openly saying things only her deepest self knew. There was something in Jane that made her want to say everything. Yet she was not ready to talk about everything.

''Like how hard my brother had held me, or the loud sound when... he body dropped on the floor. I remember the smell of her while she died and how her blood felt on our skin. ''

Fen words were now a whisper and. Jane's eyes became as misty as hers and with a silent agreement, both girls decided to change the subject. A lump of sadness started to form inside Fen's stomach as the memory couldn't fade away. She couldn't say more and let the silence linger. To stop herself from crying, Fen started to count until ten backward then forward. She blinked tears and told herself she would try to find a way to politely decline to talk about this. It was too hard for her. Just too raw.

To cheer them up and, an hour before leaving, Jane made tea and showed her how to dip her biscuit in it. Despite her suspicion, the combination was so good Fen promised herself to show it to Alistair and her father when she would be able to bake some.

It was harvest season so flour shouldn't be too pricey at this time of the year. She'd have to ask her brother about it. But that was a worry for later, she needed to focus on the present.

''How did you get to school this morning? '' Ask the teacher as she took a second biscuit in a jar on the coffee table.  
'' I walked. '' She said with a shrug. It was less impressive than flying or swimming but it worked.  
Jane took a moment, visibly horrified by what she said.  
''From home? It must take you forever. ''  
''Around an hour. But some days the neighbor needs to go to town so he lets me ride with him in his cart and will drop me at the northern junction. He'll go to the High Town and I'll take the path to the forest. ''

Thank God for Alistair's good connections but, apparently it was not enough. Jane frowned. Was there something wrong with that method of transportation?

'' That is awfully long, I knew you came from far but this is not right. No wonder you slept! Travelling like that will leave you exhausted before class starts and one should only be tired after classes!! ''  
''I apologize for earlier. '' Fen said, embarrassed. She started to play with her dress so her hand would have something to do.

Jane waved her pristine hand. Fen couldn't help to notice how her nails were perfectly done and no callouses seemed to plague her. She must be a noble from High Town where they pay others to do busy work. The young girl realized that they'd talk all afternoon and yet, she didn't know anything about her mentor.

''No need to apologize, it gave me time to read. I rarely take the time to sit and do something for myself. It was nice. So I should thank you. '' The teacher said.

How amazing, Fen thought, the way Jane turned a source of embarrassment into a gift-giving moment. Even if she said she wasn't teaching today, the young girl was already learning that the same event had many sides and it was simply the art of picking the better one.

''Let me think of something, there must be a way for you to come here without this interminable walk.''

Fen wanted to tell her that she would walk Fillory and further to be here, but it would seem a bit too extreme.

At school, you knew the classes were over when the leaves started to change colors and wither. It was a sign from the tree that it was getting ready to go back into his acorn form and for student and teacher to leave. Jane explained to her that some days the tree wouldn't die until midnight had passed and, the rules being the rules, the class continued. Those instances were rare though, and most of the time it was more about a student not mastering a spell than it was about a sentient tree messing around with them. Today, the sun was starting to set down, so it was not a bad day.

'' You are not walking home, not at night with The Beast looming around '' Jane said as Fen was grabbing her textbook”

 

Fen felt her heart stop and part of herself went back to that day, in the tree, where she saw him against the Watcher Woman. She could still hear the echo of her voice and remember how petrified she'd been. For a fraction of a moment, she was back to being eight and scared.

''T-The Beast is here?'' she stammered her visage paling by the second.

Jane visibly understood her mistake and, with reassurance, she put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Fen tried to forget the discussion where The Beast laughed while talking about dismembering and cutting into pieces people. The same monster that had killed her mother and destroyed her family. And whistle while doing it. To this day, she never went under that trap door to fetch food or other goods store there. Her father never got angry and forced her to go. When he'd realize where it was, he would go, knowing too well that she couldn't bear the simple sound of the creaking floor over her head.

''Don't worry, the magical barriers are strong here, even if he found the school, which I doubt, there is no way he would be able to enter or attack'' Said Jane in a reassuring tone. ''You are safe here. ''  
''But not home. '' Pointed out Fen who was trying her hardest not to bolt out of the room and run home to see if everyone was safe.

Jane pursed her lips.

''You are not wrong. I know many sorcerers have enchanted towns and remote location with protective wards, but let me see if yours is secure. Would that calm you?''  
'' Y-Yes. '' She said, taking a difficult breath. '' I'm sorry...the...''  
''Don't apologize, anyone that is not afraid of The Beast is a fool. ''

Then the Watcher Woman is the foolest of all. Fen thought and nodded. She liked her teacher but was not sure she was ready to explain how deep her fear was rooted.

''Let's go grab our shoes and I'll make us a portal, shall we? '' Said the teacher with a brightness in her voice that was a bit too forced not to be unnoticed.

As they were exiting the school, the others were still in class, probably wrapping up their days. Putting her worn shoes with the elegant dress made Fen feel inappropriate, but the moment she was home, she would change into something she wouldn't have a chance to rip or stain. There were only a few of her mom dresses and she wanted to keep them as pristine as she could.

The young girl looked from side to side as they left the magic protection of the school. What if The Beast was waiting for them here? Nothing was different, aside from a drastic drop in temperature that made Fen close her cape around her to avoid cold hair biting her skin. She thanked The Gods that Jane went right away into casting a portal in front of them. Jane made it look so effortless to do and yet, it was vastly known that travel magic was one of the hardest of all. Second with time magic.

She thought entering a portal would be like diving into water. That it would feel something surrounding yourself, and it would feel like entering into something that was not there on your skin before. But nothing happened. Fen steps into the portal like she steps into a door; nothing changed but the scenery around A bit unsettled by the lack of something magical, she waited for her teacher to close the portal and they started to walk.

They were within five minutes of her house, she could already see the chimney working and making its white cloud of smoke into the darkening sky. It made Fen feel a bit better knowing that, at least, her dad remembered to keep the fire active. She felt guilty not to have worry about him at all for the day. Too engrossed in the peculiarity of the school, she forgot that, for the first time in years, her dad was alone in the house for a long period of time. Alistair promised to come early but he never could come before the sun disappeared into the horizon.

''You knew where I lived? '' Said Fen, a bit surprised that they arrived so close and wanting to say something not to leave silence between them. Jane smiled kindly.  
''The Demici residence is a well known one. The best weapons in all of Fillory are created here. '' She said with a fondness that was a bit odd; she was way too young to have known the moment of glory of her family. How could she know any of her grandfather's craftsmanship?  
''Were. '' Fen corrected. ''Were created. My dad stopped years ago. ''

There was a sadness that passed between them that stroke something hard in Fen's heart. How sad to talk about someone you love and having to downplay what they are from what they use to be.

''Life is never a certain and linear path Fen. '' Said Jane with a tender smile. '' Don't give up on him. If we are together right now, it is because he didn't give up on you. ''

The young girl nodded, not sure to understand what she meant. But Jane was wise and she would probably understand this lesson in years to come. There were things adults would say that only an experienced life makes you understand it.

''Fendria! Welcome home! '' Boomed a voice Fen knew too-well.

To her great surprise, her father was cleaned up, his scrubby beard shaved and was wearing fresh clothes. He was feather-plucking one of the chickens whom they'd talk could be their dinner. His eyes were not the sparkling one she wishes to see one day, but this vision was more than she'd hope for. She scolded herself for having expected to see her dad in his usual state of keeping busy without doing something useful. Last season, he'd painted their fence twice before starting over again because he didn't like the color. But preparing dinner, this was helpful.

Fen grinned and blushed as her father came to embrace her in front of her teacher. He wipes his hand on his grease-stained apron and extended his hand toward Jane.

''Pleasure to meet you ma'am '' He said.

In her head Fen repeated herself what Jane had said earlier; _we say, madame_. But now she knows where she picked the bad habit.

'' I'm Mrs. Horora. Fendria's teacher for the first season with us. ''  
''Thank you so much to give her a chance, I promise she won't disappoint. ''

Like falling asleep in the first hours of class. Yeah. Right. Thought the young girl who excused herself and suggested to make tea.

In the house, she put her handmade bag on the kitchen table, went to grab the tea leaves she had time to pick up two days ago and started a new kettle of hot water. Her face was flushing with emotion. Not only her dad was outside, he was helping to prepare dinner so she wouldn't have to work alone into doing it after her first day. He seemed so happy and proud of her and she felt a bubble of warmth explode inside her chest. Was this was happiness felt like? Or at least, joy?

When she came back out with a teapot and three mugs, her dad was back at finishing the chicken while her mentor was waving her arm in the air, eyes closed. Most likely working the magical barrier. Fen used an upside down log to put her tray down, poured three cups and walked to her father to give him one. He put the half feathered chicken on the ground and took the mug with grateful eyes.

''How was the first day of school. '' He asks.

Fen looked at her mentor, not sure if she would hear then sat next to her father.

''It was...overwhelming. '' She admitted in a half whisper, which made her father chuckle.  
''I didn't expect anything less. Tree School is known to intimidate and be ruthless at first, so they only keep the best. ''

The proud smile he gave her made her wonder if he'd imagine her come back in tears or worse, not even after a whole day. She managed a smile, uneasy about the idea that she had dozed off a few hours of the ruthless school time.

''Apparently, the White Lady put a word toward my admission. '' She said which made her dad stop in mid-air his motion to drink his tea.  
''Really?''sà  
'' This is what Dean Paven said. ''  
''Well, may the Gods look upon us, it means it was meant to be. ''

Fen smiled, feeling a burst of anxiety raise into her chest. She knew that, since they'd find the blade and the journal, her dad had put a lot of hope into her. If she was to be the wife of a High King, he'd said, she should have the best education and the best manners. Hense him seeking Dean Paven. But Fen started to feel that, with or without education, this promised Child of Earth might never come. Her dad asked her not to sacrifice her life for a perhaps. And yet, there she was, changing her life upside down and not helping in the house. The small part of her that was excited about all of this was quickly overcome by guilt and concern.

She got save to answer this praise by her teacher who came back, a bit redden by the effort, a smile on her face. Fen bolted on her feet and went to grab the tea mug meant for her. The mentor accepted it gracefully and drank a bit.

''Your wards were still good, though it had gotten some attack with years of usage. So I straighten them and added more protection. I would surprise anyone who wants you harm could walk across here. '' She reassured.  
''We already had protection? '' Fen asked, surprised.  
''Yeah, well the basic. '' Said her dad, clearing his throat, visibly embarrassed. '' The Watcher Woman came after...''

There was an awkward pause and Fen wanted to rush to her father's arm and beg him not to talk about it. Both of them did not heal from that terrible day and yet, he seemed more inclined to talk about it than her.

''Well after what happen to your mom.'' He said after a moment. He scratched his neck, visibly more into his memories than the conversation. '' I begged her to turn back the time but she told me this was not something she could do, so instead, she protected our house so an intrusion was impossible. ''

Sadness washed over her dad as Fen felt her heartbreak. Not only she had no vivid memories of this day, only horrible impression and feelings, but now she was learning a side of the story had never heard before. One where her father didn't crumble down the moment he arrives home and tried to save his lover. One where he went to the most powerful witch of Fillory and asked for the impossible. It was probably her refusal that had to break him. Magic bring hope because when rightly handled, it can do almost anything. But bringing back the dead was out of the reign of even The Watcher Woman. That's where hope evaporates from his heart and broke the Demici family. For the first time in her life, Fen felt an unjustified anger toward her. She was playing with time itself so much that she was scaring kings and queens. Why wouldn't she go back and bring her back her mother? What was stopping her from fixing a hole The Beast had ripped with his bare hand.

''I can't say I understand your lost '' Jane said, which surprised Fen. Usually, there was an awkward silence and a pre-made sentence you say to make you feel better and made the receiver a bit more numb to it. Yet her teacher didn't go that way at all. ''But I know that losing someone, especially in a horrific way, is losing part of yourself. ''

And there it was again. A simple yet powerful lesson given by Jane; in her condolences, there was empathy, love, and care. And yet, Fen's mother was a complete stranger to her. This grace of giving back hope and love was something the young girl crave to learn. From now on, Fen decided that she would listen to anything Jane would say or tell her to do. If she ended up half as gracious as her, she would be proud of the woman she would become.

There was always this awkward half moment of a silence after they talked about her mom. Like no one around knew how to move the conversation without seeming heartless. But, thanks to the Gods, after they all drank a sip of tea, Jane turned toward Fen and continued to talk.

''Tomorrow I will come and get you by eight. Be ready I do not want to wait. I will try to find a solution so you can travel without me. Until then we will go via a portal, it's faster and safer. '' She said putting her emptied cup on the table nearby. ''Now if you excuse me, I must go. ''

Fen nodded and stood up, not sure what to do but it felt respectful.

''Thank you for your time. '' She said, stopping herself from saying, ma'am or madame.

That night, over a full roasted chicken and some garden-ready potatoes, Fen told all about her day at the school to an attentive dad and brother. It was weird to have something to talk about that wasn't chore related or had anything to do with worries. But it felt nice. It felt like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Jasper for doing a beta over this chapter and screaming at me to continue to write.


	12. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen leans to navigate in her new environment at school

It appeared that Fen was rather good at reading, thanks to her dad's help years ago, she just needed to practice to be faster and not stop on longer and harder words. But every night, she had a chapter to read at home and, by the end of the cold season, Jane expected her to be able to read a full book within a day. This goal seemed like a mountain, but she tried to focus on the objective ahead of her; one chapter per night. 

Writing was another story. She was good to recopy words she was seeing in books or papers, but when it came time to how to spell things from memories, it was harder. She was taught the common language talked in Fillory, the one every creature used when spoken together; from her history lesson – another class she adored- she understood that it was the human form of language spoken by their Kings and Queens. Most creatures had their own form of language, but that would be the focus in later years. Now she needed to focus on her own language and, as it seemed, it had many ways to be written depending on rules and exception that were beyond the young girl comprehension. Sometimes there was silent letter, sometimes there were letter that sounded like one but was written another way and there were words that looked so long but when they have said it was short. Honestly, nothing made sense. 

Her history class felt like stories unfolding every time. The great battles, the different High Kings and Queen and the political ramification that lead to some law or death were always part of the lesson. They were still into the early history of Fillory, but yet, Fen couldn't help be surprised that from the beginning, the Gods had planned the country to be ruled by an outsider. She always assumed that something must have happened in which the Fillorians were indebted to the Child of Earth and it was why they were ruling them. But no. Ember and Umber had their set of law that no one could understand or argue about. 

She also had etiquette classes. Even Jane found them boring and useless but Dean Paven had deemed them mandatory so she learns how to cross her leg, how to talk, how to bow, how to call people depending of their rank, who should bow to her and other nonsense that only matter when you are rich and have nothing else to complain about. Most of the time, they'd spend an hour on the actual subject, then Jane would order tea or cider, they would have a snack and talk. She mostly answer Jane questions, her teacher seemed quite found of her privacy toward her own life and Fen had to respect that. 

Soon Jane knew about Emlyn who was gone for so long she barely remembered his face, she knew about Alistair's deal with the widow Brace and about her dad's depression. Her mentor became the first person she admitted not missing her mom since she never knew her. She missed the idea of her. And the idea of her dad is happy. She wasn't ready yet to tell her how terrified of failing school and his dad. As much as she adored her teacher, there was part of her wounds she was not ready anyone to see. 

Nearly a month into her study, Fen got rewarded by Dean Paven with a magic wand. This oak stick was filled with its own magic and had to be recharged every week, but with a series of precise movement, she could open a portal on her own and move from school to her house. She was to keep the secret of that wand since, apparently, such object was more the type of magic Loria used and was frown upon in any part of Fillory. She knew it was a way for her to do magic without having any ability, and though she should feel ashamed compare to her school friends who could either teleport, do portal or swim to the school, Fen couldn't be more excited at the idea that she could do a bit of magic on her own. It felt like tasting a forbidden fruit; only Children of Earth were known to do magic in Fillory. At least human wise. Wait... was the Watcher Woman human? She should ask Jane.

Now seated at her desk, Fen was answering a series of questions she had to find the answer in several books stored up around her. Apparently, it was to see her improvement in reading and writing, but it mostly gave her a headache. The questions were really precise and some of the books were saying the opposite of one another. 

''History is written by historians, never forget. '' Had said Jane and Fen weren't sure to understand what it meant. 

Did High Queen Margaret fight against the White Dragon with or without the help of the elves? It would make such a difference in the political portrait of their relationship with the nation. Which, by the way, was such a mess that it was no wonder why they were trying to stay away from Whitespire. 

''Ah! There you are! '' Boomed the happy voice of Badek. ''Come, it's time to eat. Professor Horada told me her meeting with Dean Paven will be longer than expected and to get you and go eat. '' 

Jane was gone for nearly an hour now. She wonders what was so urgent that the Dean herself came to seek her in class. Hense why Fen had to do that boring quiz. She let a sigh of relief, feeling hungry and happy to have an excuse to stop what she was doing. Badek just waves toward the corridor, inviting her to get out. Trying to grab some of his contagious smiles, she followed him outside into the meadow. 

The sea creature seemed to wander through the ponds but otherwise, everyone was sitting in the shadow of the school. For the first time in her mouth at the school. Fen realized there was not a glimpse of the cold air she felt this morning when she left home. In fact, it felt as warm as any day of the scorching season. She looked up, trying to see if the sun was the result of the change, but it didn't seem any different than usual. 

'' Everything alright? '' Badek asked as he made them walk toward the larger group of student.  
'' It's really warm today. '' She simply said which made him chuckle.  
''Temperate spell. It's always like this, never hotter, never colder. It is great magic. You'll see soon it will snow and we will watch the forest becoming white and frozen feet from us while we are getting sunburn. ''

They arrive near Taxon who seemed into a big discussion with another student that seemed from elvish upbringing. The pointy ear was a giveaway. He was the new student since Meredith, the half-giant, had failed her practical magic test last week. Fen had seen him in the morning and, as he did for her, Taxon had become the welcoming committee. The fact that they all stop talking when she sat down with them was not notice to the young girl, but she tried not to take it as a bad thing. 

''So you're the human. '' Said the elf, eyeing her with interest.  
Quite a welcoming  
'' Call me Fen. '' She said, frowning, not liking that people were naming her by her race. It was a tendency with her at school.  
'' Navarre. '' He said, nodding. 

His gaze stops being inquisitive when three small chubby creature walks toward them. They were harboring the school crest -an acorn with root digging into the ground- and bow to them. As they started to do hand gesture and waiving stick around. As they were performing their magic for their lunch to appear, Fen couldn't help but smile genuinely. It still felt so unreal that she was here at Tree School. Yet those moments of wonder made her grateful every time. 

Bowls of a different kind of food appear in front of them. The young girl felt her mouth water as the different smell assaulted her sense. Everyone's glass was either filled with red or white wine, depending which would fit better with today's meal. It took the gnome one day to understand that Fen would continue with the cider her mentor had provided at their first meeting. Since then, every time she could she would have a glass. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw mashed potatoes, cooked carrots, and beets with a steak covered of a thick gravy sauce. This whole meal was nothing she could ever have home and she couldn't believe that something like this was made for her. She took a second to thanks Ember and Umber for such fortune. The few pounds she was gaining was due to their grace. 

She looked up to thank the creature to bring her such good meal but they were already gone. Taxon, Badek, and Navarre already digging into their own food and talking about class. Not listening, the young girl decided to enjoy each bite she would have. Her family was doing a lot of sacrifices for her to be here and it wouldn't be doing them any kindness to swallow food and taking it for granted. 

''The Blooming festival preparation is already starting at home. '' Said Badek in an annoyed voice. ''My parent never go to the surface to see it, yet this year we all going for almost the whole thing. I think they want to show off this year since I'm here. ''  
'' Gods same'' complained Taxon. '' I think if my mother doesn't say at least once a day that I study here, she will explode. I understand that it's a privilege but I am the one studying. Not her. ''

Navarre laughs slightly, Taxon wink and took a bite of the meat on his plate. It surprised a bit the young girl that someone from the wood would eat animals, but who was she to judge or know anything specific about his race eating habit. It was quite an impolite question to ask, even to your friend. After all, some animal were herbivores, some were carnivores. It must be the same in any able-to-talk race. 

''Do you know how long you'll have to do catch up classes before coming to our class? '' Badek asked, clearly wanting to include Navarre in the discussion.  
'' They said maximum a week. Those tests are so basic I am already bored. '' He said, shrugging off. 

Fen wonder if he was that advance or wanted to show off. She still remembered how good and perfect she had wanted to look the first day of school. By the second day, she had tripped over her own feet and fell into a pond which made everyone laugh and marked her as the clumsy she was. Thank the gods Kay knew a drying spell and helped her fix her hair. Fen truly believes that, it was at that moment the girl warmed to her. Apparently making a fool out of herself made Kay understand she wasn't a competition or something. 

Taxon whistle, impressed by Navarre. '' By the Gods, only one? I had three. ''  
'' A full moon for me. '' Said Kay  
''Same. '' Said Badek

Navarre looked at her waiting for her to tell how long she would stay out of the magical classes. Fen felt herself blushing under his gaze, thinking that everyone knew she wouldn't join the other for next season. For the first time, she wonders if her special arrangement with the school was branding her as stupid. Taxson saw her face, redden and upset and put a calming hand on hers. 

'' Human don't do a lot of magic Fen. Don't worry about needing more time, it is not something you must have been taught at home. Most of us have seen it or learned some of it before coming here. You start from scratch. '' Taxon said with a comforting smile. It was like he was reading her mind. 

Badek must have told Navarre how long of a class she had on her own because of his eyes widen. She should be grateful that he tried to hide his amusement, but it was still showing and was rubbing her the wrong way. The fact that the only magic she could do was not hers didn't mean she was not worth to be here. It had been one of her first lesson with Jane and she tried to remember it as she started to feel conflicted emotion.

Anger, pride, shame, and dignity were battling into her chest. For the first time in her life, Fen put down her plate, unable to eat anymore, and there was still food on it. Emotion had twisted her stomach.

''They want to put you into theoric class first so you don't light your ass on fire by trying a half-understood spell. '' Her friend continues. He made vines grow on her arm to distract her from the others. She looked at them growing on her arm and found back part of her smile. He knew how she loved when he showed his power like that and, to be honest, it was tingling her a bit. ''When Kay arrived in defense class, she almost exploded the room since she didn't understand the difference between a defensive spell and a protective one. They must just want to make sure no one gets injured this time. '' 

Or it is because I do not have any magic and theory is all I can hope for. Fen thought but nodded at the dryad. Despite not being hungry, she stuffed her mouth with food so she wouldn't have to answer.

'' Don't act like your first spell class went smoothly Tax. '' Laughed the drawer next to him. '' Took you weeks to make a spark then you burn the curtain. '' 

Badek went into telling Fen the embarrassing story of his friend misfortune, but she only half listens. She couldn't care less about their mistake in the past. The important was that they were still here. Meaning they were strong and powerful enough not to get kicked out. By the Gods, how will they react when they learn she was magicless...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed it, please leave a kudo or a comment I live for those and I need validation LOL


	13. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen goes to Brighthaven to see her brother she hasn't seen in three years.

Following his promise, as the cold season was settling in, Alistair and Emlyn had been arranging a trip to town to see him. He'd propose to this girl who captured his heart and desperately wanted them to meet her before any wedding planning. To both Fen and Alistair great surprise, their dad asked if he could join in their trip, making his first out of the neighborhood in years. It was unspoken between the three of them, but since Fen found that blade, something sparked back into the old blacksmith's eyes and he was slowly but surely getting out of the fog he'd been lost in for years. 

So Fen used her acquired skill to write cursive letters to write to her brother, announcing their coming by the time of the Blooming festival, which was a perfect time since school would be closed for a few days in order for the activities to spark all over the country. On the coldest weeks of the bitter season, the Snow Tree and the Moonlight flower would bloom in the field. Only growing when the air was crisp and the ground frozen, they would get their peak that week. During the day, the Snow Three would bloom its fruits and merchant would harvest its fruits, Snowlites, to sell, bake and give away. Herbalist and healer would wait for the moon to appear to pluck the open Moonlight Flower and its seed. They were crucial in many remedies and it was told that it could cure almost anything. When it had failed to heal King Rupert wounds, that's how the healer at the castle had known there was nothing to be done for him. 

Part of the most enjoyable thing of the event was how no one wanted any money out of these; their beauty and rarety would bring all Fillorians together into a week of festivities that was, apparently, nothing like any other fairs and festivals during warmer seasons. Even water spirit would come out of the icy water to seek the beauty of it. Once again, it was something Fen always dreamed to go, but never manage to see. And it this year of all change, she would. 

All the student supposed to meet to eat, drink and enjoy time together out of the meadow. Fen was not sure if she should or could come. She was not the only underage student, but she was more reserved than Tyh, the fifteen years old satyr that convinced the gnome to give him wine despite his age. 

So when the day came, Fen, Alistair, and their dad put their warmest clothes, got their fur cloak and snow boots and walked to Brighthaven, where Emlyn was now staying. Going in carriage could have saved them about two hours, but the cost was too high and they wanted to spare the bit of money they have in order to buy food for Emlyn as a thank you for hosting them. Feeding three people could be a task. 

It had snow the day before and it was still going lightly, dusting the road with white. The tree branches were heavy with the recent storm and some of them were almost touching the ground. By the many footprints intertwined, it was clear that more than one farmer took this road to go to High Town or Brighthaven's festivities. Fen saw a birds nest in one of them and wonder what kind of brave bird was living here during the cold season. 

She let Alistair and her dad talk most of the way. It was mostly conversations about Mrs. Brace farm and improvement they would have to do together. Instead of participating, she took this time to enjoy the path ahead and practiced in her mind to spell the words she had to learn by the end of the months. Recommend and accommodate takes two m's but not embarrassed, when she used verbs with a third person attribute there would be an s at the end but for the Water Nymphs because they do not have a word in their culture for a third person pronoun so it is rarely used. Instead, you had to use we or them. 

''Fillory to Fen. '' Teased Alistair, poking her side in her thick fur cloak. ''Did you hear anything I just asked?''   
''Hum? No sorry, I was practicing my English lessons.''   
''I love that you are hard working. '' Her dad answer, laughing a little. ''But take a day off my love. You are obviously in need of a break and this is why we are going to see Emlyn. '' 

Fen bit her lips, not sure if she should tell him that she felt obligated to work every waking hour as a thank you for his sacrifice. Three school wasn't free and money was not easy to gather. 

''I was asking if you wanted to go directly to Em' or see the town first. '' Alistair asked mercifully changing the subject.   
''Oh, let see Emlyn first. We could go to the festivities with him! After all, he's the reason we are going!''

The young girl really hoped her family was not like the one from her school, bringing them everywhere to show off their prodigy. Despite his father denying it, him coming had sparked a bit of doubt in her mind. Especially when Alistair had reminded her that she needed to look as polished and prepared than any school day. She felt a bit foolish with her elaborate braid making her hair into a bun. But it was one of the rare hairdos she remembered to do without her notes and it would fit best for her earmuffs. It wasn't a perfect execution and if Dean Paven would have pointed the loose strand and the hair poking out in one side of her right braid, but Jane would have been happy with it. If ever she was to be the High King's wife, by the Gods she hopes he wouldn't care about her hair appearance. 

''Plus, it is amazing to think that he owns a blacksmith shop!'' She said brightly. She almost pointed out that her dad use to have one but it felt like reopening a wound for no reason.   
''And I want to see that girl of hers.'' said her brother, catching her mistake. She gave him a thankful smile. '' Anyone that make him settle must be quite something. ''

By the end of the two hours of walk, Fen feet were killing her and, despite buying the best they could afford, her snow boots were soaked and she felt her feet starting to frost. The closer they got to town, the more people they met on the road, going to see family, friends or in an Inn. Pixies and Wood spirits were decorating nearby forest with lantern garlands leading to, most likely, a patch of Moonlight flowers. 

As they cross the bridge that led to the town entrance, smells started to arrive at her nose and open her appetite. Cinamon, raising dough, chocolate and other aroma made their way to them. Street vendors were selling their foods or a hot beverage to warm up. A merry and cheerful music was playing somewhere and echoed into the alley they were going. Fen recognized the Hymn to the Gods and smile. It was one of her favorites to sing when she was younger. Fillory had become sad, dark and solitary the past few years. Seeing so many people and creature together, deciding to choose joy over fear. This was amazing to see. Their own way to recreate the country The Beast was killing. 

They walked in the tangled streets and the narrow passage until they found their way to the Blacksmith house Emlyn had just bought. Fen heart started to beat so hard she was sure everyone could hear it. Bouncing slightly on her feet – it was not ladylike but who cared! - she looked at her dad knocking on the door, ready to see a brother she hasn't seen in three years. 

A tall and muscular man open the door. He had the same brown hair every Demici siblings had, the green eyes of their mom and a smile that was from ear to ear. He had taken weight and muscle in two years and, it is with a bit of surprised that Fen realized her brother was now a grown up. A man. 

'' Emlyn! '' Exclaimed Fen, unable to contain her happiness and jump into his arm. It felt nice to have his arm around her. His scent washed the younger girl over with memories of their time when he was home and chasing her with a stick or helping her to climb the counter to get cookies. 

''Hey kiddo. '' He laughed releasing her. ''You are quite elegant''   
'' Thanks...Thank you. '' She corrected herself and pretended not hearing her brother and father laughing behind. 

He let her go to shake their dad's hand and embrace Alistair. A few minutes later, they were in the house, their coat and boots drying near the fireplace while they sat around it, a cup of coco boiling up on the stove. Fen felt some sensation come back to her toes and it felt like small needles climbing her feet. A weird sensation she never got used to. 

''She's helping with the opening ceremony. '' Emlyn was saying, answering to his dad question about his new fiancé. Winriel seemed so good, kind and beautiful in his letter, Fen was impatient to meet her. 

She frowns when she saw her legs were not properly crossed and put them together like Jane told her. In a normal cotton dress, it wouldn't have mattered as much, but she didn't want to risk any of her mom's dress for the few days out of their house. Gods, it was weird to look at her posture and manners, but she tried to remind herself her mentor's words. Every occasion is a moment to learn and be better, only by practicing can you improve. It had worked with her writing and her diction, so it will work for this too. It was just a harder habit to break.

The kettle started to wheeze and Fen promptly got up to look if the warm beverage was ready. Emlyn laughs at her impulsed but lets her serve them. That was one thing she always did at home and knew she was good at. Practice, practice, practice. 

''So, how is school? '' Her older brother asked with genuine interest. It made her blush and shrug.   
''It's alright. '' She said, knowing she should put the conversation toward something more important. But it was nice to see that he was reading her letters, otherwise, how would he have known that she was going there.   
''Alright?'' He said, raising an eyebrow. ''Alright is boring. Alright is a day taking care of a farm -no offense Al - ''   
''None took.''   
''Or spending all day hammering metal to repair people's wear. I refuse to believe that Tree School is only alright. ''

All the boys laughed and Fen rolled her eyes, a smile spreading across her red face. He was right, of course, but she didn't want to talk about her, she wanted to hear everything about him. Letters can tell you so much about someone. Though, thinking about it, it might be the same with him. When it was her father or Alistair writing before she learned how to, stories were sparse and the news was not the best. 

''Okay okay'' She conceded. ''It is pretty great. I'm learning to read faster and to write! Well, you know that I wrote you the last letter. But it's great. Spelling is hard though. ''

Now started, she couldn't help her joy explode into her chest and felt her face glowing with happiness. She was and felt visibly excited and her fast speech was the proof of it. 

''People there don't know I can't do magic but we are not in the same class. I'll do theory with them. They are great. Well, some are. They started to stop reminding me that I was a human, which I guess is a good thing. ''   
''Wait, they really keep pointing that out? '' Said her dad, raising an eyebrow.   
''Yeah, a bit. It stopped but then we got a new student and he told me how his family leads him to think we are not the brightest creature in Fillory. ''

She could see her brother straightening in a protective manner that made her smile a bit. Since that time in the trapdoor, they have been so protective of her it had taken her a long time to do anything without one of them looking after her. 

''Don't worry, at lunch, I asked him what a word I've read meant. He was happy to help me. And when I pointed the word Racism he got so angry he left without finishing eating. My other friends laughed so hard they were crying.''

Fen's dad almost spat his cocoa as she was saying her story as her brothers were howling with laughter. She couldn't help herself but be proud of their reaction. Something warmed up in her chest. How nice it was to say to people that she had friends...

''He apologized the day after, now we are good. Not best friends, but yeah.... ''   
''Well done. '' Laughed Emlyn with a grin. ''I would have punched him, but this work too.''   
''Emlyn!'' Warned their dad, knowing the bad influence her brother was on her.   
''Oh I wanted!'' Fen said winking at her father. '' But it's immediately discharged from the school if there's an act of violence or battle magic. So I used my brain. ''   
''That's what you are the best as. '' Said Alistair. 

There was something in this exchange. Of her talking about class, her brother listening, their dad scolding them, all drinking cocoa and getting warm by the fire. It was a picture of an unbroken family. It was the first time in years that she felt like that. How she wished there was something that could capture this moment forever. Something that would pause everything and, every time she needed a reminder of how her effort was worth something, she could see this. Instead, she tried to soak at the moment and simply enjoy her brothers' retelling stories about their own bullies. The Demici kids never accept hate as an answer. Kindness and compassion were not always easy to do, but it was the right way to act around the world.


	14. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen discovers that being a Tree School student mean something to a lot of Fillorians. And she is not prepare to this reality

Fen's dad decided to stay home as the three kids were getting ready to see the activities and buy food for dinner. He said the walk had tired his old bones. The young girl thought it was most likely his sickness coming back at him. It was the first time he'd ever been out of their corner of land in years. Being in town and having so much emotion must have exhausted him. Like that time he saw the chest. It had taken him two full days to be able to get out of his bed and for Fen to ignore his red-rimmed tearful eyes So the three kids left him alone for a much-needed nap, put their cloak on and went downtown.

Her boots were not all dry, but with the wool sock Emlyn gave her, Fen was sure not to catch a cold. The sun was starting to lower and it was showing; the air became colder and more crips. It hurt her face.  
As people were getting fires ready in metal barrels so street goer could always warm themselves for a moment before continuing their evening. Flower shape lanterns were illuminating the street and Fen couldn't help to wonder who had the patience to put such a beautiful and delicate piece of art floating everywhere. It felt like they were walking under a flower field. She would have to ask Jane about that kind of magic. Even the fire didn't seem to burn the paper-like petals they were having. And as if the view was not overwhelming enough, the smell of the bakeries and stand merchants were attacking her from everywhere

Biting her lips, she tugged at Alistair's cloak. With a glance, the sibling had an agreement and Fen slipped away into the open market that was on the next street while he would distract their brother. Both knew that he would never take any money for hosting them. Yet, it felt right. So instead of giving him coins of silver and gold, they both had decided that they would buy dinner. That way, once the food was bought, he couldn't say no.

Fen decided to go for bread at first. It was an easy purchase and would make anyone in the household happy; flour was gone for a long time in their house so Fen didn't make any for weeks now. The last time she had eaten some, it was that time at the river with her brother.

''Welcome welcome! '' Chimed a voice as she closes the door of the bakery. It smelt like bread and sugar and dough. By the Gods, she could eat the whole store if she could.  
''Hi, hm... '' Fen stopped herself to say she was coming to buy bread because, let's face it, that was a stupid thing to say. ''It smells really good in here. ''

 _If you do not know what to say, say nothing or compliment the other person_. Had said, Jane. Her classes started to sink into her. A mid-size man came to see her, an apron over his clothes and cover of flour. His darker skin should have made him a Lorian, but his accent was clearly from Fillory. Intriguing but not unheard of. The Lorian War of Queen Yane had made a lot of orphans that she had taken under her care. Kids of both sides had been welcome in the orphanage that she built when the battles were over. We made them lose their parent, now it is our duty to raise them as they had several was one of the most famous quotes of her reign. He must be the descendant of one of them.

''Why thank you! Usually, by now I am sleeping to get a few rests before dawn where the bread had to be bake for breakfast, but today is over time! Fresh bread all night! '' He said with a grin, showing off his loaf of bread. It was true that, by this time of the day, only dry or sad low-cost bread was left on the shelves. Not those golden crisp loaf that wealthy people could afford.  
''Exception for the festival? '' She asks, browsing at the different kind of bread presented to her.  
''Oh yes, best time of the year for businesses. Thank the Gods m'dad come in the mornin' to take care of day customer. Can't stay awake for three days. ''  
''Gods, you will be exhausted by the end of it! ''  
''Gotta do what you gotta do! Can't let a nice lady like you bein' hungry tonight.''

Being called a lady was weird for Fen. She knew that, by the way, she was dressed, she looked like someone of high rank. And this was the polite way to address people. But it was only hairdo and a fur cloak that hid more humble clothes. She had learned pretty early with Jane that your status is more about how you project yourself than what you really are.

''This is kind of you, sir.'' She said, deciding to extend the politeness.  
''Didn' saw you aroun' before. Are you a visitor? ''  
''Yes, I come from up north, near the silver river. ''  
''Ah! We need you lots! Sharecroppers are most needed, 'specially for my flour. ''

Fen laughs politely, because how awkward would it be if she'd say the truth about her family situation. The door opened and the baker excused himself to greet the other customer, letting Fen breath a bit. Small talk and politeness were to be expected, but part of her couldn't help thinking that Jane was looking at her and would report everything she did wrong during the weekend. She straightens her posture and went to the soft grain loaf she knew Alistair liked.

'' Oy! Fen! '' A well-to-known voice called her.

She turned to see Taxon waving at her with a grin, he walked toward her. Fen couldn't help to feel a bit excited that not only she had friends, but they were acknowledging her outside of school. He greeted her with a warm hug that surprised her but made her laugh. The older student was a very tactile kind of person and it was a rare thing to share outside of her family. It felt nice.

''You told me you were not sure to come! So happy to see you! '' He said  
''Oh well my dad decided to come too, so we arrived earlier. ''  
''That means we'll see you tomorrow at the White Unicorn? ''  
'' I am not sure, I don't have the legal age to drink.''  
''Bah, they let everyone in. Come on! You have to come. It is really fun to see each other outside of school. '' He said his emerald eyes imploring. Not only he was handsome, but he knew it. Fen was sure he was using his charm on her and the young girl couldn't help but to blush and feel a bit happy he wanted her there.  
''Alright alright, let me see what I can do. '' She gave in, throwing her hand in the air.

He raised his fist in the air as a sign of victory as they both laughed. She went to the counter with her loaves of bread waiting for the baker to come and make her pay; the place had started to fill in with customers as dinner time was approaching. Taxon was wearing a warm jacket with gloves and thick booth. It was the first time she was seeing him without his eternal short sleeve shirt or vest. He usually showed a lot of skin and let leaves and vine decorate it with the mood of the day. Now, except his obvious too green eyes and an earing-shape vine at his right ears, he seemed as normal as anyone. It was a weird sight. For the first time, Fen realized that she might not be the only one that was putting a show at school; everyone was pretending to be something, someone, else. Or was this only because the cold was affecting wood dryad as well. Was it rude to ask him?

''Are you done shopping? '' He asked ''I have to go get some stuff for my family in another place we could do it together. ''

Fen always liked how he always manages to surround himself with people, creating an opportunity to never be alone like this. Yet, she knew if she refused, he'd never be mad and would understand. It was one his most lovable quality.

''I'd like that. You seem to know the town more than I do. '' She noted motioning the baker that was coming toward them.  
''Oh I come to Brighthaven all the time, my family lives in the northern part of the wood. Right after the river. ''

She couldn't answer as the baker came behind his counter and started to wrap her loaves of bread in brown paper before putting them in a bag.

''How much do I owe you? '' She asks getting her pouch with the little money she had.  
''Oh for a school friend of Tax? T'is free. No no don't you dare argue ma'am. It is me pleasure!'' He said seeing her open her mouth to protest that it was not fair as he'd just told her how it was his best days to make money. ''It's b'cause of studen' like you lots that there strong enough people to defend us against... '' He lowered his voice ''The Beast''

A shiver came to Fen spine as every time she heard his name. But something else came with it. A deep sinking fear that people would think she'd had any power to protect them. It is not with good etiquette that you kill a monster like this. Once again, her feeling of being a fraud started to overwhelm her.

''Plus, a pretty young lad like you, I can't charge. '' The baker added. There must have been something showing on her face, either fear or shame, for him to add that.  
''Thanks, Hans. I'll see you tomorrow '' said Taxon in place of her, taking the bag out of the counter and putting a gentle hand on her back so they walk away so another customer could pay.

Once outside, Fen looked at her friend and shook her head, unable to speak and letting the cold air whipping her back to reality.

''We...We can't accept that'' She exclaimed after a moment. '' Tax we don't protect them at all! I mean we even hide from them in the wood. How can someone think we are anything as strong then... you know. ''

Taxon took her arm and started to stroll down the aisle, his eyes were looking around as he wanted to make sure people were not listening to them before his usually smiling face frown deeply. A shadow went across his eyes and she fears she'd said something she shouldn't have.

''We might not be as strong now Fen. ''He said with a calm voice. Clearly, he was searching for his words. ''But we will be. That's why we train. We have to be strong with our magic to protect those who are less inclined to it. If you knew how many Alumni have protected part of this country just by putting wards or having their own battle against it. We can't wait for another set of Kings and Queen from Earth to come and save the day. The problem is now, we have to take care of it ourselves, as fillorians. ''

To each word he was pronouncing, Fen felt part of her being inspired and agreeing with him. There was something amazing into what he was saying. If it was true, creatures of everywhere seemed to have one goal and put their feud aside in order to protect their land. But then, the other part, knew that the only thing she could ever bring a form of protection was to give power to the future High King with a blade made by her grandfather. Except for her sacrifice, there was nothing else she could do to protect those she loves. Oh, how she wishes she could tell him that. But Jane and Dean Paven had warned her; if anyone knew the reason for her presence, she would be removed from the school immediately.

''I am not any of this'' She said, forcing him to stop. She felt panic rose inside her and tear form into her eyes. Oh by the gods how did this happen.  
''Oh... ''

Taxson saw her and pulled her aside. He put the bag of bread on the edge of a windowsill and took her in his arm. It was a genuine embrace. One that she only ever got by her brothers. She should blush or something. Instead, she closed her eyes, hating the tears that went to her cheek and battling for other not to form. She felt herself shaking in his arm. If The Beast thought she was getting stronger, she would be a target. She might die in the same horrible way her mom did.

''Sorry Fen sorry. Hey, relax. '' He said stroking her back with one of his hand. ''Sorry sometimes I forget that you're way younger. ''

He cursed in a language she didn't know, probably one of his people. She took a deep breath, trying to calm down. She was not sure what her age had anything to do with it but she didn't have the capacity to ask without crying. And right now she was fighting this impulse really hard.

'' You'll have years to become a master of your power at the school. '' He promised her. '' We can leave when we feel ready, so don't be afraid, it's okay that you don't know yourself yet. I mean, I don't know myself and I am a grandpa' compare to you. ''

This bad attempt at a joke made her chuckle. Her heart clunch. Keeping the truth out of her lips was becoming harder by every word he was saying.

''And they are not forming super savior. This is not what the school is. '' Continued Taxon pulling her away from his embrace. She had calm down now but still took a deep breath to keep it that way. One of his hand brushed away the last tear that pearled on her cheek. ''The school is there to make you the best at what you can do. Some of us want to fight and protect, and they help us in this way. But you don't have to follow that path if you don't want. If you want a quiet life after it, you can too. Don't let expectation form other decide who you want to be. ''

Oh, the irony of these last words. Wasn't it why all this madness had started? Because someone had decided of the faith any Demici girl until someone will swipe her away. If this was not an expectation, she was not sure what was.

''M...My mom got kill by The Beast. '' She admitted, wiping absent tears. She needed a reason for her breakdown. A reason that was not how much of a liar she had been. ''I just... I'm really scared of him. ''

This was the truth.

''If you were not, I would think you were the most stupid person in Fillory. '' Reassured his friend kissing her forehead.

They continued their way to the market to pick up fruits and vegetables as Fen decided to unload part of her chagrin on him. For the first time in her life, she told to someone that was not her family or mentor about her mom's murder and how the only memories she had of this event were vivid yet intangible. This traumatic experience must be the reason she almost crumbles every time the monster is ever mentioned. She was so engrossed in her story she barely noticed that Taxon had made sure she didn't pay for anything they'd bought. She only realized it when they were back in the main street, their hands full of bags, her purse still heavy and her story finally over.

''You know Fen. '' Said Taxon after she was done. ''What happened to your family, happened to many more. This is why I am proud to have power strong enough to protect. But wanting to fade away and be forgotten is also totally fine. Whatever you do with your gift, I will not judge.''

Well, the way he was putting it was still a judgment; use your power to help Fillory or be a coward.

''But you are young and don't have to decide now.'' He tucked a piece of hair that fell from her braid behind her ear. When his hand left, a red and pink rose had bloom right over it. He had the most wonderful use of magic she ever saw. Her heart skipped a beat and blush. ''I know it's hard for you since you have to take care of your family, but if people want to help you with how they can, accept it. Maybe Hans only way to thank you for the hope you are bringing to him was his bread after all. ''

Something warm came into her chest at the idea. Bringing hope. Maybe she was not the most powerful sorceress of her time, but if people saw her as a beacon of light in the ever growing darkness, this could be something to be proud of. It was all she could give. Like Hans and his bread.

''You're right. '' She said after a moment.

He smiles and kissed her forehead, making her blush even deeper.

''Good. Now I have to go. Enjoy the blooming tonight! See you tomorrow. ''

They hugged one last time and he left waving at her. She would have waived back if her hand were not full of bags.

The Gods had planned for her, that she understood a few days after discovering her grandfather's journal. She was happy they were putting people like Taxon in her way to make her way through it much easier to walk through.


	15. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen experience a rare glimpse of happiness as the Blooming Festival is on its way

Winriel ended up being a woman a year younger than Emlyn, with hair as red as fire and a smile that made you want to give it back. She was as thin as many commoners lately, more a case of hunger than a strike of fashion. She arrived at the house at the same time Fen had and, after an awkward presentation, they both went into the kitchen and unloaded the food the younger girl had brought. Fen had gasped in awe when she saw that Hans the Baker had put a brioche in her bag; she never had one and always wanted to eat some. As excited as her, Winriel suggested warming the pastry in the oven while they were finishing their unpacking so it would be warm. She'd made tea and both girls shared the sugary sweet with great delight as they learned to know each other.

That's how she learned that she met her brother as he volunteers to make wood for the winter for her family in exchange for a bit of money. It was not much, but it was just her and her mom and this was a task none of them had the strength to do. What became some shy smile and offering tea for break became quickly something more and by the end of that month, Emlyn court her every moment they had. When the wood job was over, he'd ask permission to her mother to bring her to a proper dinner. That night they'd started to see each other and on the anniversary of their six months of relation, he'd ask for her hand. Her mother was getting older and couldn't have been happier that she'd found someone that could bring her food and protection. After all, it was known in Brighthaven that Emlyn was about to buy the Blacksmith shop before the cold season would end.

It felt like a story coming from the storybook her dad use to make her read. At the time it had been a bit impossible to find love that way. And yet, her brother had. She was sure Winriel was not sharing the hardship they must have had, but it was still pretty amazing that it happened. It was a bit with a heavy heart that Fen started to understand the weight of the promise she made to her dad. At the moment, it was so easy to say yes. To say she would marry a stranger if it meant making him and the rest of the family better. But this meant, she realized, there was no way she would find the kind of love Winriel and Emlyn had. Chosen, free and wholehearted. The idea of now marrying someone she didn't know seemed terrifying. What if he was twice her age? What if he to claim her before her majority? Oh, Gods, she needed to stop thinking about that.

So she decided to start cooking dinner.

It felt nice for her to do something she used to. The chore of cutting vegetable and preparing dinner felt like she was back to her old self. Not that she complained that her dad had made dinner for the house every night since she became a student at the Three School. But this sudden change in the routine had left her with something she never used to: time. She would take it to make her assignment for the night that Jane had given her or would answer her father eager question about her day. When she went to bed at night, she was not going by pure exhaustion but with her head full of question and enigma she would have to ask her mentor the upcoming day. But not tonight. With the long walk to the town, shopping with Taxon and the excitement of the day slowing down, Fen felt her body craving for a blanket and a pillow.

When they arrived, Winriel made drinks for the men and was a good hostess. Fen father had woken up when both brothers arrived noisily into the house. They were all talking and congratulating the young couple for their engagement and over her steaming strew, Fen couldn't help but smile at the background noise they were offering. Once again, she wishes there was a way to frame this small piece of happiness to be remembered forever.

The food on the table was warm -even the loafs thanks to the brioche idea a bit earlier- when Fen called everyone out for diner. The delight in everyone's face made her swell with pride. A table with so much food was rare and it was nice to see them happy about it. Taxon was right, maybe she could give something like hope by her actions.

By the end of dinner, everyone had eaten more than they had in months. The mood was lifted by their belly feeling full and the idea that there was still leftover for tomorrow was only making things better. Even her dad was smiling and laughing.Fen would have to remember to pray Ember and Umber for their generosity.

Emlyn had refused that she does the dishes, saying she had done enough for the day. He gave her a cup of tea and send her to the living room to warm by the fire before getting ready for the bloomings tonight. The other was cleaning the kitchen, letting her rest. _Their way of saying thank you._ She likes the idea that Taxon had implanted in her. That sometimes, small gesture are all you can give to show you care. Now she will have to accept them and not feel guilty.

With a full belly, the warmth of a blanket and the fire and the exhaustion of the day, it took Fen less than five minutes to fall asleep on the couch. It was a dreamless sleep that left her groggy and hard to wake up when, an hour or two later, her dad shook her shoulder gently. They had to leave if they wanted to see the flowers tonight since tomorrow it would be only allowed to druids and herbalist. Common people were allowed the spectacle only once a year.

They were all cover in cloak and earmuff when they went outside. The moon was just starting to show up and, without the sun to warm the air, the air became so sharp that Fen had to hide her face in the wool scarf Emlyn had lent her. They were not the only one braving the cold evening; a dozen of small groups was walking at the border of the town, to the forest where Fen had seen pixies earlier. The lantern they had placed were now lighting a path and guiding them in the forest. As they were approaching, she heard laughter and talks from everyone. People had even started to sing The Widow Song, a common chant during the Blooming festival. Apparently, it came from a real story and had spread over Fillory as a hymn to remind yourself that there is beauty in everything.

_On the riverbank_   
_Where the wind blows_   
_My love has sank_   
_Frozen under the snow_

_How cold season, why are you cruel_  
 _Bring my love to me_  
 _T'is the eve of_ yule  
 _My heart is in the sea_

_Bloom your_ prettiest  
 _Make me forget my sorrow_  
 _I might've lost my groom_  
 _Soothe me til tomorrow_

_How cold season, why kind_   
_Showing life continue to go_   
_With your lights, I'll find_   
_Peace and grief under a willow_

It was not a long song, but it was the kind that one person started to sing then another will follow with a bit of delay. Then a third and a fourth. By the end it, many of the people were signing together sounded like bells and chimes. When she noticed her dad had joined the song, she'd tuck Alistair's arm to make him notice. He took her hand in his and squeezed it as hard as he could.


	16. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen last moment into her eleven years before another chapter of her life begins.

The morning after, everyone did what they never allow themselves to do; they slept in. Not being awake by the sun hitting her eyes or by the rooster singing, Fen ended up sleeping a few hours more. Alistair asked Emlyn not to wake up her and it had been greatly appreciated. Usually, she was the one making breakfast for her and her dad, but when she came to the kitchen, everyone was already eating and a hot mug of cocoa was waiting for her on the stove. They'd use the rest of the bread from the day before and there was even a jar of raspberry jam Winriel had made when it was the gathering season. The older lady showed her to dip the toast in her coco and the young girl decided this would be her favorite meal until the day she died. 

They talked about the blooming flowers and Fen couldn't help to be excited by the idea of seeing the tree doing the same thing tonight. It had been such a wonder to see each petals glowing into a vivid blue before opening. On the inside, some were pink, some were red, some were yellow, some had a deeper blue. It was like seeing a rainbow opening on the ground. People had cheered and applaud before taking a moment of silence to themselves and acknowledge the beauty of the moment. Fen had closed her eyes and thank the Gods for making her witnessing this with her family. Who knew when it would happen again. 

As the boys started to talk politics and other towns gossip, Fen ended up following her soon to be sister in law to her mother's house. After presenting herself to Winriel's mother, both girls went into the older girl's bedroom and through her closet. Apparently, a lot of clothes were not fitting her anymore and she'd wanted to give them away for weeks. Emlyn had suggested to give it to her since she needed more proper clean clothes to go to school. 

''It must be something to see the School grow every day. '' Said the redhead girl as she was putting pins in one of her skirts so she could make it fit for Fen's smaller hips. Apparently, there was a way to sew that was easy to unstitched the fabric and adjust the size. The younger girl was excited to learn how to do it since it would save her to buy a lot of new clothes as her growth spur was probably to come soon. 

It was in those little details that Fen miss the presence of a mother. Her mother. 

''It is. Honestly, I still don't believe it even if I've seen it every day for a month now. '' She laughs, hoping it was not too pretentious to say.   
''Are the others nice to you? I mean you must be the only human there.''   
''Oh they like to remind me that. '' Fen groan. ''Apparently, the last human student was the Watcher Woman, so they keep asking me for time. ''  
''I am sorry to hear that.''  
''I grew up with two brothers, it is not a bit of teasing that will make me run away. ''

Winriel put the final pin on her skirt and beamed at Fen. 

''Emlyn says he can't tell me why you were sent there, but with that attitude, I am sure you will pass with flying colors.'' 

Fen tried not to laugh. She'd learn that technique from Jane not even three days ago; disguising a question into an off comment that seems not to affect you. Seeing your lack of prying into it, a person is much more likely to confide in you and let slip secrets and should-not-say. The best spies in the kingdom were those who could master this art of talking. 

''I have a lot to learn. '' Said Fen, slowly getting out of the skirt not to poke herself with a pin. ''But I work hard, going there is an honor that I want to embrace fully. '' 

Well rehearsed answered. Something passed into the older girl's eyes. Not disappointment, nor amusement. Something like a reckoning. Fen had the impression she just passed a test she wasn't aware to be into beginning with. 

That night, Fen went to the White Unicorn Inn as she'd promise Taxon. It had surprised most of her classmate but they made her feel welcome nonetheless. Most of them were talking about what they wanted to do after their time at school or how they wanted Fillory to be freed by Fillorians. Fen barely talked, but that was not what matters. What was important is that, for once, she was simply enjoying a few hours of her time surrounded by friends and comrade. 

This blade was less like the curse she thought it was. It was a blessing in disguise.


	17. Part III: FILLORIANS UNITED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude number 3; fillorian united

It is known that, since King Rupert died, Fillory had been governed by a Grand Council  
It is known that, despite running the kingdom, the council can't make new decisions or change laws  
It is known that, since then, five group of Children of Earth had come to Fillory to be our ruler.  
It is known that they died within days of their arrival, killed by The Beast or amongst themselves

Fillory is falling.  
Magic comes and goes, without living us anything to live on.  
Children are starving, farmer are fruitless, merchants are reduced to sell second-hand goods  
We are slowly, but surely, going to our end

We, The Fillorians United (FU) believe that it is time we stop waiting for a savior  
And we take this problem in our hands  
Let's bring back Fillory to Fillorians  
And make them true ruler of this land

No Child of Earth will ever know or love our kingdom like we do  
They will be eternal stranger imposing us their view and way of life  
Fillorians are powerful, wise and good  
And will always have the good of their land before any others

So find this warrior in you  
The one that says enough  
And join the FU fighter  
To make the promise of a better tomorrow  
Something of the present

For Fillory!

_Letter of recruitment of Fillorian United, seen everywhere around the kingdom_   
_Author Unknown_


	18. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Fen grow up, Fillory under The Beast dies even more.

Time is a humbling thing. Despite all the incredible circumstance in Fen's life, it continues to pass as it should. Reminding her that, despite all the events and stories, there is so much you can do. Well except if you are the watcher woman. But she's the other story. 

When old widow Brace died, Alistair's name showed in her will as promised. He was now the owner of the lot next to Fen's house and only came eating with them on Sundays. Emlyn and Winriel got married and were now a family. Little Elias just started to learn how to walk and a second baby was due to come before the end of the warm season. It was not easy going to see them, but Fen and her father had tried since a new Demici boy arrived in their clan. 

Fen's father was the one which time had worked at his own pace to let him heal. Depression was still looming around, there were harder days. But the chicken had to be fed and he offered to give hand to Alistair's farm. One night, Fen had come back from school seeing him he was cleaning his workshop. She'd found a letter from Emlyn asking him help for the blooming festivities command that was hard to manage on his own. So their father had taken back his tools and started back to do what he did best; being a blacksmith. Soon he was up early enough to send his daughter to school before going to his task. Both brothers were paying for his help -he refused but they ended up mailing the money to Fen – and soon, food became less rare on the table, he'd gain a few pounds and every time he was goning back from Emlyn's, he was surprising her with fresh brioches or other treats. 

It had taken him nearly fifteen years to recover from the time he lost his wife, but now Fen was sixteen years old and felt that she was having a real father presence living with her. 

She must admit, not having to be the only reason the household was staying together was lessening a heavy burden she was carrying around without knowing. She was still helping around the house, it had become second nature to do laundry or clean dishes by now. But having a meal ready when she came back from school or enough wood stocked for the cold season without her having to do it or worry about it was considerable. With time for herself, she was now able to fully get involved into her schoolwork and other activities she was doing out of class; sewing, baking pastry, and signing lesson were extracurricular but made her feel more prepared for anything that could happen if ever she was to go to Whitespire. Alright, the pastry was more for herself. She loved sweets but still couldn't do perfect brioche. 

But her favorite activity was on Sundays. She would go to Alistair's helping with feeding the animal and milking the cows and then, without their father knowing, her brother would show her the basic of sword fight until it was time to go to their father's house for a family dinner. 

Because even if her life became a bit lighter and better, Fillory was darkening and fading. Things were bad when Loria didn't seem interested in invading the land any more; it was dead and bleak. Many people had died if it was not from hunger, it was from violence poverty and what desperation can bring. Nations of elves and dryad had fled to unseen land and some creatures and groups of people had started to rally with The Beast in order to survive his terrible attack; which made him do more damage with minions to do his deeds. 

And Fen knew that her chance of seeing him again was higher than many people in Fillory. Not many people knew about the blade who was hidden in the trap door that once saved her life. But if words come to him that this existed, even with the best wards, there was a few chances they would survive his furry. So sword fighting might be a useless skill to have against him, but it made her feel safer to know that she'd prepared to the best of her ability in every scenario possible. 

They had to hid it from their dad because, since he started to get better, he started to be an authority figure she'd never had in her life. He had forbidden her to go out of the house at night unless she was accompanied and he felt sword fighting was not what a proper lady should do. This had caused them a huge fight, the biggest they ever had. He had been the one telling to live her life despite what could happen, but now he kept reminding her that her security and manner were to be perfect. She couldn't be the mud covered little girl she had been around her brother while growing up. Her father wanted her to become a sophisticated woman and, with all the sacrifice he'd have to do to put her into the Treeschool, it was hard to argue against that. And it took all her willpower not to remind him that he was not there for her before and starting pretending he was a father figure wouldn’t fix things. 

Today was the last day of class before the school will stop for harvest season. This was not affecting any of them but Fen, but it was a school tradition. During the three weeks where most of the fillorian farms have to harvest their crop, the school will close so their student could help their fellow countryman. Warm season harvest was usually the most plentiful since there was not as many fruits and vegetable that were able to grow during the cold season. Usually, it takes the farmers the whole three weeks of harvest and that is if they hire help. But for the past two years, crops had been dead before their due date, some refused to grow and as the hunger started to affect more and more people, there was a lot of thieves that were waiting for darkness to grab what was not theirs. So most likely, the student would not be hired and have three weeks of vacation. Even Fen might have a few days to herself. Despite the help of the natural magic of Taxon, Alistair's crop was not what they use to be. 

The land was dying, killing slowly anyone who lived on it. 

That morning, Fen had put one of her favorite blue and white dress that Winriel had given her for her birthday. Her sister-in-law fashion sense always amazed her and she might take her time off to go see her and learn a thing or two. Plus she might need help around the house with her pregnancy and all. 

'' I don't think Al' will need you this year love, there's not enough work for three. Plus you need a break'' Her father said as she was telling her plans for weeks to come.   
'' Are you saying that because you don't want my hand dirty or something. '' She asked, looking at him suspiciously  
'' We are not having this conversation again. At least not today. '' Sigh her father, putting her oatmeal in front of it. He'd taken the time to cut strawberries and put some in her bowl. Her heart sank at the idea that yet again, she was too defensive toward him.   
''Sorry papa'' She said, taking her spoon and lowering her eyes a bit ashamed. '' I just... I still want to help around if I can.''   
''I know my love. ' He said kissing her head and sitting next to her. '' But really, this year has been hard on everyone. Your friend Taxon might have helped salvage the squash but....''

He didn't finish his sentence. They both knew the ending. Eating oatmeal with sugar and fruits seemed frugal now. At least her father didn't tell her not to worry. White lies were not what she needed right now. 

''I have to go deliver Em' order today, I'll ask if he can host you for a while. ''

The only reason why Fen continued to eat was that she hated more wasting food that eating more than she should. Her appetite had faded as the stress of her daily life crept up in her happy morning. It was like she was not allowed to be happy. Not even for a few houses. She had to worry or be scared or sad. All the time. 

''Will you be home for dinner?'' She simply asked. 

''Probably not, I'll ride home with Parker and his cart, he told me he's going back to his father's house tonight and it is a few miles from here, it was on its way. Don't wait up for me. '' 

Maybe it was a good thing, she was rarely alone and a night for herself without any work to bring from school, she could let herself enjoy a night of reading or finishing to fix the dress she tore up by accident last week. Her father kissed her head, which made her snap out of her swirling thoughts 

''Stop frowning and go enjoy your last day. '' He said and she relaxed her face; she was indeed frowning.

Once she left the portal and took out her shoes, Fen enters the protected meadow that had become her second home for the past five years. She could find more peace and comfort in a way that she never had at home or her brothers. Part of her decided to let her worries at the edge of the magical barrier, not allowed to be here. She would pick them up tonight when she will get home. 

A few students were already there and she walked toward them, a smile creeping up her face. How could have ever been terrified of coming here? 

''Oy! Fen!'' Exclaim Taxon, beaming and waving at her when he saw her. She waved back and went to hug him.  
''Good morning!'' She said ''Happy to be here one last time?'' 

Taxon had been passing tests and had the official announcement that he would be a graduate of the school as of the end of the year; he wouldn't have to come back after the break. It was always a great news to learn that someone had graduated and not being kicked out. The odds were always on the latter. Navarre had almost got kicked out last season because he had failed his practical spell class. He had to redo the class and, if he would fail again, he wouldn't be allowed back. Kay had arrived the same day than Taxon and yet, she was still a student and asked to return to study. Things between her and her best friend had a bit fell out since then. 

''Will you judge me if I'm part sad about it? '' He asks in a fake concern which made her laugh.  
''Of course not '' She giggles. 

Since last year she had started a slight crush on her friend and she was trying to brush it off because he was eight years her elder and there's a little fact she promised to a stranger. It's not like she had any chance. But it was nice to let herself blush from time to time. Not having him around at school will leave a big hole in the place. Not only because of his charisma but because he was the first one who'd welcome her into her new life. It was saying goodbye to a symbol and a friend. 

‘’There there, let's cry over it later,'' said Kay waiving her hand in the air. ''We still have all day and I have to remind you there is language class today. '' 

The group of friend groan. It was a collective thing to hate language classes. Not only you had to learn one that was not Human, but if creatures had their own dialect, they couldn't study it. Navarre couldn't study elvish for example. But Fen was. And it was a pain. There is thirty-two way to talk about a tree depending on its wood, shape, damage and the position of the sun and the moon in the sky. And let's not talk about plants and animals...

As usual. Thy was the last one to arrive and he almost misses the growth of the school from its acorn. He said he was just well timed and knew when it would happen, Fen was sure he was mostly late and lucky.

This year, most of Fen class had been with her friends, while the other was a private tutoring. Jane could only come twice a week, and most of the learning material was in common with the others. When they asked why she was not in their practical class, the usual answer was that her magic belongs elsewhere. Which didn't help anyone to understand and now there was a rumor that she was this powerful sorceress. Denying everything had only made more people believe it. By the end, she understood that that gossip worked better in her favor then them learning the truth. Another lesson she could apply to Whitespire if it ever had to happen.

They all went into the first door of the hall; usually, an auditorium made for ten people and a teacher's desk and board if necessary. The manual they needed to translate or apply a conjugation were always waiting for them at their design place. That was a piece of magic Fen never understood. Was the teacher complying with what the school wanted them to learn or did the teacher enchanted the class for the curriculum? Either way, it was impressive. 

She sat next to Kay who opened her book of Elder-Dwarf language with a dramatic sigh that made Fen roll her eyes and smirk. The nymph was talking seven languages by now and she kept complaining about it. Meanwhile, Fen was still struggling with Human grammar and was not sure to differentiate some letter in the elvish alphabet. 

''Do you think you'll be able to go to Brighthaven? '' Kay asked, not glancing at her papers since the teacher was not there yet.   
''Probably. My brother said he didn't need me, so I might go see my nephew and cuddle him forever. '' 

She tried to downplay how bad was the fact that her brother didn't need an extra help during harvest season because it was the polite thing to do. Especially when she knew the food shortage was starting to affect the lake and rivers and now water dryad and nymph alike were struggling to eat. It was not a problem of the surface only. 

''It means you can't say no anymore!'' She said, her blue eyes sparkling while her grin spread from ear to ear.   
''I am not having a makeover. ''   
'' You need one. ''   
''Wow, thanks. '' Fen said, scuffing but not taking it personally at all. One thing she liked about Kay was how blunt she was with things.  
'' I mean... you look like that since I met you. And you were what, eight?''   
''Eleven''  
''Same thing. Now you are woman Fen. You need to show up a bit of what you are made of. '' 

The idea of showing her curves with clothes that let too little for imagination made her wonder how much of a heart attack she would give Jane when she would come to her etiquette lesson after the break. 

'' Alright alright. What about we go see, let me doll you up and you don't have to buy anything. Just try and see how good you look with something else. ''   
''I like that dress''  
''Not what I mean honey. '' Kay laugh knowing Fen understood well enough her compromise. 

Both girl giggles had to stop when the teacher entered and ask them to start their work while he was walking around and answering questions. Apparently, he was able to speak fifty-seven languages.


	19. Chapter sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone at night, Fen is sure that The Beast is near her house

When Fen came home that night, the sky was already shining with stars and the air smelled wet. A storm was probably about to start. She decided to go feed the chicken now, not wanting to do it in the pouring rain, then went inside to start doing her dinner for the night. As she was rummaging in the pantry to find something inspiring, a loud bang surprised her and made her scream. She looked at the window where the sound came from and suddenly, all the blood in her body felt cold.

What if it was The Beast?

She knew the house had ward but he was powerful and might have got over them. Her heart was pounding and she stayed frozen in place, The memory of her mother's blood falling on her brother and smelling like iron, it overtook her and she felt nauseous. It was so sudden of an olfactory memory that she stop her breath for a few seconds, in order to forbid any more rancid air to come into her lung. It half worked. When she took a deep breath after, it was not smelling like iron, but she still felt sick.

She took the cutting knife she'd got out to prepare her food and tried to work with her reason; it had been a sound at the window. The Beast was not the kind of creature that would make noise. Jane was powerful and her ward had protected her for five years now. Her dad was not to come soon and Alistair was probably at his house. It was most likely nothing. She'd never been alone in the house before her dad took back the taste of working and still when he left he was mostly back by the time she was home. She was simply not used to be alone in here and her imagination was playing tricks on her. There was nothing outside.

Yet there had been a sound.

She took another deep breath, pushed down her desire to throw up and went to the window to see outside; there was nothing. Nothing doesn't make a noise that you can hear halfway through your kitchen. She decided to unlock her door and went to see outside.

Shaking from head to toe, holding her knife so tight her nails dug into her palm, she looked around. She knew if she didn't look she would worry about the rest of the night until her dad comes home. The young girl hesitated a moment before turning the corner of her house, where the window was, trying to gather courage.

''Oh!'' she exclaimed, her heartbreaking in half.

On the ground, right where the window was, a red bird was lying unconscious, one of his wings folded at a weird angle. The poor thing must have hit it and now he was hurt! And to think she thought it was The Beast!

Loosening the grip of her knife, her heart beating rapidly, she went to the bird and bend over it. When she realized he was not only dazed but unconscious, she cupped it in her hand and tried not to bend further the wing. The bird didn't move a feather. She ran inside, locked the door -we are never too prudent – and put the injured animal on her table where there were candles properly lightening the place.

Its small chest was still going up and down, clearly meaning he was breathing. Which was good. Fen knew how to kill a chicken, not how to reanimate one! The wing was nothing she hasn't seen with her new rooster that had the tendency to throw himself from the roof. He'd broken his wing for the second time last month and was still wearing the splint she made with her dad. But this bird was not a chicken. It was as big as her hand. She would need much more precision and smaller equipment to help him. The young girl bit her lip, trying to think of a solution, having forgotten her dinner by now.

She ended up wrapping it in a small towel so it'd be comfortable. She put a small glass of water next to it in case it woke up while she ran into her father's shop to gather what she needed. Now having a purpose and not being so much in her head, she was not even afraid when she walked outside of the house. She only realized it when she came back in and laughed at herself. Definitely, she did not use to be alone.

The rain had started by now and Fen wondered if her dad would sleep at Emlyn's. It would be better for him; the last thing he needed was to catch a cold. But he also knew that he was offered a cart ride home that decrease the time to forty-five minutes instead of two hours. Anyway, she would have needed he advise now. She couldn't wait for him in either situation.

She took the wood and fabric she'd gather and started to recreated the splint her rooster had. But quickly, she realizes that it would be too big for the small bird. Her dad tools were good but big. It didn't have the precision required for such a small patient. It took her a few attempts to give up on the idea and decided to calm her grumbling stomach before continuing.

She dug an apple, bit in it and look at the rain falling, her head swirling with questions on how to fix her problem. It was midway to her snack that she had the idea to take her sewing kit Winriel had given her for her birthday. With a smaller but much precise needle, she manages to downsize the splint her dad had made to the proper size. It took her over an hour and she'd poke her finger more than once, but in the end, the sleeping bird wing was in a better shape than before.

As she was placing the towel back on him, she notices a note wrapped around its leg. It surprised her since usually, people use crows or doves or if they had enough money, bunnies. The latter charged for every messaged they carried and refused to work on certain days of the week. But they were more reliable and able to get a reply way faster. But a signing bird like this, Fen never saw anyone use it.

She undid the letter from its leg, telling herself it was to make the creature more comfortable and better at its recovery. But she knew she was lying to herself and was just too curious to know what was written and to whom. To her great surprise, the letter wasn't addressed to anyone and was totally anonymous. She felt her heart beating like she'd stumble in something she was not supposed to. She re-read the notice much time before tucking in into her pocket to hide it away from her father.

And as she was preparing a better place for the bird to rest and got her dinner ready, she couldn't stop thinking of the words neatly written on a paper;

_In three days, at The Sailors. We got upstairs for a few hours. Be there by noon. It's your only chance._


	20. Chapter seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small Joys, Fen reminded herself

Fen didn't talk to her father about her finding the morning after. She did show him the bird and he went into his workshop do dig an old cage they could put him in until he felt better. But the note. It was tucked away between two pages of her nightly reading book. She'd barely slept that night, unable to unsee what was written on that scratch of paper.

Who wrote this and to whom it belongs? Two question she'd never had the answer and was making her starve from curiosity. She wanted to go to that place and see, just to know. But it might be the most stupid thing she'd do and she would face bandits and mercenaries. Or she will find an epic quest and end up finding a way out of her marriage and save Fillory. Ah! Yeah right. Most likely it was a spy thing. Lorians might not be interested in their dying land, but it doesn't mean their spies were not at work. Or it might be another realm that was making sure the way was clear before invading. Or something direr her brain couldn't think yet in the early morning.

In order to stop herself to think more about it, she'd told her father she wouldn't go to town and used the bird as an excuse. But he'd brushed her worries away by saying that he could take care of it and that her brother and his wife were delighted with her visit. Plus he wanted her to bring some things he'd forgotten to bring there yesterday. She resigned to finish her meal and go put some clothes in a bag for the days to come. Her sewing kit, book, and elvish homework as well. Since they waited for her for dinner time, the young girl decided to go make a quick visit to her other brother in order to make sure he was not in need of extra help before she goes to town. Her plan of the day made, she put a simple gown and decided to make a simple braid for her walk; she'd look like a lady when the time was needed in town. Comfort over beauty for this time. And it is not like Jane will see her anyway.

She went to see her father, busying himself in his workshop and took a moment to look at him. She couldn't help but smile when she heard him humming a song while working on a fine piece. Seeing him that way was a victory every day.

''I'm going to see Al' before going to Brighthaven. Do you need something before I go?'' She decided to ask after a moment, feeling it was becoming a bit weird to stare at her father like that.

''Can you grab the bag there and give it to Em' ? '' he asked pointing distractedly toward the table near her.

On it a few hooks and rods aligned in a bag she could put on her shoulder easily. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too heavy for her to carry for a two-hour walk.

''Come here love, '' he said waving at her and finally looking up as she shoulder the surprisingly light bag.

She walks to him and he showed him an intricate piece of metal that he'd bend in order to make a silver leaf, a small pin going through. From the sight, the material he'd use seemed light and yet sturdy. At Emlyn's request, he had started to make a lot of hairpins for his shop to sell. Apparently, they were starting to be a trend for those who still could afford other things than food. But still, she'd never seen something so intricate and detail as this. This was a masterpiece. Fen realizes that, for the first time, she was seeing why people were coming from everywhere in the Kingdom to buy his piece before.

''This is amazing papa! '' She exclaimed, bending to see the pin closer.  
''You like it? '' He chuckled, visibly proud of her reaction  
''Oh yes! That's the finest you've done for months now!''  
''Em' wanted something more organic for the blooming festivities in a few months. I was thinking...''  
''Those will sell without a doubt. Make as many as you can!'' She said with certainty. Who knew her father could be someone that influence fashion trend. She still had to tell him to keep his beard shaven properly from time to time.

To her great surprise, her father delicately lifted part of her hair and put the pin so they would not touch her face. She'd use that technique for years now, with simpler pins he'd made or gift from her brothers. But this felt like more like wearing jewelry than an accessory.

''Can you be my model and wear it then? '' He asks sweetly.  
'' Papa! '' She said, visibly surprised and humbled.  
''Go make all the rich lady in Brighthaven jealous. '' He laughs, kissing her cheek. '' And consider this an early birthday gift.''

Every time he gave her something, he said that. Because they both knew it was the only way she would accept something and not feel some part of guilt in return. Even if the celebration of her birth had passed weeks ago and had spoiled her more than they could probably afford. She didn't want to argue with him and, seeing the love and pride on his face, she couldn't help but feel her heart explode with love. _Small_ _joy_. She reminded herself as she hugged a thank you and kissed his head over and over.

He finally let her go see Alistair, promising to eat every day and to take care of the bird. She made a mental note to ask her brother to look after him just in case. Promises are easy to break. Especially his. Gods, she was an awful child to think that way. But actions had proven her statement true more than once in the past.

Alistair had shown her the witted crops for her to believe him he wouldn't need help that year. When he saw her worry, he tried to brush it away and saying he was not worried since she had dryads and nature spirit as classmate that was ready to look into the problem. Yet she doubted that was the kind of thing Taxon or Kay could ever fix completely.

They decided to postpone her sword lesson until the harvest was over. He would probably be tired and had a lot to do to prepare the animal for winter. Plus she would be in town and both of them found the idea of a two-hour walk for a few lessons was a bit useless. Gods how she wishes she could teleport like some of her friends.

''If you want, when you come back, I'll show you more knife work,'' he said, leaning on the door as she was readying to leave. ''You can't be as terrible than with a long sword.''  
''Oy' ! '' She hit his arm and he laughs, not even budging from the blow. ''Blame the trainer, not the squire.''  
''I still think giving you a sharp blade is a danger for Fillory. Chances you'll stumble with it and cause a major incident.''

She rolls her eyes, laughing with him. She was not the best at sword fighting and both of them knew it. But the slow movement and the constant posture to keep did help her balance with time. She was barely falling now.

''Since when do you enjoy knife playing?'' She asks trying not to get baited in his mockery. After all, she was the one most interested in their father’s art than her brothers.  
''Oh I always have'' He said waving his hand in the air.

Fen frown. It was not like Alistair to lie to her or be vague and not answer a question. Either he'd learn it in an illegal way, either it was related to his ex-fiancé, Dejan, who had left him to go pursue his father's Lorian heritage and enroll in the Lorian army. It had broken her brother's heart and for week she had taken care of him and his house until he got back on his feet. And despite her worst fear, it didn't take him years like their father. Proving once more that their father not only had been grief-stricken, he had been, and was still, sick. A sickness that ate joy and spat hate and doubt. But despite not having fallen into a depression, Dejan's subject was still a sensitive subject that they both try to avoid talking.

''Do you want me to bring you anything from town? '' she asks not-so-subtly to change the subject.

Alistair shook his head. Fen bit her lips. His glossy eyes meant he went back to his lost love. She needed to pull him back to the present and make him stop thing sad things. She took his hand and squeezed it gently, his gaze snapping back to her. A mask of sadness lifted from her face and she wonders if she'd succeed or he was just really good at hiding his feeling from her. It saddens her that it most likely was the latter.

''Hug the baby for me, would you. '' He said hugging her a bit too tight.  
'' Will do! '' She said hugging him back, hoping she could give him all the love she could without saying anything.

Then she started her walk toward Brighthaven. The way was rather easy since a road had been built decades before she was even born. There were shortcuts in the wood apparently, but even if she trusted Taxon's intel, she felt safer on a known path. It was not her first time walking alone back there, but it was the only time it felt like a vacation. Once again, she was amazed at the kind of luxury the Treeschool was giving her; having vacation was not something you can hope when you are in the middle tier of social class. Nor poor, nor rich, just working until your old days come to delivers you from your eternal labor.

She passed a few farms on her way and it broke her heart to see so few harvests being done. All the prayers to Ember and Umber would not suffice for anyone to survive the cold season with so few provision. Sometimes, the young girl felt that the gods had abandoned them as The Beast took over Fillory.

Her walk was steady and yet felt eternal. Not even an hour had passed and Fen felt her feet hurting and boredom take over. She tried to practice the song she had to learn for her singing lesson, but her heart was not into it. Despite the lovely gift her father had given her earlier, worry for her brother took over her mood and signing about past heroes or praise to the Gods felt useless and a bit stupid. How could a song ever help hunger and terror?

'' Well I knew I've seen ya from afar!'' A voice boomed behind her and made her jump away from her gloomy thoughts. Fen turned to see Hans, the baker, with his wife and five years old daughter. She was bouncing on the bench of the cart near her mom.  
'' Fen! Hi!'' She said always the bright sunshine in the family. The little girl had adopted Fen when she had been three years old and, as a thanks for the many good he had given her, she'd took care of her for a night as Hans and her wife celebrated their anniversary.

The family was riding a cart full of wheat and other grain they'd probably bought from the nearby farm. From what she knew, Hans wife, Ewya, use to live not far from here before. They must have done a family trip. Having their best clothes tipped her off.

''Hi Lily! '' She said waving at her and laughing as the cart stopped next to her.  
''Are you going to town?'' Ewya asked, eyeing her bags.  
''Yes, I am going to see my brother for a week. ''  
''Oh! Can you come play with me this week then? Say yes please'' Said the girl jumping out of the cart despite her parent's protest and grabbing Fen's arm.

There was something amazing in the truth and pure innocence of a child that made her heart warm every time. Liliana's only worry was to play and to be love. Not about hunger or loss or darkness overpowering the land. How Fen wished this were her only worries too.

''Will do if I can. '' Fen laugh looking at her parents who nodded their welcome to their home. Fen would have to remember to bring them something.  
''Do you want a ride, we can put Lily in with the grains and give you a seat. '' Offered Hans.

Etiquette said she had to politely refuse. Her feet were yelling to say yes. Torn between the two, Liliana decided for her when, without hesitation, she ran on the back of the cart and climb among the bags and crops. Fen couldn't help but laugh.

'' I don't think Lily will be happy if I say no.'' She said, accepting and yet not breaking etiquette.

Just like Jane showed her. She would be proud. The student thought.

She climbed aboard the cart, next to a very pregnant Ewya and Hans prompted the horses to start back their chores. The young girl answered every question the parent had about her time at the famous school and how things were with her father back into working. Lily fell asleep within five minutes, using a sack of grain as a pillow. Fen managed to divert the conversation towards the couple; their expectation for the new babies and how things were going at the bakery. Polite conversation yet never brushing the hardship they were all living. Denial at it's best.

What was suppose to be another long and silent hour of walk became a thirty minute of catching up with Brighthaven and its citizen. And when Hans left her in front of her brother's house, she forced him to accept a bit of money as a thank you. As always he refused but she ended up putting it on the bench and leaving, giving him no choice. _Accepting gifts gracefully is also giving something back in return,_ had Jane taught her, never undervalue the act of giving back.

At her brother's house, she was welcomed by Winriel, her face visibly tired but still glowing as always, The stiffness in her clothes were the sign of her second pregnancy and yet, they'd just announced it last month. They must have waited for a moment in case she would lose it. It was the case of too many people that didn't have the money to have a healer with them from day one. Though the family was not starving, many other women had lost their child due to hunger or lack of strength. Fen praised Ember and Umber that her brother's family were not touched by such sorrow.

Elias was fast asleep in his bed and her sister-in-law was clearly busying herself while not having a toddler around her; between the pots boiling on the stove and the wet clothes to hang in a basket, clearly, there were things to do. It only took Fen a few minutes to place her bags in the guest room before going to help Winriel into her task. This was something she knew how to do and was good at.

When the toddler woke up, she let the mother picked him up as she finishes to wash a greasy shirt. By the stains and the marks on it, it was clearly her brother's. Her father had the same kind of clothes after his day in the shop. Apparently, a good blacksmith can't leave his work without staining themselves. The babbles of her nephew made Fen stop her scrubbing to see the little boy in his mother's arm, pointing at her and saying nonsense. His obvious joy made her heart explode and as every time she saw him, she fell in love a bit more.

''Yeah, Tatie Fen. '' Cooed Winriel as she approached, laughing slightly. ''She will be with us for a bit, are you okay with that? ''

As an answer, the toddler tried to squirm away from his mother, his hand extending toward his aunt. Fen laughed as well, wiped her wet hands and took Elias in her arm. Visibly happy, he put his head on her chest as he grips her hair and continues to babble over and over.

''I think this is a yes.'' She said, trying to undo the grip on her hair as he was starting to pull them.  
''I think so too. '' Said the mother who took the shirt Fen just had cleaned and put it in a basket. ''Let's go outside, shall we? ''

When Emlyn arrived, half an hour later, Winriel was hanging the clothes outside while Elias was showing his new found love of running to his aunt. Fen ended up being chased around the small yard they had, the laughter of the young boy echoing to the sky. And seeing Emlyn greet his wife and hug his son after a hard day at work left the young girl a bit bittersweet. Can you mourn the kind of love you'll never know? How can you grieve something if it was never yours, to begin with?

What if her promised king never shows up....


	21. Chapter eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its time for Fen to decide if she should act on the mysterious note she got.

Apparently, the hairpiece her father had given Fen was now a piece of gossip amongst Brighthaven fashionista. Not even a day after doing errands for Winriel and going into some shops, that her brother got orders for the same attire. Surprisingly enough, she only told Mamy Ray -as everyone called her – from the fabric store. 

''People are starving and they want a silver piece for their hair! '' exclaimed the young girl when Emlyn told her about the order she will have to give their father's.   
''People in the country starve. '' Amended her brother. ''Here food might not be the best, but most people have enough for two or three meals a day. We know things are dire, but we don't feel the impact as much as you back there. ''  
''I am not a day of a walk from here!''  
''But you are not in a city.'' Said patiently, Emlyn. ''Plus, many here left the High Town since the magic started to come and go. The city there relied on too much of it and many noble didn't like not knowing if they would have what they need. Healers, sorceresses, and druids are powerful only when magic comes to them. So they came here since most of us use our head and hand to work, not magic. ''  
''Families that help Whitespire are now in Brighthaven? '' 

This was a piece of news that had eclipsed her during her study of the politics happening now in Fillory. From what she learned, most of the people with power were living in High Town and were trying to keep the kingdom afloat while it was without the monarchy. The fact that they were moving into a merchant town like Brighthaven was as much of a good news for the economy of the town as it was worrisome for the state of magic in Fillory. 

''Some are. '' Confirmed her brother, frowning at her visible surprise.

Of course, for him, it meant more rich people that had enough to worry about their outfits instead of the people dying in their farms. It was not Emlyn's fault if they were blind. He was just a collateral of the real problem. 

''They should be in the castle, in a council, trying to find a solution.'' She said, visibly offended. She knew she shouldn't get upset over it, but she couldn't help it '' Not flee when things don't go their way! Even the sea creatures are starting to be hungry, and none of the harvest this year will be enough for the cold season. They should.... ''

She stopped when she saw her brother amused face lit by the fireplace. They were both enjoying a cup of tea while Winriel was putting Elias to bed for the night. 

'' what?'' She said, a bit irritated.   
'' I never thought I'd see the day when little Fen would get all riled up because of politics'' he laughed, drinking his own beverage.   
'' I am not all riled up!'' She nearly streak, proving exactly her brother's point which made him laugh even more  
''Hey don't be upset! It is great to see you so invested in this stuff. Proves that your education does really help you. '' 

Fen frowned and drank, trying to find how she felt about that. She never taught that her thinking about Fillory's problems were politics and mostly because of the Treeschool. Sure, it made her understand more of the shadow play that was happening, but would she still care that deeply if she'd stayed on the farm with their dad? Probably not. She would worry about Alistair's crops, not the whole kingdom. She'd probably wouldn't care about the moving of nobles from town to town. 

''Even if I am not getting married, I want to make Filloy better. '' She quietly said, looking down her warm mug. Her finger felt numb and cold. 

King or not, Fen couldn't have all this knowledge and do nothing about the wrongdoing in this world. Maybe she would never have the kind of power Whitespire would grant, but if she could do some good around her, it would be a wonderful way to spend her life. She didn't want to wait for a savior, she wanted to be part of the solution. 

''Hey, don't make that sad face. '' Emlyn said, putting an arm on her knee and squeezing it lightly. ''I meant it is great to see you worry about something that big. I was scared that you'd be stuck taking care of dad your whole life. ''  
''Is that why you asked for his help? '' She asked, knowing her brother shop was busy but not bust enough to need a second hand every week. ''So he get busy and I can do my own things? ''   
''Part of', yes. '' He admitted with a sheepish grin. '' Also, it is great to see him go back to his work. Your hairpin is quite beautiful, I'd forgotten how good he was with these design. Mom uses to wear a lot of them. ''

Fen should feel sad and miss her mother. But she had no memory of her but a family portrait done a few months before her murder. Instead of melancholy, the young girl felt something warm spreading in her chest. Something like love and relief. 

''Thank you. '' She simply said, knowing she wanted to say more but was unable. There was an emotion of gratitude and guilt stuck in her throat that would make her cry if she talked more. She tried to swallow it down with the rest of her tea.   
''It's nothing. I am more than proud to see the woman you are becoming.'' He said, his eyes moist as well. ''Whatever will happen in your future, keep your capacity to love and care. They are you're greatest attributes. '' 

Fen took her brother's hand, promising herself to write those words in her personal journal. She always felt it was more of a burden, but seeing is at as strength was an interesting way to see it. Strenght of character doesn't mean doing wars and violence. It means believing and caring deeply about something and not budging for its well being. 

''Though you are terrible with a sword it appears and you are as stubborn as a mule. '' 

Her brother's jab made her laugh and broke the tension and unsaid in the air. She punched him on the arm and ask his wife to protect him from getting beaten as she arrived in the room. 

That night, after writing in her journal, Fen had open her book and found the note she'd tucked away earlier. It had slipped out of her mind and give her an enormous chill down her spine. If her count of the days were good, the meeting would be tomorrow afternoon. She felt her heart racing as she realized that she could still go and discover who wrote that and why. The Sailor was a busy inn near the Twins harbors. Many cargo boats and merchant were coming and going. It would be easy to be forgotten in the crowd. An empty place is harder to hide in than a busy one. 

She shook her head, trying to get rid of that more than dangerous idea. There was a high chance she would end up right into bandits or -worse- followers of The Beast. Plan to get killed without living any trace. This was a bad, bad idea. And yet... 

''Ember's balls'' she swore, putting back the note into her book and closing it loudly, as to make a statement to the paper itself. 

She tried to sleep that night, but the idea that she didn't get this note by mistake couldn't stop rolling into her mind. After, she literally fell into her destiny when she found back the blade. What if the Gods had sent her this bird so she could see by herself who send it and why.

When she woke up the morning after, way later than she usually allowed herself, and saw a note from Winriel saying she was gone to her mother's with Elias and she wouldn't be back until the end of the day, the young girl saw this as a clear sign; she had to go.

After looking at the time, she hurried, put her hair into a less than elaborate low bun, put clothes she used for home and not for an outing and a summer cloak; like this, she looked like any trader or customer on the dock. She wrote a note in case she didn't come back before Winriel -not because she was scared to be murder and never found nope- and left the house in order to walk over the harbor. 

It was unusually warm outside for this time of the year. More than one person had their warm season attire and it was not to be blamed; the young girl felt that if she'd stay in the sunlight too much, she would get sunburned. She used the hood of her cloak as an excuse to get some shadow on her face and hiding who she was at the same time. Not that it really matters now, but if she ended up knowing something she shouldn't, better not be recognized. 

Due to the nice weather, there was a lot of people outside and, as she walked toward a part of the town she rarely went, the young girl started to notice the richer people Emlyn was talking about. They were not dressed properly enough to say they were in the noble families, but the fabric they wore and their posture clearly showed they knew the court manners. Most likely someone in their house was a council member or something alike. Just as her being a student at the Treeschool, being employed by Whitespire had its advantages. At least, it uses to be when the Chatwin were on the thrones. Now the nobles looked more power hungry than anything else...

The good thing with them, though, is that they were drawing attention, making her blend attire more invisible than ever. 

When she arrived at the harbor, she stopped a moment to watch the ships anchoring into the decks, people shoving goods in and out of the boat and other going away until the horizon swallowed them. She wondered what was the feeling of being on the water, traveling around Fillory and getting your work done. It must be so freeing. 

Sighing lightly knowing this was yet another thing she will never experience, she looked at the clock that was hanging near the lighthouse and saw it was about to be noon. She needed to take her own courage and walk at the Sailors and get done with it already. She was so nervous she felt her heart was about to stop from beating too loud. It was time to stop procrastinating and finding a distraction. So after a small prayer to Ember and Umber, she fixed her cloak and walk toward the white and blue inn.


	22. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen discover who want what hide behind the note she got days ago

''By the grave un Umber! Fen?!'' A voice boomed as she was entering the crowded inn.

There was not an empty place, patrons of all gender and species were talking, drinking, laughing or signing with the musicians circulating around the tables. There was a strong nautical theme to the place and everywhere she could see, hooks, nets, and ropes were decorating floor to ceiling the inn. The employees were clearly marked by their pirate-style look with bandanas, eyepatches, and shirts. It was no surprise, Fen taught, that this place was so popular around. She could bet anything she owned that most of the customers were not even from Fillory but far away lands. Trading stories and goods before going back to the big sea. How amazing their adventure far from the land must be...

But of all the things and people she taught she would see today, never she would have expected Taxon to dash form the end of the room to come and hug her warmly. This was a genuine happiness hug, not the polite welcoming one he gave her when they were at school. It was like he hasn't seen her in years while he finished his time at the Tree School not even half a week ago.

''Hey!'' She said, hugging him back after a moment of surprise ''I taught you were back to the Silver Forest! ''  
''Yeah, and my parent were driving me mad already.'' He said, waving his hand around '' So I came to town. Are you here for the same thing than your brother? ''

His eyes were sparkling with life and excitement and there was something unsettling about it. Almost as unsettling as the idea that Alistair was here and spent time with Taxon. He was supposed to be at his farm, harvesting his crop with their dad. Not in a sailor theme inn with her friend.

''Yes. '' She bluffed, wondering if the reason she came and this was linked or pure coincidence. She hopes the warmth she felt in her cheek didn't betray her incapacity at fooling anyone with a lie. She was good at many things, but lying was not one of them. ''Am I late? ''  
''Well... Nah. Not really. We were about to start and I was going to grab the meads, can you help? ''

She followed him to the bar where he ordered the usual and looked at her once before adding a pint of cider. She had to laugh at this because Gods know, she only drank that during lunch at school. Even when she got old enough to drink wine or beer, she always stayed with her first drink. Their hand full with plates of alcohol, they walked toward the back of the place where a small staircase was leading them to a second floor. Fen heart was racing and she had to concentrate on her hand not to shake; the last thing she wanted was to spill everything as a first impression.

_We got the upstairs for a few hours_ the note had said. And upstairs they were going.

''Oy Al! Look who came by. '' Said Taxon as they arrived in a small room with a large table and a dozen of people around it, talking and looking at scrolls and books. ''Told you she'd come.''

Her brother sharp eyes found hers and widen with fear and surprise. He got up slowly and roll the scroll he was holding, visibly torn between emotions she was not able to read. There was anger. But also...fear?

''Fendria, what are you doing here? '' He said in a low tone that made some of the other people around here stop talking and look between both of them.

Fen felt her blush deepened and her heart skipped a beat. She put her wet palm on the side of her body not to show any sign of aggression or fear, but she was paralyzed right not. She only blinked when her eyes were starting to dry and hurt.

''Wait your name is Fendria? '' Asked Taxon, taking the plate in her hand and going to the table.

Either he was blind to the silent confrontation the sibling had, either he was doing his best to make things less tense. Fen looked away from her brother stare, licked her lips and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

''Officially yes. But I rarely use it.'' She answered to her friend. She had a little step backward when she saw her brother storming toward her.  
''Al relax it's.... '' Said an elf that was sitting next to him  
''You can start the meeting, just give us a minute alright?''

On that, he grabbed his sister arm with a force he never used on her and shoved her out of the room, banging the door behind him. Great. Now he will make a scene. She got dragged out of the inn, trying not to see the customer giving them a weird glance as they pass between them. The moment they were out, she tried to wriggle her way out of his grip but he held her harder. She will have bruises from that she was sure.

''Al' you are hurting me. '' She said, trying to shove him away.

He only let her go when they were in the alley between the inn and a boat supply shop. The sun was casting a shadow over them, making them less visible than if he would have stayed anywhere around the place.

''Alistair let me go!'' She nearly screamed. She didn't know if it was her tone, the fact that she used his name or that they were finally out of sight, but he let her go and started to pace in front of her. She rubbed slowly the place where he was holding her, her skin still throbbing by the pressure.

''By Ember's droppings, what are you doing here? '' He whispered harshly. Was there a thing as yelling while whispering. If so, that was exactly what her brother was doing.  
''What are you doing here?'' she answered back in the same hush tone, not really knowing why. ''Aren't you supposed to be at the farm with dad? ''  
''I gave him the day off, we are almost done with the harvest. ''

Three days and he was nearly over? By the Gods, this was worse than she'd taught. The worry must have shown on her face because suddenly he stops pacing and his face softens a bit, anger disappearing for comfort. He was still agitated, but at least he seemed back with her and not overcome by his emotions.

''Don't worry okay? We worked from sunrise to sunset, it is not as dire as it looks like.''  
''Oh now you are lying to me? '' She scoffed, folding her arm. '' I'm not ten anymore Al' and we've been starving before, don't try to cuddle me. ''  
'' I'm not.... look it's not important. Not now anyway. '' He amended seeing the anger in her eyes. ''I just want to know what seven hells why did you come?

Fen pursed her lips, unsure what to do or say.

'' Not what am I doing here'' She noted. ''Why did I came. You knew I could come. ''

This visibly took her brother aback and he put a hand in his hair, sighing deeply. He took a deep breath closing his eyes then look at her. He was visibly controlling his emotions and she was not sure why. Of all the things, that is what worried her the most. Yes, they had moments where they yelled at each other or butted head. But never he'd lie to her or hand to control his temper in front of her.

''When I saw the bird, I knew you got the message '' He simply said.  
''The bird? '' She said, surprised by this answer.  
''The one you took care of. Dad told me about it when we ate together. I went and see. There was no note, which told me you had read it. '' He put his hand in his pocket, leaning on the brick wall next to him. '' I really hoped you would do the wise thing and stay out of it. But you are a Demici, it's like the Gods want out family involved in everything Fillory. ''  
''What do you mean? ''

Alistair took a moment to look at the sky, clearly in his thought. Fen gave him all the time he needed. She needed a moment to digest the fact that the bird she saved was most likely aimed at her brother.

''The moment dad told Em' and me about the blade and what it meant to you, we both made a pact that we will do everything to help you. '' Alistair said, still not looking at her. '' Of course sending you to school was obvious, just in case you do have to get married, but honestly Fen... it's not fair. You should have a say in who you will pledge to live with forever. I want... I just... When Em' got married, it hit us that you won't have this. The joy of finding someone and choosing him forever you know? Even if the Child of Earth does not show up in our lifetime, dad will never let you marry. Just in case. It got me angry. Like really angry. And I decided that it was not normal that we were waiting for someone from another world to save us from The Beast and all the chaos he's bringing here. So I started to look for solution. ''

He looked at his sister, his eyes moist with tears as hers were running freely on her cheek. Her heart was shattered by all the truth and the hurt she was feeling and had to push aside every time she was thinking about it. And there was her brother, saying it all in front of her.

''And I found them. It's a group. They're called the Fillorian United, the FU fighter if you want. They are battling for a Fillorian to be on the throne and to fix our problem ourselves. They... we are all about giving back Fillory to its habitat. If... If we don't need the Child of Earth, then I would free you from this cursed blade and you could be happy and be free you know? Plus, it would be really great to stop fearing for our life and our next source of income. So... '' Alistair sight, his shoulder dropping like he just lifted a weight off his shoulder. '' I joined them a few months after Em's wedding. They don't know about you and the blade, but they know I want to fight for my family. Some of your classmates were in it before I even joined. I guess Tax know you better than I do because he told me you couldn't get away from a good mystery. That's why we didn't change the place of the meeting, they wanted to know if you would come. ''

Fen was sobbing by now, her heart shattered by the sacrifice of her brother and yet, full of love for him and his deep sense of loyalty. She felt his arm around her and hid her face in his chest while letting free all the emotions she never allowed herself to live; the fear of getting married to a stranger, the idea that she might never know love, the loneliness she felt having that fate put upon her. Meanwhile, her brothers were trying to make her happy and make sure she would still have a life. It should have been their father's job, yet once again, they showed up where he didn't. Ember and Umber did bless her giving her Alistair and Emlyn as brothers.

''Sorry. '' She said, trying to gain back a bit of herself. She wiped her eyes, not listening to her brother saying it was no big deal. Both of them rarely cried in front of another. And yet there they were him silently crying holding her as she was weeping. What a great pair they must look like. ''Sorry it's just... It's so good to hear out loud things I felt for years. It's just... you don't have to do that Al'. I chose to accept my destiny years ago, I am ready to live with the consequences if ever they arrive. ''  
''But what if they don't''  
''Then I am not married, but still have two amazing brothers, a sister-in-law and a nephew I can spoil. Getting married or not doesn't define who I am. ''

She was quoting Jane on that. For the first time, she understood what her mentor had been hammering to her head for years.

''But I love the idea of not needing them. The Childs of Earth. '' She admitted, wiping her eyes and giving him a small sad smile. ''I want Fillory to be better too. You are right we should stop waiting and do something. ''

Alistair tucked a lock of her hair that had fallen from the low bun she'd made earlier. He had stopped crying too. It felt like both of them were seeing each other for the first time.

''Let's go upstairs.'' He finally said. '' I don't want you to be part of something that can hurt you. But I know you enough that whatever I say, you'll go anyway. ''

Fen laughs slightly. He was not wrong.

''Just promise me one thing. '' He added.  
''Anything. ''  
''If ever you want to get out of this or it is too much for you, listen to yourself. Instinct is better than your head in that kind of place. Bayler is good with playing with your emotion to make you do the impossible. ''  
''Bayler?''  
''One of the leader. ''  
''Then promise me one thing in return'' She said, taking her brother's hand.  
''Alright? ''  
''Don't give your life for the cause. As much as I love Fillory, I'd rather get married to a stranger to save it than having to bury you. ''

The surprised and touched smile he gave her made her believe that he had been ready to die for her to be free. Her heart clench and she hugged him. Needing to hear his beating heart and feeling his warm body.

'' I promise. '' He said, hugging her back, kissing her head softly.


	23. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen's diary

 

_8th day of Autumn –_ Royalless _Year 34_

_I believed destiny was inevitable. Something you have to accept, whether you like it or not. You work hard to find a way to enjoy it and walk the path the Gods have traced for you way before you were born. But what if we are alone? The Beast is now the master of Fillory and we are without Gods to guide us. Is destiny still a thing when even the higher power has given up on your kind?_

_Dare I say that my biggest fear is to be married? Moreover, to someone twice my age that only sees me as a nuisance and would lock me in a cell the moment my father look the other way. I might be the price for a powerful blade, but what happens when it is claimed? Will I ever be considered like a human being and not like a pawn in a game I am already tired to play. Even in my family, I feel my destiny is overshadowing anything I am or could become._

_I am proud to carry the name of Demici, but should I care about what we use to be? The Chatwin reign is long gone now and we are still waiting for saviors that might never come. Rumors are that The Beast already killed five group of Children of Earth that tried to approach Whitespire. The fact that I never heard of it before is the proof that they were never the solution we needed._

_I can't stop thinking of yesterday's meeting. While playing with Elias or learning new trick the sew, all I can think is the words Baylers said during those few hours. What if Fillory's destiny drawn by the God is now to be forgotten just as they forgot us. What if, my destiny can be something else than what I am training to become. What if it is time that we take our future in our own hand and do not let anyone tell us what to do?_

_The simple idea of having a choice in who I marry and have a family with filling me shivers of excitement and fear. I feel, by discovering the Fu fighters, I glimpsed at a future with so infinite possibilities. What am I aside from everything grand-father had put on me? I have been trying to write to aunt Lobelliea and ask for her advise. She had been in the same story as mine, except that she got out of it one way or another_.... _I wrote and wrote.... but she never answers back. Either she refuses to talk about the fact that she married despite her father's deal, either she never receives my letters. Norday, the latter wouldn't surprise me._

_There will be another meeting soon and I have been invited to come back. Alistair want me away from danger, but right now the group is gathering intelligence and recruiting. So nothing to fear. What could a gathering do to me? I desperately want to go and learn more about what is really happening to Fillory and how I could actively help it. But each time I feel this fire inside my heart, guilt burns deeper, reminding me of my father. It is a blessing to see him active around the house and in his workshop. It is a blessing that I could stop to have to be the more responsible between the two of us. If I throw it all away, will he go back to his old self? After all those years of effort and misery, I do not think I could bare it._

_Both parts of me are battling so hard and I am not sure what to do and which should win. I pray the Gods and if they didn't abandon us maybe they would guide me into my queries._


	24. Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane make a life-changing decision for Fen's future

Chapter Twenty One

The bird Fen had rescued was part of a species that play with the edge of being considered fully intelligent. The Red Sparrow had their comelanguage, but no one else but them could actually talk it, their melodies and feather movement being a big part of communication. They clearly could understand when someone was speaking to them in the Human Language, in Elvish or modern Dawrf, that is if the sentence were not too long and the words were not too complicated. Yet, they had no cognitive function that could make them avoid obvious traps, they couldn't answer riddles hunter would put to keep their hunt honorable and they had to be trained to do a certain task. It was not like giving a job to a talking owl who asked for a pay and had allegiance. The Red Sparrow were between mindless crows and high intelligent owl. And yet, not a lot of people were using them as a method of communication in the kingdom. 

King Rupert was fond of them and had used them until it's last breath, sending two Red Sparrows announcing his imminent death to his sister Jane and brother Martin, both had disappeared within the last decade. His last effort had been to summon them to take over his place and give Fillory the ruler they would need. Nothing had come from that missive and since the birds had been marked as being untrustworthy and not safe to get your message across. It was at the same time that a part of the Talking owl society had agreed into delivering messages against a pay, making their kind having jobs for the first time in history. 

As she was reading those facts, Fen felt her heart break at the unfairness of the bird treatment. It was a fools wish to hope that anyone could find High King Martin or Queen Jane if they had been gone for years. Though the book was not mentioning it, she started to wonder if people were blaming them for having most likely fallen into The Beast trap and let him knew that Fillory was without ruler. 

She still remembered the bird who had came to her where she'd hid in the tree, looking at the most powerful being in Fillory battling each other with words and treats. She hadn't thought of the day she saw The Beast and the Watcher Woman in years. Yet now, she was wondering if her companion for those horrid minute had been a Red Sparrow. Her younger self had been too afraid and aghast by the situation she was hiding from to notice that sort of thing. 

The young girl put down her quill and look over the parchment she'd just wrote some information that could help her heal the bird that was waiting for her at home. Apparently, the FU had been using the Red Sparrow as a way of communication for years and it had been one of the rare time where one got injured while doing it. They got lucky that it fell into her hands and not someone that could see their actions as treason. 

''Are you done? '' Asked Alistair as he picked up the paper she was writing on.   
''You didn't have to stay here if you are bored. '' She pointed out.   
''Yes I do, because where can I go that won't be suspicious before going back home. '' 

It was the last day Alistair was staying in town, he was waiting for Hans who needed to go to High Town to buy flour and other bakery stuff. Fen had secured a ride for her brother and forced him to accept payment for the service. Now, brother and sister were at a small deserted restaurant where they'd brought a warm beverage and something to eat while Fen was researching about the animal she needed to take care of. She'd borrow the book from Mamy Ray when she had been talking to her about the incident while she was shopping for fabric. Apparently, the older woman had a love of bird and she lent her an encyclopedia of all avian species in Fillory. 

You will find that the answer you seek is given by the most unlikely people. Jane had once said. She was not wrong with that one. Who could have guessed that an old seamstress could help her take care of a bird? 

''Yes I am done. '' Fen sigh, closing the book. ''I don't think the history of the Red Sparrow really has any healing proprieties. ''  
''It's just a bird, why do you make it such a big deal''  
''An intelligent bird! ''  
''Semi-intelligent. '' Corrected her brother. '' You don't make a drama like this when it is time to kill a chicken to eat, why caring so much for that little bird. ''   
''I use to make a drama about the chicken. Remember I didn't eat any for almost a year when I learned about it. '' 

The older brother laughs at the memory and Fen smiled, loving that sound. He wasn't laughing enough for her taste. 

''Touché. '' He said, grabbing his cocoa and giving her back the paper. 

She ate a bit of her cheese and looked outside. It was a warm day for the season and the market should have been filled with people. Now there was barely a soul. Within a few years, Fen had noticed how sad thing had become and she started to worry about the fact that the future didn't seem to go in a brighter direction. 

''I can hear you think from here,'' Alistair said. '' What's wrong?'' 

Fen looked around to see if there was someone who could listen to their conversation. A pointless action since the only other clients was at a table on the other side of the room. 

''Do you really think they...you can make a difference? The FU Fighters? '' She whisper, leaning toward her brother. 

''We can make a difference. '' Said Alistair, putting his hand on hers. 

This inclusion made Fen's heart warm with happiness and it never faded for the rest of the days she stayed in Brighthaven. Where she use to see fear and doubt, she saw hope and potential. She'd look at the sky to see more red birds but none were seen; the next meeting was not decided yet. Anyway, from what she understood, they were trying to spread all over the kingdom and recruit as much as possible; by the end of the year, they wanted the group to be stronger than ever. And even if her circle of friends was limited to school, knowing Taxon and her brother already made her feel like she could touch life. Apparently, Badek was in it as well but couldn't get to Brighthaven in time. She should have known that someone with big dreams like her dwarf friend would want to fight for their land. There was something beautiful that, for a rare time in history, all races were gathering under the same banner against evil. She studied kings and queens of before, none of them had succeeded this. 

Back at school, Jane started to see a change in her attitude towards her study and her goals and it didn't take two weeks before her mentor pointed out that she had an energy that she didn't have before. For the past year, her teacher had become her confidente and one of the only adults she truly trusted. Not even her dad had this amount of credence. So Fen almost told her everything that had to happen during the afternoon that changed everything. But something stopped her.   
The Fillorians United was an organization that was against the basic root of the monarchy in their world. This was the highest of treason. For the good of Fillory, yes, but some people rather stay in their misery than change the way things are. And as open and understanding Jane was, she seemed pretty pro-monarchy. She was the one that showed her everything about it. So it felt like an insult to tell her she wanted to never use what they've been working for five years. 

So instead, Fen talked about her father's hairpin, Elias having learned to talk while she was around, how she was now able to sew her own dress and was excited to try with fabric she'd bought in town and other nonsense that was a perfect subject of conversation in any tea party or mundane dinners. It was a truth without being full forward. The young girl didn't know if Jane saw in her game, after all, she was the one who taught her this diversion. 

Despite the school tradition to always have the same number of student, no one had filled the gap of Taxon's departure. This was the source of many talks during class whisper and lunch conversation. Kay was certain that something was targetting powerful people and so, the potential student could be dead or refuse to come. That something unsaid was The Beast. Both girls knew. The idea was scary, but the most plausible of all. This got worrisome when Badek was announced to leave around the blooming festivities. 

''I was thinking of sending you too. '' Jane said one afternoon as both girls were taking tea and talking about Fillory's politic. 

Jane seemed to know a lot about the wire of Whitespire and Fen had been questioning her a lot to gather pieces of information about the real state of the kingdom. 

''Wait what? Sending me away from the school '' Had exclaimed Fen which, not surprisingly, had spilled her hot beverage on her in her surprise.   
''Yes and no. '' Said her mentor, smiling amused as she gave her a towel to dry herself. ''I had a talk with Dean Paven. Without magic, there is so much we can give you as of classes and knowledge. And we both agree that you are starting to see the end of where you can grow with us. '' 

Fen felt like a stone that dropped into her stomach. Her mouth becomes dry and she took the opportunity to fix herself not to look at Jane. She would see too much worry and sadness for her pride to take. 

''But there is one last thing I would like you to do and help you with. '' Continued Jane, probably feeling the distress of her apprentice. ''How do you feel about spending next season in High Town?'' 

Fen looked up, surprised. High Town was little than a few minutes of walk from Whitespire and has always been where the top of Fillory spend their life. What would she be doing there? For a whole season? With who? Would she have to travel there every day? But mostly, why?

''I want you to spend time with nobility'' Continued Jane, always knowing her pupil's inner thoughts. ''And I made arrangement for you to stay with someone. It's important you make connections and start to know people. That's how real politic and ruling works ''   
''I thought most of them were fleeing to Brighthaven'' Fen said, recalling her brother's observation. Jane glowed with joy and pride at this remark.   
''Well, someone has been doing her homework. '' She said giving her the last scone of their tea set. 

She should politely refuse it, but Jane was not about formality when they were alone. Plus she was becoming really fond of this pastry her mentor had baked herself. She said it was a recipe from home and the young girl swore to herself that she would learn it before the end of their time together. 

''Just something my brother said, '' she said before bitting in the blueberry delight.   
'' What someone says... ''  
''...is someone else mine of information. I know. '' 

Jane laugh and Fen joined her, hiding her full mouth with her hand. Now the last thing she needed was to choke on that. 

''Do I start to repeat myself that much?''   
''A bit''   
''Well this is one more reason for you to go out of the school for a bit. You are right, Brighthaven is where the people are going, but I don't want to throw you in the lion's den right away. Avah would be a good way to introduce you to their world. ''   
''You talk like they are not from Fillory''  
'' Well, you'll see. Living in the same place doesn't mean living the same reality. I think the way your classmate differ from you is a good example of that. '' 

Fen taught of Badek who only could only wear something made by a craftsman otherwise it was seen as an insult, she remembered Kay's religious belief in the Lady of the Sea as a helper of Ember and Umber, Thyr who had to come to his clan before the sun fell down otherwise he'd have to spend the night alone in the darkened woods. They were living in Fillory, yet none of them had the same lifestyle. Even Fen's age and absence of a potential husband was starting to be seen as weird within Human's standard. 

''Give your father this'' Jane said, giving her a blank enveloped with the golden seal of the school. ''It explains the internship proposed by the school, it has to be signed before the end of the week if we want to be able to make everything happen.''

Fen trembling hand clutched a bit harder the envelope, wondering if all her idea of changing Fillory with the Fillorian United group had just blown into smokes.


	25. Twenty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bayler's answer

_Fen,_   
_Do not despair. This is actually a wonderful news. You will have access to a place none of us would. As we look for the common people to change, you will be where the real power is at play. Listen, take notes and give us feedback. Your path may be different than your brother or ours, but this doesn't mean you don't belong. Let's both change the kingdom the way we can._

_Stay strong._   
_Bayler_

_P.S: yes if you bring the cage with you, the bird will be able to find you back there. Make sure to send him at night, Red Sparrows are rare in larges cities._   
_P.P.S: yes I will look after your brother, you didn't have to ask._


	26. Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen starts a new chapter of her life

The dress Fen was wearing was the latest creation of Winriel who was blossoming as a seamstress. Since she was bringing her better fabrics and drawn pattern from Mamy Ray, she was making so much progress that she had started to get orders from friends and client of Emlyn's shop. The new nobility in town was all about the latest fashion, and Mamy Ray was a famous artisan in the kingdom. Rare were the seamstresses who were able to follow her pattern without visible flaws, and it got known quite fast in Brighthaven. Even at school, Fen's outfit had started to become noticed by many students. With her new curves and the more fitted clothes she was wearing, the small, shy peasant girl she uses to be was starting to become a young woman that didn't go unnoticed. 

She felt like a little girl wearing a costume more than clothes as she was in front of Avah's house. It looked twice as big as what Fen lived and saw in Brighthaven. But it oddly seemed a norm here; everything in High Town was out of proportion. The bigger house you have, the better life you have. At least, those living here were thinking as such. Jane had done a portal from her classroom to the outside of the town, since appearing in someone's yard could be rude. Knowing she had to walk for a few minutes, Fen had filled only one bag with her best items of clothing, school books and a letter her dad had given her for sad moments. And now she was in front of this house, trembling as she knocks at the door. It was something pretending to act with class and distinction for Jane or in a small event at the school. But now it has to be for months. She would not be able to be the ordinary girl she allowed herself to be at home and in front of her father. She was in the major league now. 

It was a girl from about her age that open the door. Her darker skin and bright brown eyes identified her as having most likely Lorian blood-line. Her curly hair was short and bouncing all around her round face. Fen couldn't help but smile when she saw one of her father's hairpin styling her voluminous hair.

''Fendria I assume? '' she said in a lighter voice than she'd expected from her muscular composure. 

Fen bowed, remembering not to correct people with her preferred name yet. Let's the formal arrival happen before fussing about little things and potentially give a wrong impression. The first one is the one that will stay the longest after all. 

''Come, 'ma is waiting for you. '' said the young girl as she opens the door. ''Let your bag here, we'll take it upstairs later. I'm Olive by the way.''

It was a blessing that the first person she ever talked in High Town was so informal with her. She had been so worried about how and what to say that she was taken aback by how casual her host's daughter was. Fen felt some stress leave her shoulder and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. By the gods, she might be able to do this. 

Olive open a large oak door while knocking at the same time, as people in a familiar place do. In the room, a large desk filled with parchment and a pile of book oddly all the same color. A large vase was on a table near a window, within it dozen of different flowers blooming their prettiest shades of yellow, pink and blue. 

A dark-skinned woman with barely an inch of hair, golden lines on her eyelid and the faintest lips coloring. The only thing Fen thought when she saw her was the word regal. And yet, she hasn't looked or talked yet. Her only presence was enough to emanate something noble. 

'' Mother, Lady Fendria has arrived. '' Said Olive in a more subdued tone than before. The change in her language and attitude surprised the young girl.   
''Perfect darling. Make her come, can you please make us tea? '' said the matriarch not raising her eyes from the scroll she was reading. 

Olive pushed Fen gently inside the room, whispering her good luck that was not without a note of condolence. As the young girl walked inside and took a deep breath, she heard the door closing behind her and felt her heart beating fast and loud. Stopping her walk midway into the room, Avah not having looked at her once. She stayed in silence, waiting for anything to do while trying to find anything Jane had taught her at school. But she was drawing a blank. This was the dame asserting her power over her, and she knew it. She hated that it worked and she felt so small at the moment. 

''You can sit down my dear. '' Finally said the older women, looking up from her work and showing a luxurious leather chair in front of the desk. 

Fen nodded and walked toward it, knowing well that her host analyzed every movement she was making. She made sure to have a proper walk, square shoulder and a warm smile on her lips. When she sat, she made sure to cross her ankle the right way and had the proper posture. Was her wet hand and nervousness showing despite her effort? If so, Avah didn't comment on it and only smile. 

'' Jane has been talking about you for a long time now, I am happy to meet you finally. '' She said.  
'' This is kind of you. Thank you for the opportunity you are giving me. ''  
'' Bah, let's not bother with formality shall we?'' 

Fen felt that if she were, it would be duly noted by Avah. _This is a test._ She realized. 

''Of course. Thank you '' the younger girl said with a smile, playing the game she had to play.   
''Today I am quite busy, I will let Olive take care of your bed and showing you around. Tomorow, the real work start; Jane asked me to present you the most important people of Fillory and, of course, I know them all. I will show you Hightown elite! Is it your first time here yes? Perfect I will show you around. By the end of the month, we will do a gathering here so I can present you to more people. Instead of having to meet them one by one, let them come to you. '' 

Fen laughed politely when her host did, a bit frightened by the perspective of the week. She smiles. 

''Doing a party will be the perfect training for you. If you want to be a perfect wife, you will have to know how to host and be the star of your night with little effort. There is nothing worse than someone trying too hard. But don't worry, this is why I am here. At the end of the season, you will be the best bride-to-be in all Fillory! '' 

Jane had told Fen that Avah had no idea of the real reason why Fen was at the Treeschool, and the only thing she knew was that her father wanted her to have the best education if she wanted to marry and help the social status of the family. Which was not a lie, nor the full truth? Olive saved her from answering to any of this while she entered with a tea set and plum cake. She put it on her mother's desk, curtsy and walk out without a word or a glance to them. 

If she was treating her daughter that way, what will become of her...


	27. Twently Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen meet her host daughter who might become her first friend after all...

That night, after Avah left for some important business, Olive reappear in the study as radiant as she was when she welcomed Fen at the door. It was not even subtle how much different she was in her mother's presence. Filling for later the tons of question she had about that, and she follows the young girl in the dining room where the table was dressed for two. 

''Is there anything I can do to help? '' Fen finally ask  
''Oh no, sit down, mom hired a chef to impress you, the food will be served soon.''

Fen sat in front of Olive, a bit surprised.

''Impress me?''  
''Well.. yeah. I mean usually I do the cooking, but I guess she wants to show that we have money or something like that. She told me I was off kitchen duty for the time you were there. You'll have a cooking class with him too. ''

This sentence was so loaded it took a moment for Fen to make it all in and understand it's meaning. She politely thanked her host when she gave her a glass of water than she couldn't help but start to ask a question. There was so much confusion politeness can allow. 

''Hm... She mentioned learning how to cook, which I think I can do not that bad... but I thought it would be with her. ''

Olive laugh was mixed with surprised and disgusted. She shook her head crossed her arm over her chest. 

''I don't think 'ma ever put a foot in that kitchen. '' She said with amusement. 

But the conversation didn't go further as an elvish woman appears by the door, her blond hair in a high bun and an apron too clean for it not to have been changed right before service. Appearances were everything, but there was a limit! Who would expect a chef not to have stains on its apron! 

''Sorry for the delay '' She said in a heavy accent that made Fen smile a bit. It was too easy for her to forget that not everyone was speaking the royal tongue without difficulty. The treeschool and her time in Brighthaven had spoiled her on that. 

The portion in front of her was usually the serving for her father and her. But now, a whole fish, surrounded by vegetables and covered in a white sauce was all for her. She had been used to a good meal at school...but this was more. This was an elegant meal. She tried not to feel bad at her stomach lurching, awaken by the dozen of odors in front of her. And this was all for her.

After the cook had put a bowl of salad in the middle of the table, Fen thanked him in the Elvish language, blessing her language class for something. Both the chef and Olive looked at her surprised. As the darker girl raised an eyebrow, the chef thanked her back and left the room visibly unsettled. 

''Not only you are charming, but you also speak Elvish? '' Said Olive, visibly impressed.   
''A bit, I am terrible at it. But I know my basic. '' Said Fen, blushing at the compliment.   
''Alright, that put one more question on my list of thing I want to ask you. '' She chuckles, starting to dig in her food. 

Not having had anything for breakfast and only the plum cake in the afternoon, Fen happily followed her and tried not to gasp of delight when she tasted the fish. By the gods, this was the most delicious thing she'd ever eaten in her life. 

''You have a list? '' She decided to ask, trying not to show how much she enjoyed the food.   
''Like you don't. '' Olive laughed and winked. Fen followed her, giggling lightly.   
'' Fair enough. ''   
''Why don't we break the ice and ask them? 'ma is not there, so you don't have to pretend to be perfect, and I can be frank to you. '' 

Fen blinked, realizing that indeed, in front of Avah, she had to be perfect. Nobility required perfection in every second of your life. She had never thought of it that way.

''Alright. '' She agreed. ''You start. ''   
'' Are you here because someone forced you or because you wanted to? '' Olive asked after gathering her thoughts.   
'' I was asked to be here. It's part of my formation.''  
''So you were forced?''   
'' Well...''  
'' If it was you, would you have come here?''  
''Not really.''   
''Then you were forced. That's fine. I think it makes me like you more then. '' 

Olive grin and grabbed a piece of tomato in her hand before plopping it in her mouth. The sheer bluntness of this girl was refreshing, yet Fen couldn't help herself to wonder if this was yet another test. But Olive seemed genuinely listening to her answer and not analyzing them like she was used to. 

''How old are you? '' Fen asked after thinking a moment.   
'' Sixteen. ''   
''So am I! ''  
''You should tell your face, you look like you're ten! '' Teased Olive and Fen couldn't help herself but roll her eyes, having heard all the comment about her baby face making her look younger than she was. By the Gods, she would not complain about it, a lot of woman in Fillory would sell their soul for that. ''Do you have any siblings? And before you ask it back no, I don't. ''

Fen laughs and nodded. 

''Two brothers. One is living on a farm next to my dad and I. My older brother moved to Brighthaven and has a shop there. My dad is helping both of them from time to time. ''  
''Let me guess, you are the one that cook and clean. '' Olive said a bit bitter.   
''I used to be the only one for a while yes. But not since I started school. Papa has been trying to make his part in the house. He can't do bread for the life of him though, that is my work. ''   
''Wait you make your bread? ''   
''We have to! The nearest bakery is about a thirty-minute walk on a good day.''

Olive seemed genuinely impressed by this and Fen wonder why since this was something her brother had done before her. In fact, Emlyn had shown her how to do it a few days before he left for his apprenticeship. But then, she remembers the Elvish woman in the kitchen and wonders how much cooking was making the girl in front of her. There was a difference between making dinner and having to do everything from scratch. There was no way they could afford bread from the bakery every day, or going to the merchant to have the goods you need. Fen was still hoping her father would have enough to eat with the food she had been canning before the warm season. They were running low on a lot of things.

''Could you show me how to do it?'' Olive asked, an excited grin on her face.

Fen felt suddenly awful to have judged her without any thought that, maybe, Olive would like to learn despite her easy access to pre-made food. 

''Of course! You will see, it is not as hard as it seems. '' 

Both girls continued to eat, and Fen stomach started to be tamed. It took her a few seconds of awkward silence to realize it was her turn to talk. She blushed, trying to come up with a good question. 

'' Are you from Loria?'' she decided to ask since it was the less invasive question she could think at the moment.   
''It's hard to hide that we are. '' Olive laugh, showing herself. Most Lorians have dark skin and are bulkier than Fillorians. Their kingdom was the straight contrast to each other down to their citizen. '' My dad was an important person back there. You know those who do politics behind the King's back and pretend to be its advisor at daylight. He met my 'ma in one of those fancy balls and left the castle to settle down not far from the castle. They both had enough coins to live without working a single day of their life, so they bought a house and almost lived happily ever after. ''   
'' almost?'' Fen asks, unable to stop her curiosity. But there must be a reason why they were in Fillory now.   
'' Well, let say they were not happy when the king fell for someone from Earth. Yes, he had an heir with them, but the fact that now the future king was not fully lorian was not the most popular thing amongst people you know.'' 

Olive grabbed a bite of her fish and continued to talk, visibly as happy to tell the story as Fen loved to hear it. Tales from the other kingdom were so rare that she'd only knew about King Idri's firstborn by her study at the Treeschool. 

''So my dad and some other people decided to take action and had this whole plan about killing the prince and making it look like an accident. As you can probably guess, it, and two of his accomplice got caught and killed instantly. Within hours we were in a cart fleeing the kingdom. The only thing I kept from my life there was the clothes I was wearing that day. '' Olive's eyes were misty, and clearly, she was in her memories and not in this reality. '' We hid at a friend of my mother who lived in Barion. The king's guard was waiting for my dad there. He begged to save our life, saying 'ma and I, we didn't know anything about it, and in the end, they told my mother never to set foot in Loria anymore. They took my dad away. Apparently, King Idri killed him personally before sending his son away to Earth for his protection. Since then we are adopted Fillorians. '' 

As Olive had told her family story, they had finish dinner, and the chef had taken their plate away, promising tea and dessert. Olive finished her tale as a blueberry pie and tea were served. Fen thanked the cook in Elvish again -this time his smile was lightning his face instead of pure confusion- and the young girl started to pour tea for both of them. She had to fill the silence but didn't know how. This was saying so much about her, yet so many questions were still unanswered. 

''Why are you so... well those are personal details you know? '' Fen said, after a moment. '' You barely know me, yet you just gave me your whole family story. Why? '' 

Olive took time to drink her herbal tea slowly before answering. 

''Because in Hightown, this is the kind of people you will meet; it's a cutthroat society. Literally. '' She sighed and looked at Fen with earnest sadness. '' I don't know why you want to be like them, but please, you seem way too nice to go that path ' '


	28. Interlude III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen writes a letter

_Dear Papa,_   
_Days in Hightown are going fast and are full of new learning. You were right to say that this place is like no other in Fillory._

_Lady Avah is most kind and is showing me the place in town I must know and present me to people who are influent in the Kingdom's well-being despite being without true rulers. I saw some people wearing your work, and I couldn't help to swell with pride. I made sure to tell your name, and Emlyn's so ready to receive direct request!_

_I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Lady Avah has a daughter a few months my elder. It feels nice to be with someone my age, even at school, it was not something possible. Lady Olive is the opposite of what you would expect from someone who grew up in riches, but she ground me up. Yesterday, as we were parting for the night, she reminded me that most of those noble people are only as wealthy as their clothes. It made me laugh since you kept telling me that when I first met Lady Jane and was impress by her aura._

_I've learned to cook some pastries that would make Hans jealous! Next time I cook some, I won't eat it all and send some to you, I think you would like them._

_Tomorow I am hosting my first social gathering at Lady Avah's house. I am terrified and excited. She might be strict, but within a month I learned a great deal about how to be ready if ever my destiny is to happen. You would be proud of me._

_Tell Alistair I will send him a letter by the end of the week._

_With all my love_   
_Fen._


	29. Twenty Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen is hosting her first party with higher society

Olive had snuck back in the room when the servant was starting to show up with platters of food for guest to enjoy. It was not unnoticed by Fen that some were refusing to eat. That simple act was telling so much about their wellbeing that all she wanted was to scream and tell them how people were starving elsewhere. Some would kill for those small bites. 

''If you don't like the shrimp you don't have to eat them. '' Olive laughed, plopping one in her mouth. 

Fen realized that her distress might have shown on her face and she put a warm smile on her lips after drinking a bit of her second glass of wine. 

'' I was lost in my thoughts, my apologies. '' She said, wondering if she felt hot because she was blushing or because of the alcohol.   
''Bah, I told you not to do those manners with me. '' Olive scolded her gently.

Both girl giggles as they ate another bite. Fen looked around, seeing people dancing, talking, laughing, drinking, eating. It was amazing that this place was full of people that were supposed to be here to celebrate her and yet, only a handful had come and made conversation. 

''I survived until now, this is good right? '' Fen said, trying to change the conversation and yet needing a bit of approval. She felt so clumsy in all her small talk and welcoming that it might be the reason no one was talking with her. 

''More than good, believe me, if you were an embarrassment, 'ma would have sent you to your room. '' Olive laughed. '' Oh god, is that Bayler? '' 

The young boy was laughing with an older man that had pixies parentage. Fen could not remember his name... Paldoc? Paldac? Pal...Paldwin. Yes, That's it. 

''Yes, your mom presented him to me not long ago. '' She said, which was technically not a lie.   
''Please tell me she didn't try to pair you up with him already? '' Olive whined, scrunching her nose. 

Fen was positively blushing now, and she could help the gasp of surprise she let out and spilled a bit of wine of the floor at the same time. Olive laughed at this reaction, but thank the Gods no one else saw it.

''Gods no! '' She said surprise that Alvah could do such a thing. Even without her engagement, it would have been so impolite to set up a couple without talking to her father first. And she knew how badly he would react to such demands. ''She just told me his father was kind to her. ''   
'' Save up our life yeah. '' Said Olive with a smile. '' You'll see, by the end of the evening, she'll try to match you up. If she drank enough, she will. She always tries with me. That's why I hide in my room after a certain time. ''   
''Lucky you have this chance; apparently, I have to stay until the last guess leave. '' 

Olive finished her drink and put the empty glass on the table before placing her hand on her hips. 

''Alright, let me give you a lesson of etiquette no one will ever give you; after the third, our fourth glass of wine, no one in the room care about that kind of things. Look. '' 

She pointed to a party of four people, seated around a small table, elbow on the furniture, loudly laughing. One of the men even punched the other one gently on the arm, while another was eating with his hand instead of the fork next to him. It was a scene that reminded her of home with her brothers and couldn't help but warm her heart. This was the proof that despite all the mask they wanted to put, some things never change. 

''I tell you, when 'ma will start to play games and to sing songs, you can escape too. She'll barely notice you are gone. ''   
''You think?''   
''If not, blame me and tell her I kidnapped you. '' 

Fen laughs at this because that could entirely be something Olive could do. But she didn't want to put her friend in trouble even more with her mother. 

''I'll see if I can do it. '' She decided, not wanting to raise her hopes too high.   
''Well, if you want to hide, I'll be in my room with wine and some of those sandwich. Have you had them? I swear they are the best thing I've eaten in years. '' 

After Olive had made a long love rant about the food served, Fen had to excuse herself. She knew if she'd stay, she would stick with her and not be present with the other guest. It was nice to notice how comfortable she was around her. 

That's how she ended up talking with two women that must be a bit older than Emlyn but not by much. They were all raving about her dress, and she made sure to name who made them and praised her work. Maybe the two ladies would order something there and give a bit of money in a house that needed it. 

''Mamy Ray? Oh yes, I have heard of her! She does wonder with patterns and colors! I didn't know her shop was in Brighthaven. Such a small place for a wonderful artist'' Said a plump brunette with golden eyes and sharper teeth. If Fen blurry memory was correct, she was in the lineage of the talking jaguar that was ruling the forest up north of Fillory.   
''Well, it's not like High Town is interesting!'' Complained the girl next to her that was her twin sister. The only difference was her skin was a touch lighter than the other. ''Shops are closing, and people are leaving! Ever since news of the group of Child of Earth was killed by the beast, not far from the Invisible Castle, it's like everyone is giving up hopes of new royalty.''   
''You believe that? I still think this is a made up story to scare people. The Beast has not attacked Fillory in years, why would he now?''  
'' Do you know how many Children of Earth is rumored to have been killed by him'' Fen decided to ask seeing both sisters starting to get rilled up. The last thing she wanted was to have a brawl. Her heart was racing because, not only the idea of The Beast terrified her, but this was new information. Last time she heard of people trying to claim the throne, it had been years before she even knew some were trying.

Both sisters thought, visibly happy to know something Fen didn't. 

''About a month ago? '' Said one sister to the other, wanting confirmation. ''At least that is when I first heard about it. Of course, they made sure to keep it secret for Fillorians, the last thing we want is everyone to be in a panic. ''   
''And I still think it might not be true. You said he had a prisoner? Isn't he known never to leave anyone alive? '' 

Fen had to take a deep drink to fight back the memory of her mom died while she and her brothers were hiding under the floor. The glass emptied way to quick for her taste. 

''All I know is the Invisible Castle is far too close for my taste.''  
''I've heard a rumor that some people join his side. '' Fen said clutching her empty glass so her hand wouldn't shake as much. ''Is that true?''  
''Oh it is!'' Said the twins together.  
''They are his henchmen for years now, he barely shows up anymore. '' Said one of the sisters after looking at her twin with annoyance and amusement. ''There are pamphlets about them all over town, giving safety measure. ''  
''I'll try to get one, it is a great idea from Whitespire to do so. ''

Both sisters laughed bitterly which surprised Fen. A servant arrived with more wine glasses, and she gladly took another one. Her head started to feel a bit lighter, and she felt her guard going down, but at the moment she didn't care. She needed liquid courage. 

''Whitespire never did one thing about The Beast, and it will not start right now. '' One of the sisters said, looking up to make sure Abigail was not within earshot. Thankfully she was napping in the corner of the room. ''It's the FU-Fighters that finally do something to help people.''  
''The FU...?'' asked Fen, trying to seem puzzled by the name  
''I think it's Fillorian Uniform or something like that. Anyway, a bunch of people that want to fix Fillory since no one seems to do it. They've been helping farmers with crops and made arrangements with merchants to give their unsold goods to poor houses. Might not fix the bigger problem, but at least they care. ''   
''I see it in your face, don't get your hopes up. '' Said the other sister as Fen blushed knowing she had gotten a bit excited how the FU was talked about. ''Nobody is black or white, I am sure there is dark part into that mess too. Just wait, I give it a year, and the whole thing will blow up.''  
''Or The Beast will kill them all.'' 

And Fen's fear went back straight to her stomach. She felt like all the light the sister had sparkled in her had been blown out in one sentence. The emptiness that came with it seemed darker than usual. Could they be signing their dead by trying to save Fillory? Thankfully she didn't have to carry the conversation since, as Olive predicted it, Avah declares it was time for a game and to gather around her.


	30. Twenty Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen and Olive spend some time together

It was hilarious how easy it was to slip away from the party and go into her room. She climbed the stairs rather quickly despite the alcohol starting to have its effect on her. She got into her room quickly, grabbed a paper and a quill and began to write the information she just acquired from the two sisters. The group, the rumored kidnapping, the pamphlet, the negative perception they had of their group. She wanted to put it down now while it was still fresh. She re-read twice the small paragraph she managed to compose, knowing her penmanship was too sloppy and got to the window. 

She did a small but high whistle and, within seconds, her Red Sparrow friend came to the window, looking at her with his big black eyes. Earlier that month, a member of the FU fighters had come and put a nest not far from her room so that she would have access to it quickly. She forgot to thank Bayler on that one. Oh god...was he stuck downstairs playing a game with the others? The idea made her chuckle. 

''Can you bring that at the base please?'' She asked the bird as she rolled up the message in a small scroll and tied it on its leg. The fact that he nodded and stayed put until she was done putting the message was once again, the proof that those birds were smarter than many people were giving them credit. ''Thank you'' She told him, stroking his small head once before looking at him fly away in the night sky. 

She leaned against the window, looking at him leaving until she couldn't see it anymore. A sort of sadness took her heart that must be related to her being tipsy. She suddenly felt lonely without her family and far away from a group that was doing so much good. Would any of it matter or make a difference. 

Alright, this is getting too gloomy for me. She thought. She took a deep breath, letting the air of the night bringing her back to reality and closed the window. After a quick double look in the mirror, she went to Olive's room and knocked at the door. It took a few, and along muffle swears before seeing the girl's head peaked out of the door. 

'' Oh you came! I was not sure!'' She said with a grin. 

She had removed her makeup and yet, there was still color on her cheeks that were betraying her state. The half-empty bottle of wine to her nightstand as well. When she entered, she grinned seeing her friend out of her gown and into comfy looking pajamas. 

''That didn't take long!'' Fen teased as she followed her friend to her bed. She sat on the edge and grin when Olive pulled out a glass of wine for her; apparently, she'd hope to have company tonight.

''I like dresses but ugh, not when they come from my mother. '' Olive said, visibly disgusted while leaning into her stack of pillows. '' And she gave it to me to make sure I was not showing any of my curves, and I was proper. She did this for herself, not for me. ''  
''Be happy you have a mother. '' Fen said, wondering why her sad thoughts kept creeping back to her tonight.   
''You don't have one ?'' Olive asked, drinking. 

It took the rest of the bottle and Olive opening a second one for Fen to tell the whole story. How her mother had been killed, her memories, how her dad went into a deep depression and why she had this strange reaction to the ham dinner that one time. At the end of it, she was wiping her tears, but it felt nice to tell someone. Usually, when people meet her, they already know the tragedy or the Demici family. Or they don't have to know. She liked her school friend but will never talk about her burden there; they were not that close. 

''By Ember's hooves, I'm so sorry. '' Said Olive, putting a hand on her knee and squeezing.   
''It's alright, it was a long time ago. I don't remember her. I feel... well something is missing you know? '' 

Of course, she knew, Olive had lost her father when she was young as well. 

''Can I ask you something. '' She decided to say after a moment. When Olive nodded, visibly curious, Fen bit her lips, not knowing how to ask the question that has been bothering her for weeks now. Was there a good way to ask that anyway? ''I don't have to be a genius to notice there is something between your mother and you. '' She finally said. ''You call her 'ma and talk about her quite intensely when we are together but with her its mother, and miss and bowing and never looking at her.... and...''

''Yeah,'' Olive said lowering her eyes. Fen mentally slapped herself for being so inquisitive into her personal life. She was about to apologize and tell her to forget it, but Olive continued. ''She never accepted my transition after my dad passed away. She always had the prospect of having a male heir I guess, and with him gone it was over. ''  
'' Oh..... ''

Choosing your gender was something natural for many creatures in Fillory but not humans. She knew that Kay had a ritual with her family when she was around sixteen when she claimed to be a woman but from what she knew, this was not into any of human religious or cultural practice. It was still practiced but not as familiar as nymphs. It was a wonder that Olive knew enough of herself that she decided to claim who she was despite what she was raised to be. Part of Fen couldn't stop to admire her even more for that. 

''In Loria, some people knew, and it was no big deal you know? But here it's this big secret for no other reason than to torture me. Sometimes I wonder why do I stay. '' Olive was definitely drunk and a bit bitter but it felt nice to know the bottom of the story finally.   
''Why do you stay? '' Fen asked, putting her empty glass on the nightstand, knowing she shouldn't take more. Olive was too much in her head, thinking of the answer, to fill her up anyway.   
''I guess I wouldn't know where to go, what to do. You are the first girl my age she ever let me hung out with, and still, we have to sneak in if we want to spend time together. ''

Fen felt tears rise into her eyes as her words hit her in the heart. It was the first time in her life someone had called her a friend. Even Taxon and Kay never used the word. They were close classmates at best. But friend? Her life had been too much about survival and making sure her family was safe that she never took the time to consider that someone would recognize her like that. And yet, within a month, she felt closer to Olive that she had been with anyone. 

''I never had a friend either... I mean before, '' she admitted, wiping her eyes. She chuckles when she saw Olive do the same and both girls started to laugh through their tears, relief, and pure happiness was painting on their face. How beautiful it felt to know that, from now on, the bound they were feeling was mutual and genuine.   
''Hey Fen.....'' Asked drunkenly Olive as she started to unbraid the hair of the young girl. ''Why do you do this? This whole thing with your school and coming here. You don't belong. I mean.... not in a bad way. You are just too nice for them. ''   
'' Exactly'' she said, closing her eyes, loving the touch of someone playing in her hair. ''I want to change that. People with power should care about Fillory and its citizen not who did what and did what fashion misstep. ''   
''Wishful thinking ''   
''Maybe, but if no one hopes for it, how can it change. ''   
''You are a weird girl Fen. You know that. ''   
''I guess I am...''


	31. Twenty Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen goes to dinner at Bayler's house

The party had been a success, and rapidly, Fen had become one of the projects of many people in High Town. They adore the idea of shaping this farmer's girl into a woman of nobility and rapidly, her scheduled filled with tea invitation, lunch gathering and lavish dinner parties where she talked, learned and listened. 

Her many exchanges with influential people ended up making her having to write almost daily to the FU Fighter and, from what her brother had told her when they'd lunch together, the information she was gathering was crucial into trying to find The Beast hiding place and way to learn his next action so they could protect Fillory. Knowing about the golden beetles' population drastically dying, and lowering Whitespire's treasure, had lead to an investigation that some follower of The Beast had been poisoning them for years. Some FU fighters were now working into relocating them to a north-west territory so they could start back their colony and be protected by a natural barrier forest and water dryad had promised to grow around them. 

One night, Bayler's father had taken upon Avah's discussion and invited her and Fen to dinner. Despite the modest house, the small portion of dinner and having few options, her mentor had been polite, charming and even delighted with the meal. For the first time, Fen had seen her interact with someone that was a lower rank and not act out of distant but appreciated the effort they put into hosting them. 

''That's what I mean. '' Bayler said, as she expressed her surprise while they were drinking tea near the fire, the adults talking at the table. ''I believe that nobility is just too disconnected to their citizen if we can talk to them, most of them are rather reasonable.''  
''I thought you hated them '' She admitted, tucking her feet underneath her to make herself cozier. It was oddly familiar for someone she was not supposed to know, but Avah was not there to chaperone her.   
''Hate is a big word.''He said looking at her with a small smile. ''I know I can talk harshly sometimes, I am... frustrated I guess. I still don't understand why you are studying to becoming like that. ''   
''It's complicated. '' She admitted. ''I'm doing it more for my dad than I., But if it can help the cause and I can change their mind, maybe all those bowing and crusty would be worth it in the end.''

The way Bayler beamed at her bade her blush and smiled back in response. The pride he was showing was not an act, and it felt nice to be reminded that her goals were not as foolish as it might seem. 

''I'll send you a copy of the major point of the meeting tomorrow. '' He finally said after a moment of silence where both of them enjoyed the fire and their herbal tea.   
'' Sorry I can't come. Kiss my brother for me. ''  
''Your duty to stay in her good grace come first. '' He said, waving off her apology. '' And if you don't mind, I'll only tell Alistair you say hi. '' 

Fen laughed and looked up to see Avah in the doorway smiling at the scene. She straightens a bit her posture and put back her feet on the ground like it was asked to do. She tried to ignore Bayler teasing snort as she asked Avah if she needed anything. 

'' It is time to go home. Sir Hydran and his father are to wake up early tomorrow to fish; we should not let our company deprive them of sleep. ''   
''It is no bother my lady. '' Bayler said, following Fen as she got up from her seat. 

She gave him her half-full cup and smile at him, going back to the distant relationship they had to have in front of people. 

''Thank you for this evening, your fishing story was amazing to hear. '' She said, pretending that was their conversation was about.   
''If you need more, you are always welcome here. '' He said bowing, before retreating to the kitchen.

Bayler's father arrived with their cloak, and both girls got ready to leave, praising his dinner and promising each other for another evening. When they went, Fen tugged her hand inside her woolen cloak as a fresh breeze hit them. 

'' Thank you for letting me join my lady. '' Fen said, knowing that this was not a dinner she was required to be. Fen wondered if she got invited to be shown that Avah could be down to earth when she was connected to more ordinary people.   
''It is my pleasure. '' Avah said, walking toward the carriage that was waiting for them not far from the Hydran's house. ''You seemed to enjoy Bayler quite much at the welcoming party last time, I figure you'd like to see him again. '' 

Ah! There was the real reason. Fen couldn't stop to have an amused smile thinking of Olive laughing at her if ever she'd hear about it. She let herself blush because she knew that is what Avah expected her reaction to be. 

'' He is quite amusing. '' She admitted, trying to be vague about her feelings. '' I agree with you that their house didn't lose its dignity despite not serving Whitespire anymore. ''   
''Oh they will go back to their rightful place one day or another. '' Avah said, visibly happy to be inside their carriage and not out in the cold air. They'd only walk a minute or two, and both of them had their face brighten by the chilling night.   
''Do you think we will get to have Kings and Queens again?'' Fen dared to ask. This question was a topic she'd learn not to go when she was in a social gathering. Opinions were quite divided about it and talked politic in parties was never a good idea. But now that they were going home and the dinner had gone well, she felt she could ask her mentor without her worrying about something.   
''I do. '' She said, looking outside the window, a glim of nostalgia in her eyes. ''I hope. ''  
'' Me too. '' Fen admitted. 

The sad look Avah gave her punched Fen into the heart. She had the same eyes as her daughters when they were full of truth and emotions. Seeing her without mask or artifice for an instant, a glimpse, made Fen catch her breath.

''My biggest wish is that it happens during your lifetime Fen. '' She said, using for the first time the diminutive she knew her pupil liked more. ''There is nothing that breaks more my heart is to see Fillory die in front of my eyes. Olive and you deserve so much more than what this land has become. '' 

Fen didn't know what to say. It was a rare thing that she was included in the same sentence as her hostess daughter. At least, that was not a comparison that was against Olive. This was the wish of a mother and a Fillorian. Not what she had to say. That what she wanted to say. 

''I didn't mean to upset you. ''   
''Oh it's not you. Going to see the Hydran's always put me in a sad mood. They are the reminder that not everyone had got out of our high land without any harm. I wish I could do something sometime.''  
''I am sure we can find something.''   
''It is not by feeding someone one time that the real problem will be fixed, my dear. '' Sadi Avah in a small and kind voice, her eyes returning to Fen and yet, still distant in memories.   
''Whitespire...''  
''Whitespire do not care. Since King Rupert's death, all they have been doing is patching holes that his death created. They don't have time for us; they try to avoid wars and riot. ''

Fen fell silent, her heart wearing heavy. If the highest power could not help, how much of a change could anyone bring? Was feeding the hungry not enough when the problem was more significant or was it a solution to fix today's sorrow. Sometimes it was the only thing someone could afford to do. 

They stayed silent for the rest of the ride, the happy mood a bit drained by sadness both woman were feeling. It felt like a bonding moment. There was an emotion that needed silence to be explored and share. When they left the carriage and walked home, Avah put a delicate hand on Fen's shoulder stopping her from opening the main door. 

That night, Fen could not fall asleep. Words from Baylers and Avah playing in her head, her heart heavy and torn between her destiny and her actual life. She felt the burden of it all like a punch into the gut that left her unable to see past tomorrow. If someone could see the future and tell her if the High King would come in her lifetime or not, her mind would be more at peace with what to do. But this eternal what if that loomed over her made her feel stuck, unable to move forward or backward. 

And she hated herself to start crying about that.


	32. Twenty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet another letter that change Fen's life

_Dear Mrs. Demici,_

_It is with deep regret that I have to announce to you the departure of your mentor. Professor Jane had been sick lately and had to retire from all her duty to take care of herself. She advises me that she will be out of reach for quite a while and contacting her will be impossible until further notice._

_I am as surprised as you with this sudden departure but, from what I understood, she is seeking help in another world, and this is why she will be unable to be contacted. Before her departure, she sent a package to your house, and your father is requested not to open it before you arrive._

_As of your study with the Tree School, I took upon myself to read your last essays and the report lady Avah wrote about you for your mid-semester review. I am quite pleased by the result and can affirm with high certainty that, at the end of your internship, you will be passing your program with us and be an alumnus of our prestigious establishment._

_Rare were those of your kind that not only succeeded in coming to our doors but stayed until the very end. When the White Lady came in person requesting for your coming, I was not the most receptive to the idea and, for once, I am glad to be proven wrong. The magic you create might not be the one the other students are learning, but I genuinely believe that your fate is to bring hope to Fillory. With or without the blade that brought you to the school_

_I will send you more detail about your graduation and upcoming task for the end of your internship._

_With all my love,_   
_Dean Paven._


	33. PART FOUR: THE LEO BLADE

The Gods have abandoned us  
We prayed and hoped  
They remained silent and thus  
My faith in them have stopped

Gone is Fillory,  
Our world, our land  
I use to sing of your glory  
Now I sing of the past and how you were grand 

I wish my heart were full of happiness  
Instead of the sorrow that I am signing  
I wish my heart were gone from sadness  
With the hope of a bright future shining

But let's raise a glass   
To those who still smile,  
that tricks, and tease and laugh  
And make us forget our sorrow for awhile

I raise my glass to those who warm my bed  
Ladies and gents' that kiss and tell  
For washing away all of my dread  
I'll see you tomorrow, when drunk and well

Drink my brother, drink my friend  
Fillory is dying, but this ain't our end

Balad of the melancholic, New Music From Fillory And Loria, by the guild of Bards, First edition, Volume I


	34. Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taxon come to visit Fen and paint a rather horrible portrait of Fillory under The Beast

Fen as putting the final words into her diary entry when a small bird came next to her and sang softly. With a grand smile, she picked him up and stroke his feather before taking the note from his leg and putting him in an open birdcage where he could drink and rest if he needed. 

''Thank you my friend'' She said softly.

After hiding her diary under her bed, as always, she sat and read the message Taxon was sending her. He had been on a mission near the edge of Loria for the past year, and she had miss her friend so much that news of his coming to Hightown had merely delighted her. She had made sure to send him an invitation via the FU's channel, just in case his coming was supposed to be secret. 

I will come with great pleasure. Let say at sundown? I will bring cider, to remind us of good times. 

Fen chuckle, loving that her friend still remembers that small aspect of her when she had been a new student at the Treeschool. She had been eleven at that time, now nineteen years old, she had learned to appreciate wine and meads, but yes, cider always will be a soft spot for her. 

She had plenty of time to go to town and gather what was needed to receive her longtime friend, but she needed to do some other errand as well, so she decided to go right away. After making brushing her hair and putting her warm cloak and gloves, she grabbed an empty basket and walked outside her small accommodation. The crisp air of the cold season made her shiver and, fixing her scarf up to her nose. She started to walk fast to the merchant district of Hightown. 

After her internship was over, Fen had ended up with nothing to do since Jane was gone and the school was graduating her. It had followed a few weeks of aimless wander in her father's house and at Alistair's. Soon, she realizes that all her time she had focused on becoming a proper lady of the court but never on her near real future. She'd prepare in case. Now that everything was over, she had nothing to give so she could have her own life. Olive had sensed her distress in the letter they were exchanging, and soon, the dark-skinned girl came to spend some time to her house and discover what Fen reality was. The distraction of her friend had work while she presented her to Alistair and, even, went for a day trip to Brighthaven to meet Emlyn's family. But soon, the same dread crept into Fen who felt useless in comparison to her family.

When Olive had left, Fen had become more and more restless to a point where her father had sent her to spend some time with Alistair so she could work on the farm. But the crop had just been harvested, the Fu Fighter did not have any meeting before the next moon, and there were so many hours in a day where she could go back to her sword practice or cleaning the house. That is when her brother had suggested she moved back to High Town. That was where she could still work and make more connexion, which would be beneficial for her personal life but as a FU fighter as well. Plus, she could sell her service as a seamstress for a high-rank lady and earn more money that if she was doing it in the country like she was at the moment. 

When she'd mentioned the idea to Olive, her friend had been so delighted that she secure a small accommodation not far from the marina, where she could see and smell the sea. Lady Avah had told her this small lot had been hers before, and she was happy to let it to her without rent, but part of Fen wonder if her old tutor had bought the place; she had been telling her to come and move to High Town since the moment her internship had finished. Since then, Olive has spent more time at the small accommodation of Fen than her gigantic house. Fen had shown her how to do bread and fix clothing with sewing. Olive had decided to continue her education of the high society and showed her more of the town; going to libraries and shops to browse and talk. But Fen had made sure that, every weekend she would see her father make sure he was still eating and because -let's face it- being away from the house was hard and made her homesick. 

If gossip had been more comfortable for her to gather and more intelligence from Whitespire had been easy to collect, being discrete had become a problem. Her friend was observant and more than once she had to wonder how close she was becoming of Bayler. After all, in the three years, she was now living in High Town, she'd been seen talking with him more than it was proper and some rumor at their subject had been going around. Despite their relation being strictly professional, Fen had let the story carry its way, feeling it was better to see their relationship as some courtship than being between two rebels. Being in the socialite's rumor mill was only the proof that her integration had been full. 

'' Good afternoon Lady Swan. '' Fen said, grinning as an elder woman open the door where she'd knock. ''I apologize for the delay, here are your dresses. I fixed the hem, and the lace on the blue dress seemed a bit undone, so I changed it. It looks brand new. ''   
The elder woman beamed with happiness as she took the neatly wrap parcel Fen was giving her. There was always a swell of pride when she saw her customer enjoying her work. Most of them had never held a needle in their life, so they could not know that her work had been for only an hour if not two. But, being in High Town, she could charge a tremendous amount that they always gladly paid. This helped Fen to get by with food and other necessities and, she split the extra money between sending some to her father -just as her brother had been doing for years – and giving some to those in need. And even in High Town, some people were not eating some day. Having been there, she knew that a few gold coins could save a life. 

Her deliveries now done, her pocket full of money, she decided to explore the bookstore since she was almost done with her last book. Plus the owner had the juiciest gossip in town since the council of Whitespire always ordered some new books and scrolls from him. 

A few hours later, when she came back home, she had everything she needed for her unexpected dinner, new books to carry her through the month to go and her head full of gossip not really useful for the FU, but somewhat entertaining. 

While humming Oh Fillory, My Fillory, she set the pace to make her dinner and clean a bit before her guest arrives. And as punctual as a clock, Taxon knocked at her door as the sun was sharing its last ray of light for the day. 

''It's so good to see you'' She said as they hug tightly. It had been almost a whole year since they'd spend time together  
''Thank you for hosting, are you sure you don't mind I sleep here.''   
''Of course! I was not sure if you were supposed to be seen, so that's why I offered. Plus it gives us a good reason to drink 'til dawn.''   
''Oy! Where's my baby Fen who grimace the first time I made her drink mead for the first time.'' 

Fen punched him in the arm as he burst into laughter, hugging her once more. Gods it was good to see him again. 

Despite having enough money to feed herself, food was becoming hard to get by lately. There had been a draught for the whole warm season, and this was not counting the many acts of thieves and desperate people. Merchant had to close their stores, and some farmer only produced enough to feed themselves. Even in High Town, the emaciated silhouette started to, and there was no more waste at social gatherings. So tonight's dinner was not the best she ever did, but there were bread and some vegetable which was a small miracle in itself. 

''Apparently, there's lots of movement in the Neitherlands. At least that's what Gwendal told me yesterday. '' Said Taxon as he poured cider in two large cups.  
''Is he still working there? I thought The Beast followers were gone now'' Fen said, smiling as she accepted the cup he gave her. 

They clung their drink together, taking a moment to sip and enjoy the sparkling apple taste floating on their tongues.

''They were gone for awhile'' said the dryad as the sat down at the table. ''But presumably, a small group came back. I think He expects people, they are guarding the Earth fountain closely. And the Library entrance.''

Honestly, Fen was not sure to understand what was the Neitherlands. A satyr had explained to her at one of the FU meetings that it was the link between all the worlds but the fact that it had fountains and library was too confusing and abstract for her to understand. The only information she allowed herself to gather was that The Beast expected some Child of Earth to come soon. 

Suddenly her appetite was gone. 

''Oy, put back that smile on your face. '' Taxon said. '' Time between worlds is so different that I am not sure even the Watcher Woman can understand it. Last Gwendall was gone, for us, it was half a year, and for him, it had been almost three. One time he said he was in there for a week, it had merely been hours for us. So gods know how it works. ''   
''And this is why I keep away from horomancy books'' Fen laugh, trying to convince herself that he might be right and, she might never see the Child of Earth come here if ever they survive their encounter.   
''Yes, stick to your pins and needles. '' He teased and laughed even more when she threw a piece of bread at him.

The dinner evolved into a lovely evening, and Fen had managed to dig in the back of her pantry some floral tea that she knew her friend liked. She was making boiling some water over the fire while he was cleaning the dishes despite her many attempts at making him stop. 

''I got to see Dean Paven last week, they officially closing the school. '' She said, leaning on the counter while he was scrubbing a plate. She was not sure if it was her imagination, but the vine that was around his biceps seemed to lose their color as his eyes darted to her.   
''I heard form Badek that they were having a hard time filling the gap when a student left. He wrote me a couple of moons ago, didn't it took almost half a year to replace you? And by that time he and Kay were gone. ''   
''Yes. '' She sighed, deciding to take a towel and dry the plate he just finished to clean ''And when they find someone, most of the time they don't want to spend their time at school when they struggle to survive you know? '' 

Taxon noded, his vine leafs turning gray. She felt terrible, but it was the kind of news that could only be honestly touched someone that had spent time there. She could tell Olive or her family, even Bayler, about it. But they wouldn't understand the wonder of the place nor how life changing this place was. Not only it made you the best at what you study, but it makes you think and try to push you to achieve greatness. Did she have to learn to speak two languages and knew Fillory's monarchy history on the tip of her finger? No. But it became somewhat useful in conversation with other species or when talking about politics. They didn't only make her a pretty face to marry a king. They made her a future consort that would help the next High King to do what was best for Fillory. 

And now the school was closing. 

''She said it's not permanent. '' She continued. ''But between you and I, until the kingdom has food and security, I do not think we will see it open. ''   
''Do you think the FU should try and help recruits?'' Her friend asked as he finished to clean the last dish.  
''We are already spreading thin as it was. Between patrolling the borders of Loria, helping farmers and defending villages against the followers of The Beast, we barely have the manpower to recruit new members. The last one we got joined because we'd save them and felt like they had debt. ''  
''It feels like the more we grow, the less effective we are becoming. ''   
''I think so too, we should regroup and focus on one action instead of spreading and try to fix everything. Because right now what we are fixing might come back. ''   
''That's why I came here. '' Taxon admitted, following her as she was getting the hot water out of the fire and starting to make tea. He sat at the kitchen table, and Fen felt terrible not to have any sweets to suggest him to have as a desert. ''Bayler wanted an account of what is happening up north, and it's not good. I felt I had to tell him in person that his idea of protecting Fillory from Loria had us work the impossible with the number of men we have. The frontier is gigantic, and we are only a dozen. ''  
''If there is someone he will listen, it's you. Tell him. It's for the best. '' 

That night, after having made a bed on her couch for Taxon, Fen had retreated into her room when she took the time to pray. People might think they were gone and had abandoned Fillory, but she genuinely believes that their silence was not on purpose. And if she was talking to the void, well it felt nice to acknowledge her fear about her effort with the FU fighter not helping anyone, about the TreeSchool closing and mostly, her deep anxiety about the potential Child of Earth walking between worlds.


	35. Thirty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High Town isn't safe anymore

The fire had started near The Sailors and, by the time Fen heard the emergency bell ring, the place was now swallowed with fire and stretching to the building next to it. When she arrives at the area, seeing if they needed help, she noticed a crowd fleeing that was way bigger than the patrons of the Inn and the shops next to it; something was wrong. 

That's when she saw them, five cloaked figure throwing a fireball to the nearby Oyster shop, making the fire bigger and spreading faster. Someone tried to stop them and, with the slice of a blade she hasn't seen, the head was now rolling on the floor, and more people were fleeing.

''It's The Beast! '' She heard a woman scream, grabbing a man arm and pulling him away. ''It's follower, we have to leave! Now'' 

Snapping out of her surprise, Fen ran toward the crowd and started to tell people to go up north and call the guards, hoping anyone could stop the mercenaries. That's when she saw Bayler yelling to people near the marina to flee to a pathway that was circling the town and would be safer. A woman had fallen on the floor, and Fen rushed to help her up before the crowd overtook her and hurt her. 

Watching the fear on people's face and the flame licking up the sky, Fen got frustrated that she didn't have any magic to help. This was the first time it ever happened to her. Deciding not to dwell on self-pity in this moment of crisis, she lifted her dress and started to run toward Bayler knowing he would tell her where she could help best. 

''Fen'' A voice cried from her left, making her stop her run.   
''Olive! What are you doing here?'' Fen exclaimed as her friend rushed toward her. She'd put her hair in a bun, and the determination in her face calmed her; at least not everyone was taken by panic. Still, her house was far from the fire, and she should focus on saving herself instead of running here. '' Be in safety.''   
''Then you come too. '' Olive said, grabbing Fen's wrist with force. ''We can't do anything, the fire is catching too quickly, the guards are too far to come fast, we have to flee!''

How can the guard be far? Wasn't Hightown the most protected safest city in Fillory? Or was it another white lie the citizen like to tell themselves to sleep at night. Her anger made her shook her head and tried to get out of her friend's grip.   
''I can't! Some people need help!'' She said, showing the scene in front of them. Dyriads and water spirit had started to gather around the fire to stop it while anyone that could carry a bucket was doing a line from the water to the nearest building. Their combined effort was somehow working, yet was minimal. When one house was extinct, two other had taken flames.   
''Then let me help too'' Olive snapped crossing her arm.

Both girls looked at each other, knowing fully that both would not back down on their wish. One of their quality was to be stubborn, but at the moment, they were butting head instead of helping. Fen sigh, knowing that she was the one who had to capitulate; Olive was her person, and even if she said she'd go to safety, she would end up back in action again. The young girl tried not to let fear froze her heart as she had the awful thought that she was not ready to lose someone. Not again.

''Go to the school on the second street'' Fen finally said, trying to find something that would make Olive work and yet be far from the danger'' make sure the kids are out of the town limit.''   
''I'll be at the blooming meadow. '' Olive agreed. ''Be safe. ''   
''You too.'' 

Both girls grabbed each other's hand and pressed them tightly for a moment before running in the opposite direction. It's with horror that she realized that Bayler, Taxon, and other men were fighting the followers of The Beast while trying to protect the remaining effort to snuff this impossibly large fire. Guard had started to arrive and gave a hand in combat and it was taming the flames, but it was too little too late; at this rate, the whole time will be ashes by night. 

A guard rushed toward her and blocked with his sword what would have been a deadly blow to her neck. Gasping, Fen back down and watch with horror the man who saves her life by losing the battle, getting a fatal stab in his back. He looked at her as the sword piece him from back to chest, his eyes losing their light every second. His weapon dropped, he coughs blood on her and fell on the ground. 

Fen felt tears streaming down her cheek as she lowered herself to grab the dead's man sword, the other man before her laughing as she put her stance as Alistair had shown her. She always loves training with weapons. But handling them in a fight was another thing. She started to smell the different iron sent of blood on her and had to try hard not to go back into her memory, into her mother's death. By the gods, she only felt like vomiting. 

''Look at that, a little girl wanting to be a big man.'' Teased the blond and white streaked hair man, taking a step forward for every step back she took '' Put that down sweat heart you'll hurt yourself. '' 

Without waiting, he swung his sword toward her and her arm raised as a reflex of her hours of training with her brother; she'd stop his blow with her borrowed sword. Fen was not sure if he was more surprised than she was at this turn of event, but she felt courage bubbling inside her chest. Adrenaline made her stop his strike and even strike back, trying to injure him enough that he couldn't do any more damage to the town. She knew she could not hold that stance forever and she will soon tire, making him take control. But that was a worry for later; now she was only focusing on the unshaven men, trying to do her best to protect herself. 

He was gaining strength over her and Fen knew that within minutes she would be dead. He'd manage to scape part of her arm and tore her dress, but nothing major. Anyhow, she'd decided she'd fall instead while batteling than die without trying. Fillory was her home and no one, no Beast was allowed to destroy it that way. Inrage, she strikes against him and, to her dismay, the man flew ten feet into the air before falling to the ground. The cracking sound was scary enough that she was sure he would have multiple bones broken. 

Fen knew she didn't do it. This was magic, and she had none. She turned to see her savior and saw Taxon, a few feet behind her, his hand extended toward where the man had been. She lowered her weapon and walked toward him, realizing that her tear had dried during the battle. 

''Thank you. '' She said, not knowing what else to say.  
''Are you alright? '' He asked, visibly worried.

She nodded to reassure him; thank to her brother no deathly blow had hit her. Thank the Gods she didn't have a skilled opponent. 

''We are driving back to the marina. '' Taxon said, pointing to the fight. ''You should....''

Her friend stops talking as he looked over her shoulder. Worried, she follows too and saw with horror that the flame was everywhere around them, dozens of bodies were on the ground, people were screaming and crying. 

''The emporium!'' Said Taxon, the green of his cheeks paling. 

Fen's heart dropped. It was not the scene that horrified her friend, but the fact that the flames were a few houses away from the shop where many magical items and potion were sold. But mostly, a lot of powder that could explode in contact of fire. She had been in enough theoretical magic class to know that you never want a house full of magic being eaten by flame. 

''No no no no no'' She gasp, fear in her heart. The place could create such an explosion that it could kill people that were far from it. 

Taxon, sensing her panic, took her by the shoulder and made her focus into his green eyes. She blinked a few time, trying to be back into the present and not petrified. 

''I am going to see Bayler, warn him and try to drive the fight away from there. '' He said in a deep voice. '' Hide. Now!''

Fen realizes that hiding would be the best option. But she didn't know if Olive was far enough, and from what she could see, there were still people trying to salvage their goods from houses that were not touched. They needed to flee as much as her.

''I'm taking care of it, get those assholes out of the town. '' She said as they both parted in a different direction. 

Making a prayer to the Gods, hoping that they were listening for once, Fen rush toward the emporium and started to yell at anyone she could see to leave and that the emporium will create an explosion. If young peoples didn't understand, the older ones did, and quickly the word spread that they needed to get far and fast. 

She helped an elder woman to get into a makeshift cart his son had made so he could wheel her faster than she could walk. People started to push each other, she saw a man falling on the ground and his neck being broken by the crowd overwhelmingly stepping on him. Shivering with horror, she helped people clear away through a small alley that was leading to a further street and continue to yell at people to leave as fast as the could. 

The smell was a mixture of the burning homes and magical things in fire and Fen understood that it was too little too late; the emporium was not the prey of the light. Cursing with every foul name she knew, she started to run, knowing that she did her best to save people, but she needed to be in safety. As she was about to turn into the street leading the fastest to the door of the town, she stops her track suddenly, making the men behind her curse as he shoved her out of the way, causing her wounded arm sting. But she didn't care

Between two barrel of more or less good apples, a little boy was hiding, his small body curled like a ball, visibly crying and afraid. He was not the merchant son and yet, he found this place to hide? Who was he? Mostly where were his parents? Fen approached him, and he backed away, his head bleeding from the side, probably due to one of the followers of The Beast or the chaos they produce

''Hey, hey it's okay. I am afraid too. ''She said, feeling weirdly relieved to admit out loud how frightened she was. The little boy looked at her, trying to asses if she was a good person or not. His absence of reaction seemed encouraging. ''Why don't we leave together? I am going out of the walls of the town. We will be safer there. '' 

As she was reaching for his hand, him reluctantly taking it, the explosion happens. By pure instinct, Fen took the boy in her arm and shielded him of whatever could hit them; they were only a few blocks away from it, and the distance was not enough. Already, they could hear debris falling around them. The barrel between them exploded and threw Fen over him even more, wind knock down of her lung. The little boy hid his face into her chest and started to cry louder while Fen holds him tighter, hurting and yet knowing she needed to continue. She took three deep breath to feel something into her lung and hugged one more the little boy before saying. 

''We have to go, it might explode again. '' 

She had said this to reassure him but had led to the opposite reaction. The little boy clutched her body, even more, crying with terror. She knew she didn't have another choice to carry him. He was five at the most so she could do it for a small distance. Plus, she was going on adrenaline, who knew what her body could endure. 

After securing him in a better position and reassuring him that he could hold her as tight as he wanted, Fen started to run, zigzagging between blocks of concretes that were most likely walls, saw a crowd forming toward the main city gate and decided to run on a smaller street to the north were she knew the gardens were leading outside. Technically those garden were private propriety, but at the moment, it was the least of her problem. Some people seemed to have had the same idea, but the place was less crowded and made their run much more accessible. 

With wide eyes, probably seeing that she was carrying a child, people let her pass as she was nearing the exit of the city and seeing the forest felt like a safe haven. It probably wasn't, but it felt way more safe than the city at the moment. She pushed away her fear for her friends, still fighting and stop running, entirely out of breath. She must have pushed herself a bit too much because she was starting to see blurry on the hedge. 

Olive had told her she would be at the blooming meadow so this is where she was going. It was a few minutes of walk, but the sacred place would feel welcome. Many people were staying near the walls, crying or wondering what to do, while others seemed to have gathered in small groups here and there between the trees. The little boy had stopped crying now, and his nail had stopped digging into her neck. Maybe he too felt safer. 

''Paccin! '' Cried a woman voice on her left as a large man and woman rushed toward her. There were three kids near a tree where they were a few seconds ago, all shaking from fear but out of arms.

''Mama!'' Cried the little boy and nearly jumped out of Fen's arm to go into his mothers. Fen thanked the Gods that she put his parent into her path. Her arm was sore from holding him, and she wouldn't have known what to do once in a safe distance from the city. 

''Thank you miss; we noticed too late that he didn't follow us when we left the house. They wouldn't let me it and...the explosion you know. '' 

The father who was shaking her hand was shaken up, but Fen tried a smile. It was hard to do but necessary. In those dark hours, it was essential to accept gratitude and goodness. There was enough bad emotion happening, a bit of rest was welcome. 

''Don't you worry, the moment I saw him I knew he needed his parents. '' She said smiling. As she was bowing slightly indicating her leave, the large men frown and put a hand around her wrist. 

'' Where are you going? '' He said, visibly surprised.   
''I need to see if a friend got to a meeting spot, I will be fine. '' She said, surprised by the gesture and his tone of voice. The adrenaline was starting to pull out, but she knew she could walk toward the meadow without a problem. Even with her blurry vision. She could do that walk her eyes closed.  
''I don't think it's a good idea... ''  
''I'm going at the meadow it's a few...''  
''Miss, you are bleeding and... by the gods you are hurt. '' 

As she saw the men eyes widen, Fen tried to look over her shoulder to see what he was seeing. But with no success. Something might have hit her during the explosion, but she had been able to run until here, it mustn't be as bad as he was making it. 

''Is there a healer around here?'' Bellowed the man to the surrounding groups.   
''I'm fine, really'' She said as she tried to pull away from the man. 

Some people got closer to see what was happening and she heard a gasp and another cry for a healer. But Fen didn't care. She could walk so she will go to the meadow, then she will see what was wrong. Managing to get out of the man grip, she turned toward the road, not looking at the half dozen people around her. 

After two steps, her eyes rolled back, a high burst of fever took upon her, and she fell on the ground. The only reason why she didn't hit her head on a rock was the large man's arm grabbing her at the last minute. The last thing she heard before losing consciousness was four terrifying words. 

''There's so much blood.''


	36. Thirty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after Fen passed out

When Fen opened her eyes, she had expected bright flashes and the smell of fire and wood. Instead, there was barely any light, and it smells like cinnamon. Confused, she tried to move, and her whole body protested in a wave of pain that makes her groan a curse and close her eyes. She'd barely tried to understand what happened. Her head was pounding, she was in pain, and she was thirsty. The muffled sound in her ears must be someone talking, but she couldn't understand anything. The person had put a cloth of fresh water on her head, and she realized she was high with fever. 

She tried to go back asleep but instead, stayed in a state not awake yet not sleeping. In a limbo where everything was hot, wet and any movement felt like needles piercing her skin. She even smells the too distinct odor of blood and didn't feel her stomach lurching and making her sick. Her mind was too foggy to have any reminiscence. She only drifted back to sleep when she felt the warmth of a fireplace being lit, the crackling sound of the fire and the wood soothing her to nothingness. 

When she woke up a second time, the mist had lifted, but her body still felt heavy. At least, she didn't feel like having a fever anymore, which was a victory in itself. Her throat felt like sand, and she was starving, but all she could do was open her eyes slowly and turn her head slowly before getting dizzy.

It took her a few seconds and many rapid blinks to realize that she was in her room at her father's house, tucked under blankets, her bird signing happily in his cage. There was never a door on it so, the moment she moved, he flew near her and looked at her intensely. Once again, she was amazed by the intelligence of those creature deemed not good enough to be fully recognized. 

''Hey. '' She croaked, her voice breaking in the sound and her throat feeling like fire. She started to cough slightly, and the red bird sang a high note before flapping its wing. She stroke lightly his feather twice before it flew away, the window already open for him. 

She heard someone running into the stairs, and she slowly turned her head toward the door to see who was so frantically rushing toward her. A sincere and loving grin spread on her face when she saw Olive, dressed in simple pants and shirt, rushing toward her bed and sitting next to her. 

''By the Gods and all that is good, Fen I am so glad to see your eyes open. '' She said, putting a hand on her forehead. The way it felt cold against her skin made her think maybe she was still feverish after all. 

''How long I've been asleep? '' She asks after a few another cough.   
''About three days, the healer had to put you into a magical sleep, and he told us it would wear off with time, but still, we were worried. 

Questions started to swim into her mind, and she felt more awake. She remembered the fire, the explosion, taking a small boy in her arm. Then it was mostly fuzzy, but she remembered that she had wanted to see Olive. 

''Here, let me help you'' Said her friend gently seeing that she wanted to sit up. The sharp pain it gave her to make that simple gesture went from her shoulder blade to her hips, and she gasped, surprised by the burning sensation around her spine. 

Before she had open her mouth, Olive had forced a glass of water into her hand and moved her to drink. Despite being thirsty, it felt like putting a puddle of water into a desert; the moment the liquid was gone, the soreness came back, asking for more. 

''You must have tons of question. Don't worry, I'll answer. I'll... Hold on don't move. '' 

Before Fen could do anything, Olive bounced on her feet and darted away from the room, the empty glass in her hand. The young girl laughed a bit and hissed when her right side gave her another sensation of needles into every nerve or her being. She pulled the cover a bit more from here and pulled up her nightshirt -it was one of the old things she'd left here before leaving- and saw with horror a large piece of cloth over her skin, dark red blood soaking it. Swearing with all the curse words she knew she closed her eyes, trying to remember what could have caused this and didn't recognize any injury but the small cut from the sword fight. Yes there, on her right arm, a wound was still visible yet not covered with anything; this was healed by magic, she only saw the tiniest scar. 

''It opened again? '' Olive voice made Fen open her eyes and lower down her shirt, blushing slightly. Her friend was giving her a glass full of water, a pitcher full of it was now on her nightstand. ''I'll send a message to the healer, he told us if the normal method doesn't work he will cast a healing spell, he didn't want to overcharge you with magic while you were out. '' 

There was no such thing as overcharging someone with magic. If anything Fillory was made of magic, so any Fillorian should be able to endure it. Most likely, the explosion had wounded many people and the healer needed to keep his magical strength for something bigger, for someone else. So as dire as the bandage looked, it mustn't be as terrible as it felt. 

''How are you?'' Olive asked as she sat on the chair next to the bed, visibly someone has been watching over here for hours.   
''I'm fine. ''She said dismissing her pain because there were more urgent things. At least for her. But Olive didn't seem to agree and frown. ''Look I just.. what happens? I remember the explosion and holding a child.. is he okay? What happen?'' 

Olive pursed her lips, visibly torn between focusing on her health and answering her question. Fen gave her time and drank again. Her friend didn't even wait for her glass to be empty to fill it again. 

''Drink slowly, your stomach must be empty. '' Olive said calmly before rubbing her neck. ''It's complicated but long story short, you were going to find me, and the boy's family saw you with him. The moment he was out of your arm you passed out. You... you almost died Fen. '' 

Olive looked up at her, and her eyes were full of tears and fear. Fen felt herself paling even more than she was; had she been that close to death?

''Oh...'' She said, unsure of what to say but not expecting that. Yes, she understood now that she got hurt badly, more than she felt on the moment. Adrenaline and fear must have been the reason for it. But almost died?   
''You just... there was a lot of blood. Your brother says you must have been close from a barrel or the carpenter's shop. There was this big thick piece of wood on your side. It cracked your rib and cut deep, and when you passed out they tried to pull it out, and the blood leaking got worse. Thank the Gods there was a healer not far from you; you wouldn't have made it. ''

Fen put her hand over her wound, feeling the cloth and now understanding the pain in her chest when she breathed. 

''Well I am not sure he was a healer, but he knew how to close you up long enough to send you to a made up hospital in a barn not far from there. The father of the kid knew you wanted to see me, you must have told him, and where I was, I don't know, but he came and told me what happen. So I let the kids with the teacher and ran to find you. '' 

Fen drank, slowly ask she was instructed too, trying to remember any of this but she must have been into a magic sleep already. None of it was familiar, despite having been in other's care. Her hand felt moist, and she felt her heart racing as images of the explosion and the fire came to her mind. She put her glass of water down, feeling nauseous. 

''Your mother? '' She managed to ask in a shaking voice, feeling a wave of fear for Avah, Taxon, Bayler and all the others that stayed and fought.   
''She is good. She was one of the first to leave the town, so she took over and made sure a place for wounded was found and that people were far away from the town. Many people owe their lives to her. When she saw me next to you in the barn, I swear she fell on the ground and held me and started to cry. I've never seen her like that. Must have brought back memories from dad and what happened in Loria.''

By the Gods, if Fen heart were not ready to explode, it would have been by now. As strict and unconcern she could be, she was still a mother who had seen the worst happen to her family and might have lost her daughter in a second tragedy that made her lost her home again. Maybe this awful tragedy would bring mother and daughter closer by now, that would be an incredible blessing. 

''The people of Whitespire came when they saw what happen, they help with the followers of The Beast and to make the guard that was left extinguish the fires. It took hours, and someplace they just waited for the flames to die from itself; the whole town is gone now. '' 

How could Olive give good news then throw bad news like that, without feeling shattered? Fen felt all her joy being sucked by every word her friend was saying. A whole town had been destroyed in a few minutes. This was The Beast reminding them that he was still there and still powerful. Attacking the district with the emporium was too smart not to be a plan of his. 

''Why were the guards so far? Usual they are overwhelmingly present in the marina. '' Fen asked, unable to stop the question to go back from her brain. She remembered having found this situation odd. Another nausea got to her when she remembered the guard dying in front of her, his blood spilling on her dress. Olive took a bowl that was on the ground and put it on her lap. 

''Here, if you get sick do it there, you are in no shape to run to the bathroom. '' She said with a sad smile. ''Do you want me to stop? ''

''No! I..I want to know.'' Fen said, clutching the bowl, not risking any more water despite her throat screaming for it. 

''Your brother told me that there was an attack at the TreeSchool, that's where the guards were 'cause.... you know it's the TreeSchool you don't touch that. It was a diversion so they could have the marina wide open to attack. ''

''Do you know what happens to the school?'' 

Olive shook her head, visibly sorry not to have every answer. As if she was not doing a wonder right now by retelling the gaps she'd miss. Fen took her friend's hand, and both squeezed it, needing the other's touch. 

''Bayler and your friend Taxon were looking for you and 'ma took care of them. I think it's them that went to warn your brother and your dad. Anyway, a few hours after, they were there, and I ended up helping people as much as I could. Maybe neighboring town opens their house for people without a house. Anyone with magic power strong enough put wards around the nearby cities. I think it's the first time I saw people put aside their status or rank in the nobility; everyone was working together you know? It was tragically beautiful.''

Fen barely listen for the next few second, happiness and relief washing over her when she heard that Bayler and Taxon were not only alive but well enough to walk around to find her. The moment she could write to them, she would. 

''.... brought you home. '' Said Olive, not having notice Fen head wandering for a moment. The girl blushed and focused on her friend story. ''The only thing you needed to do after that was to heal. 'Ma told me to go with them if I wanted, she stayed to help people. Now I think Lady Abigail invited to her stay in the castle for a while, as a thank you for that. ''

She would have to write to Avah and Lady Abigail as well. 

'' When you....''

Olive stopped talking when the door of the room opened suddenly, Alistair and Emlyn looking at Fen, breathless. Both brothers rushed toward their sister who had to gently tell them she was still hurting for them stopping to hug her. Her father arrived a few minutes later, holding her loyal red bird. Once in its cage, the bird went to drink and looked at her with pride. Clearly, he had been told to warn her family when she was awake. 

Fen notices Olive slowly leaving the room, a small smile on her lips. She looked at the three men that were now sitting at her bed, saying how worry they have been and other small talks. After all the things Olive had told her, Fen felt her head full and starting to hurt. It was noticed by her father who tucked her in and ordered her brother to leave. She fell asleep before the door closed.


	37. Thirty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen is healing

The healer came the day after, as Olive had promise, while Emlyn was gone for the morning to see his family and her father was sleeping after a night watching over her. Fen worried about him, but when she expressed his concern, he laughed it off saying that, for once, she should focus her worry on herself. Maybe he was right. Perhaps she should concentrate on healing. That way the worry lines and hollow eyes she saw around her would fade away. She hated to be the cause of such distress and only wish there was a magical spell that could fix it. 

''Not a wound this deep, it wouldn't heal inside. '' Said the healer, a middle age man a bit younger than his father, but his hair much more white and deep shadow under his eyes; the past days haven't been kind to him and using his power on so many people much drain him even more. 

The man had just finished to stitched her side wound with enchanted tread and was now pressing his hand around it, muttering an incantation that made her skin feel warm and sparkling. The numbing paste he'd put on her must start to wear off. 

''Thank you very much for coming on such short notice'' Fen said, hating that it sounded more rehearsed that if felt. She was grateful for his help.  
''I am glad you didn't wait, it could have infected, and healing would have been harder. ''

The man gave her a warm smile that made her think of her father, there was something paternal and gentle in it, and she could not help to smile back. 

''Now you must rest as much as you can and do not stand up more than you should. The more you stay in bed, the better it would be. '' He said, wiping his hand on a towel next to him and starting to pack his tools. ''Send me a message if something reopens or you experience pain. Otherwise, I will come at the end of the week to see how it goes. '' 

The idea of spending a week in bed should have delighted her, but it didn't. She felt restless. She needed to help as much as she could. People were in need of a home, food, and many more things. While her family and the Fu Fighters were actively doing something. And here she was reading novels between hour longs nap.   
Once the healer was gone, Alistair entered her room with a bowl of warm soup and some bread. She'd smell the dough baking all , and the idea of bitting in it made her mouth water. 

''I know it is frustrating. '' Alistair said once she'd complain of her feeling of being useless in this time of crisis. Her brother only had smile amused at her. Which made her irritated even more. ''But you could still help, it's not because you are out of the field of action that you are useless. '' 

He pulled out from his pocket a piece of paper with names and their influence in Fillory and Loria. Fen frown, reading of the many names she did meet in High Town or have heard during soirées. The lorian one tough were brand new to her. 

'' Bayler think you could write to them and ask for their help. With money or their estate or anything. You know more what to ask of them than we do. '' Alistair said with a small smile, Fen gave it back. It was a small consolation than actively doing something, but if it made someone open its door or buy food for others, it would be worth it. ''I'll bring you ink and paper this afternoon. '' 

Alistair tucked the names under the book on her nightstand and Fen understood that this was more of Fu Fighter action that a simple citizen of Fillory. This was the organization using every contact they had to make the loss of High Town less of a tragedy that it was. 

''Do you think I could come and eat downstairs for dinner?'' Fen asks, squeezing her brother's hand in a silent thank you. He squeezed it back strongly and didn't let her hand go. The fact that even Emlyn had stayed shown how close she had been of dying. ''I'd like to see the kids a bit. '' 

''I'll make it happen. '' Assured Alistair with a smile. Then he frowns when he saw Fen puzzled expression. ''Dad is... hm... Just be ready. I think he thought you were gone and something broke inside again. The way he talks, Em and I don't like it. He seems a bit too.... possessive. We'll try to talk to him but don't be surprise alright? ''

Something broke inside him.... again. Fen felt the few colors she had drained of her face as her heart shattered. She couldn't help the tear swell into her eyes as her finger clutched the sheets. All those nights where he wouldn't do anything but stare at the fire, all those responsibilities she had to do at a too young age because otherwise she wouldn't have eaten or got clothes, all the hunger, and the despair. She thought that it was gone now. Her finding the blade and putting back a bit of hope in his heart had revived his will to be a father. She couldn't go to take care of him as she had before.

''I can't have him back to how he was Al'. I just can't. '' 

''I know. '' Alistair said, kissing her head and getting up. '' Me neither. '' 

Emlyn left the day after, having heard good news from the healer and know his help here was not needed. Fen had convinced him and Winriel to go since she knew that without his smith shop open and her many outfit order not taken care of, they would soon see the lack of money as a problem. With their two kids at such a young age, it was crucial for her that they took care of their family before her. They only agreed when Olive promises to send a bird if anything would happen. Her friend had been their unofficial nanny for the days they were around at their great delight. Elias only accepted to leave when he saw Fen putting the picture he drew for her over her nightstand, where she could see it. Seeing them go had made everything bittersweet; what would be her odds of having a husband and family so complete. 

Olive left two days after when Fen visibly started to get better, and they got an owl from her mother asking her to go to Whitespire. A summons to the castle by your mother is not something even Olive could dismiss and, with Alistair working in his farm, that's how Fen ended up alone with her father in his house. 

Having had her place for a moment made the return a bit odd, it felt like going back into her progression as the woman she wanted to be. In High Town, she had a small job, a friend she could be with and contact to keep to help the Fu Fighters. Now, she could only stay on her feet long enough to make the next meal before being exhausted and going to rest for an hour or so. Then it was cleaning the dishes and start back for the next meal. She 

She shouldn't complain. Her dad was working all day in his shop to help Emlyn's growing demand of knife for personal protection and other broche and hairpins he'd crafted over the years. His list had been so full that sometime she'd brought him a meal, and he gently scolded her that she should be in bed and now walking around the house, but he could see he liked having her back. 

When the healer came back, he removed his enchanted tread from her skin and, seeing the wound had mostly closed by itself, he uses cold earth smelling paste on it. After a few words in what seemed like old elvish -she recognized a few words but that's it- and there was a small tingling spreading from the side of her body to the tips of her toes. With a smug, the healer had cleaned her out, and the only residue of her almost deadly wound was the tiniest of a scar. 

This was the kind of magic Fen adored to see. Not the one with the flashes and the grandiose explosion. The one that is simple and yet, life-changing. She remembered her first conversation, long ago, with Jane, where she had told her that magic was what you made of it. The man before here had made it an art of healing. 

He'd refuse at first any payment from her, saying it was its duty as a fillorian to help anyone he could. Which made her love him more. 

''I feel foolish to ask after so long, but may I know your name? '' Fen asks, smiling gently and promising herself to go write down his answer in her journal not to forget.   
''Ingman miss, Ripley Ingman. '' He said with a laugh, realizing she might have never heard his name since he'd dealt with her family while she was unconscious. 

Fen shook his hand and made sure some money was in her palm and was transferred to his when they were done. It had been a commonly known practice in High Town to accept bribes. Fen always swore to herself that if she used that trick, it would be to give, never to take. 

'' Well mister Ingman, I can't let you go without pay. It wouldn't be right, especially when you are probably traveling all over the countryside and it must cost you dearly. '' She said, seeing the older man looking at the gold coin she had given him, surprised by her trick. ''If you do not want it, then give it away, but please let me be grateful in the smallest way I can. '' 

Once again, there was a fatherly warmth in his eyes that spread to his entire face. Fen was sure he had a family and kids, she couldn't say why. 

''Thank you Me' lady. '' He said, pocketing the coin in his pocket. Fen felt relieved she didn't have to press the issue more. 

The only reason Fen's father agreed for her to leave the house and the protection of the ward had been because she was to have dinner at Alistair. Like he could do anything if The Beast would attack. Not that she complained, he wouldn't let her fetch herbs and berries further than the edge of the forest, which had led to an irritated and harsh discussion between father and daughter. 

Alistair had come to the rescue suggesting dinner and sleepover that was, in fact, a disguise for the next FU Fighter meeting. Since apparently, she wouldn't be able to go anywhere, he convinced the leaders to do it at his house. And with the recent attack on High Town, they all wanted to change location for a while; having set a semi-permanent meeting point at The Sailor almost cost them all their leaders in one deathly fire. 

Fen had gladly left her father's house and spent the afternoon cooking and cleaning for the members to arrive. She was more tired than she usually would, but the fact that she only slept half an hour before getting herself ready for the event was quite a small victory for her; she was recovering faster than she'd expected. 

It was with great delight, and surprised, that the number of people was twice the usual number. Not only the people that were supposed to be on a mission came back to the rallying point, but new faces from all age and races. She started to worry she might not have made enough food for everyone, but Alistair laughed it off. 

''You're not in High Town Fen, people don't care about that '' He said grabbing a bowl of her stew. 

She frowned. The fact that she wanted to be an excellent hostess had nothing to do with her being with people of power or not! It was merely polite and, especially for the new members, a way to welcome people and made them feel home. She took upon herself to scavenge her brother's pantry and prepare sandwiches and cut vegetable, just in case her main course was not enough. When a carrot flew into the wall after cutting it in half, Fen realized that she was putting too much force in her knife and she was angry.

Angry at her father to treat her like she was eleven, mad at Alistair that was seeing her effort as being something futile and pompous. She was mad that Jane never answers one of her letters in years. She was angry that one again, The Beast attack had ruin part of her life. She was mad at life that never seems to catch her a break.

She put down her knife, her hand shaking, leaned in the counter and close her eyes. Trying to drown out the conversation in the other room, she took deep breaths, letting herself be angry then letting go of that emotion. When she felt calmer and that all that negative thinking was not tainting her though, she promised herself to take a moment for herself soon and explore this. But this was not the time or the place. When she opened her eyes, Olive was leaning on the counter on the opposing side, bitting into the carrot half that hadn't flown away, an amused smile on her lips. 

''Olive?!'' She exclaims, rushing into her friend's arm and hugging her strongly. She'd been gone only a few days, and still, it felt like years.   
''Alistair has great arguments, what can I say'' her friend laugh, hugging her back and answering the unspoken question. 

Another thing to be mad about later: putting her friend in danger by making her part of all of this. But that was for later. Now she wanted to focus on the small flame of happiness of seeing Olive and knowing she was safe. 

'' I have a lot of gossips to tell you. '' Olive said, taking the sandwich plate. ''But later, Bayler and Dejan are there, you should come they will start the meeting soon. ''


	38. INTERLUDE IV

_59th day of spring – Royalless Year 37_

_There is so much to say, so much emotion felt, that I don't know where to start or how to handle them. I think the whole world is swallowing me only to spit me back a bit more breathless and angry than before. And I hate having these emotions, especially toward my family._

_Dad is now treating me like a broken doll which enrages me because if he'd seen me during the destruction of High Town, he'd knew how strong I was. I would gladly have had a thousand more injuries if it meant that I save that boys life. And yet, papa only see the wound, not the healing. Why does he treat me like that when I don't need it anymore. This too little too late attitude makes me resent his years of being a ghost to my care. Which is selfish and unkind. But it is there, and I will have to address it soon enough._

_Sometimes I regret that I found that blade. Yes, it changed my life and made me a better and more educated person that I could ever wish for. But I will never know what it is not to fear your future and to welcome new relation in your life. (Speaking of, Dejan stayed and slept in Alistair's room tonight. AH! )_

_Oh, Gods my brother...he's the one that had talked Olive into being a FU Fighter. Which should delight me but in fact it terrifies me. I now understand his reaction when I first joined the group; why putting someone that is perfectly safe and don't have to worry in so much trouble and danger. And I guess the same answer for me is the same answer for Olive: because we love Fillory, because it needs to change because we are tired of bowing to fear and despair._

_Through our actions after the destruction of High Town and efforts of everyone, many have now heard of the FU. We got many more people ready to join the cause after seeing how quickly anyone can lose everything. Olive told me that what convinced her to come to the meeting was one of the letters I wrote to her mother asking if she had connexion in Loria we could use to shelter people. I guess she saw that without being a fighter on the front line with sword and spells in hand, we can still help as much as we can. Dejan said my letter had an incredible effect as well for the rescue effort and honestly, I take great pride in this._

_How can one feel joy, sorry, anger, regret, pride, and resentment and not feel like one's heart is about to explode? This, I have no answer to give._


	39. Thirty-Four

What was day became weeks, and what was weeks became months. Spring was long past, and summer was warming Fillory at it's finest. Fen was still living with her father. Avah had invited her to Whitespire, but she couldn't know how much she tried not to go there if she didn't have to. She always tried not to think of the royal castle as a place to live, because it might be her fate to live there sooner or later. Hopefully later. 

She tried to convince her father that she was safe, that nothing could have protected her in High Town. She doubted even the wards Jane had put over their house could have done anything. He started to agree to send her into errands or see Alistair only because the massive amount of people fleeing to Brighthaven after they'd lost their home, meant a lot more work for Winriel and Emlyn. She was allowed to deliver what her father had forged, and she'd sew. But only if Parker was going by with his cart or Alistair could leave the farm for a few hours. She threw a tantrum when he told her he wanted her back before the moon was high in the sky, but in the end, she had to agree to his term; it was better having a curfew than staying home. 

The few pounds she'd gain melted away after coming back to the unfortunate diet of the small meals and few sustainable dishes she could do. Meats had become almost impossible to buy, their chicken couldn't lay enough egg for their daily needs, and she only could get a better ration of bread, vegetables, and other provision when she went to Brighthaven once a week.

But what broke her heart in all of this, was the fact that she knew her father was eating more and healthier meal now than when she had been gone. For so many years she'd taken care of both of them that she couldn't help to feel guilty in her desire to leave the house. He needed her more than she needed him. It was always the case. It seems real more than ever. She knew his actions were part of a traumatic event of losing his wife and thinking for a moment that his kids were gone too. She knew that he was irrational and that even him knew it. But the moment where she was not busy was the hardest not to feel trapped and alone. Which lead to the same sad story that had framed her life since she was young; The Beast had taken everything from her and will continue until his death. 

Fen got snapped out from her gloomy thoughts when she heard a knock at the door. Putting down the fabric stitching together, she frowns. No one was expected tonight. Especially that late into the evening! Her dad had been drinking and reading near the fire right after dinner, and it had been at least over an hour from that now. Curious, and a bit scared, she tiptoes to her window and peaked her head outside to see who was at the door. Her eyes widen when she saw Bayler waiting patiently for someone to answer. What in the seven hells was he doing here!

She rushed outside of her room, hearing her father opening the door. She cursed herself for not having answered right away instead of looking into who it was. She tried to find a dozen of excuses why he would be at their door, unable to find the real reason. She stoped herself short in the middle of walking down the stairs when she heard Bayler's voice. 

''In fact, I came to talk to you, sir. '' He said 

His formal tone worried Fen, and she got the feeling that if she showed up, the conversation would end. Slowly, hoping not to fall, she climbed back the stairs and sat at the top of them. Realizing that she was in her nightwear and she almost showed herself like this to the FU Fighter leader, she blushed and tucked her robe a bit more around herself. She barely made a breath, making sure she could hear what was this all about. 

''I am sorry, but I will have to decline'' Said her father, which made her realize she must have missed something while getting back to the shadow.   
''I understand that it might be strange since I am older than her, but I guarantee you that I....''  
''She is promised to someone else. ''   
''Oh I see...''

Fen heart shattered as she understood the meaning. Unable to breathe, she felt herself shivering and her mouth drying; Bayler just asked for her hand. And her father had refused. This felt like the biggest slap in the face she'd ever imagine. Of all the person she knew, Bayler was one of the best prospects of a husband she could ever hope; he had a right place in society, had a job that provided security year round and was one of the leader of a group ready to do anything for Fillory. 

And her father said no. 

She didn't hear the rest of the conversation. Her heartbeat was sounding loud in her ear. She cursed her eleven years old self for having made that promise. When she said, she was ready to marry anyone if it meant making her father happy and her family better, she meant it. But she was eleven. She didn't know anything. She didn't know the sacrifice it would make her have to do. For years she had made them. But this one had been the hardest. The cruelest. This was a good house, a potential family, ripped away, just because she was the price of a broken promise. 

Stifling a sob with her hand, she tried to get up and go back to her room but got tangled into the fabric of her robe and end up sprawled on the floor in the small corridor leading to her room. Unable to pick herself up, taken by a total sense of panic and sorrow, she bites her hand and let herself cry. A hollow pain formed in her chest as she let herself weep. She heard the door opening and closing and her father take a deep sigh. She should get up and pretend nothing happen. But she could not. 

Instead, she got up, warbling on her leg, her cheek wet by her tears and rush to her desk to write a note. A few seconds later it was tied to her bird leg who flew away toward a silhouette in the road that could only be Bayler. 

''Fen'' She heard her father said, as he knocked on her open door. ''We need to talk. '' 

Anger and hurt froze her heard him. She turned to face him, wanting him to see her tears unable to stop, her lips wobbling. She knew that if she'd open the mouth right now, only a sob would come out. It was stuck in her throat. Her father eyes widen, understanding that she knew. That she heard. 

''Get out. '' She managed to say before letting the sob go freely. She closed her eyes, a hand on her mouth, wanting to scream her pain away.   
''Fen I... ''   
'' GET OUT'' She yelled, raising her bloodshot eyes toward him. She hopes he saw all the anger and loathing she was feeling toward him because there was emotion too big to be said. For the second time in her life, she wishes she had magic. She wishes she could throw him away from her room, slam the door and destroyed everything in the place. She wishes she could make the whole house explode with her wounded soul. 

Instead, her father nodded, walk away from her room and closed the door. Instead, she fell on her bed and cried herself to sleep.


	40. Thirty-Five

She woke up by the insistent chirping of her red sparrow. Usually, his musical notes always made her in a good mood but right now, she just wanted to block her eyes and go back to the numbness of dream. There the heartbreak wasn't real nor felt. Opening her eyes, she curses silently when she saw her room still being in the dark; from the absence of light from her window, she knew that it was still night. How long did she sleep? What time was it?

The moment she sat in her bed, trying to open her night lantern and see something, she felt the small bird jumping on her leg and flapping to her lap, visibly wanting to tell her something. When she found matches and lit the candles, she finally saw her faithful friend with a note on his leg. He was extending it so she could get it and guilt washed over her when she realized she just put all her anger toward a creature that was merely doing what it was told. She took the note, caressing the feather of the bird then, before reading anything, she took him in the palm of her hand and escorted them to the birdcage on the other side of her room. He quickly went to the drinking trough, stopping his chirping to focus on his thirst.

Fen went back to her bed, rubbing her eyes that dried out after all those tears. They felt puffy, and they hurt. Another reminder of why she was better asleep. With shaking hands, she unrolled the note that was sent for her; it was the same note she'd sent Bayler, but underneath he'd answer.

_I'll wait in the backwoods if you are not here in an hour I am leaving._

Her blood rose up as she read the words. She'd beg him to let her explain. In her distress, she didn't think he would want an answer now. She thought she would have to see him in Brass City or write to him after her mind was less of a mixture of emotion. But instead, he'd stop his walk home and wanted to talk with her now. It was typical of him. His impatience was one of his most exceptional quality as one of the leaders of the FU Fighter, but sometime could be a burden for others. She needed to take a decision now, and it was easy to make. He would probably never talk to her if she refused his summon now.

She went to her closet and grabbed the first pair of pants and shirt she could find. Usually, they were for house cleaning days, but they would do. She threw a cloak over her, in other to hide it out and to warm up from the freshness of the night. She slipped some worn out shoes and walked out of her room. At the staircase, she took a moment to listen before she slowly started to go down the stairs. There was no light yet, but she still had memories of waking up, so mornings to her father lost in his thoughts in front of a dead fire. It wouldn't be past him to do this tonight. When she could see the other room, she peaked quickly and saw that no one was to be found and she tried to go faster to her escape. Naturally, she ended up walking on the one stair that creaked loudly and almost walked into the bookshelf near the door. But despite her less than grateful breakout, she managed to leave the house without alerting her father.

The moment she hit the silent grass, she started to walk at a pace that seemed more like running, her heart beating in her ear. Anxiety began to rise in her as she wonders what should she say or do to explain her situation. Her brain was trying to find every excuse possible. But in the end, there were only one: the truth. She felt her heart sting as she approached the meeting point.

How could have not noticed anything about Bayler? How couldn't she have known his feelings? Why did she learn them that way? What were her feelings about the whole thing?

She stopped her rapid pace when she saw the backwood edge forming in front of her, bushes and trees illuminated by the moon and one flower species that was phosphorescent at night and seem to cover the ground. Even Bayler silhouette was more apparent than it should, thanks to those natural light. Against a trunk, his arm crossed, looking away. She hated that, for the first time in her life, she noticed how handsome and strong he was.

'' You can come, I won't bite you'' Said Bayler. His voice seemed to express the contrary of what he'd just said, but she listens. Approaching him while he didn't move an inch. It's only when she arrived at his side that he stopped looking at the sky through the branches and looked at her. He was not crying, but his eyes were red and conflicted with emotions. She waited too long a moment to talk and visibly, that irritated him. '' Well, you wanted to explain. Explain. ''  
''I...''

Fen fixed her cape, the voice had left her with all her courage. It probably stayed in her room where she didn't have to hurt someone. She didn't have to see the blame and the hurt his face was conveying.

''How could you never tell me that you were already promised to someone?!'' Bayler exclaimed, impatiently.   
''Because it never came to the discussion?'' She said, taken aback by this question. Of everything, this was the first thing he wondered... ''I am sorry Bayler but usually when we are together it's for the FU Fighters, and the few time it was not about this, it was about how you felt about different people I met in High Town. We never talked about....'

She felt the same anger she'd felt rising at Alistair's a few nights ago. This sense of injustice. She felt more like a pawn in everyone's life than seen as a person. He was no different.

''How could I have known? It is not like you'd try to flirt.''   
''I did'' Bayler said in an incredulous snort. '' But apparently, it went five feet above your head.''

Fen heart clench. All those time Olive pointed out he was courting her, was it not all for show? To cover the fact that they knew each other outside of the gathering they were invited? Had he made his intention clear but she was too blind by her task not to see what was in front of her.

''So who is he?'' He spat, not letting her time to recover or take a breath.

It felt more like he wanted to be mad at her than listen to her. And it was alright. She knew him enough that he would listen when he'll be calmer. But she still promised him , and she came for this. So she started to talk. Telling him the same story she was tired of repeating by now. About her grandfather, about the blade, about her promise to her father. At the end of it, she could see the anger on his face was still there. But instead of betrayal, there was confusion.

''How could you accept such a burden?'' He asks shaking his head, she merely shrugged in return.   
''I was eleven when I said that. And it brought back my father from a dark place in his mind. Did I know the consequence of that promise? No. But I would do it again if it meant getting back part of my family. ''

There was a silence between them, and Fen felt that now she'd said everything she had to, she should leave. Letting him with his reflexion and handling his emotion without spatting them on her. But he surprised her when he grabbed her shoulder gently and pulled her into a hug. She felt her heart explode when she felt him trembling.

''And if he never comes?''   
''Then I still have my brothers and the FU Fighters, and friends. I don't want to be only known for who I marry, that's why I join the force at first. I want to make Fillory better and heal it from The Beast claws. And if it's what I do and do not have a husband, I will still be happy. ''

This was a half-truth. She genuinely wanted to be seen more than a prize to be exchanged, and yes, with or without a king she will try to help her country. But if she were to do it alone, it would be bittersweet. Having nephews and nieces would never compare to be a mother. But this was one of the many sacrifices she knew she had to make.

He released her from the hug, and Fen felt herself wanting more, needing more. Being held while acknowledging her fear was a rarety, she craved without knowing it. Now deprived of it, her body wanted and needed more.

'' Kiss me. '' Bayler finally say, his hand traveling from her shoulder to her cheek, making her whole body shiver. ''If I can't have you, at least let me have your first kiss. ''

Without thinking, without her head letting stop her she leans toward him and kissed him. It was quick and awkward, but if it was the little she could give him, she would. Surprised by her reaction as much as her, he smiles and put his hand that was on her cheek behind her neck, pulling her in a more extended and proper kiss. The kind that you read in a book. She closed her eyes and let his lips guide her into this new territory, and she felt herself clutching his shirt. She was on her , and he lifted her even more as his body leaned on the nearest tree, deepening, even more, their exchange. She barely had time to breathe and felt dizzy but didn't care.

The kiss felt longer than it probably was. And when they parted, she was redface, her lips slightly dry and her heart racing like it never had before. She shivered when his hand went on her waist, pulling her close to him, their foreheads touching.

''Thank you. '' He said in a chocked voice that was more emotional than he probably was.

And instead of saying how sorry she was, she only leaned for another kiss. They shared this intimate moment until the sun announce dawn and they knew she should go back home. If it had been her heart leading and not her head, she would have stayed in his arm and flee into the night, as he'd suggested between two kisses.


	41. Thirty-Six

When she arrived at her house, her father was waiting in her room, sitting in her empty bed. The bottle of liquor he was holding proved that he'd long forgotten about using glass and drank straight through the bottle. She hasn't seen him done that in years. And this was making her more afraid than anything else. 

''Papa'' She said, bracing for him to yell at her and lock her into her into her room until she dies of old age. Instead, he looked up with glossy drunk eyes and put the bottle down. Warbling, he walked toward her and fell into her arm, giving a massive and possessive hug.   
''I thought you'd never came back. '' He sobbed into her arm. 

Surprised, she closed her eyes and hugged him back, trying to carry his weight. When it became too heavy for her, she made him walk toward her bed, and they both sat down. She leaned to hug him again, this time his answer was less excessive. Still extremely possessive now. He started to talk but she silenced him with a small hum, rubbing his back; this was not the first time this situation had to happen. But it was the first time his dad was crying about the present and now because of a ghost of his past. 

''Let's go into your room alright? I'll get water. '' 

Her father nodded because he knew when to listen to her. And when he was drunk and emotive, it was one of those time. She helped him walk downstairs and let him go into his room. She filled a glass full of water and walked to her dad room where he was now lying on his back like she'd ask him to. She put the glass on his nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his hand. 

''Fen I... '''   
'' Papa, please. '' She interrupted into the smallest of voice. She tried not to be overwhelmed by guilt and if he talks she would break down, and they would be both a mess. ''You haven't slept, neither have I. Let's sleep now. We will talk when were are not exhausted, and you are not drunk.'' 

She didn't want it to sound as reproaching , but it did. He squeezed her hand as an apology, and she squeezed his hand back, accepting it. She kissed his forehead and left his room, deciding she too needed water. This was too much. Coming back from a night of embrace to a drunk and broken father made her feel so guilty her stomach hurt. How could she have indulged in such foolish and impossible happiness while putting her father into despair? She'd been selfish and irresponsible. And yet, she knew she would go if it were to be done again. 

When they both woke up, high noon was long past, and the chickens were restless, hungrily waiting to be fed by their owner that had forgotten about them. It was their loud complaints that woke Fen from a dreamless sleep. She didn't even remember falling asleep. It had taken her every effort to undress before crashing into her bed, emotions, and events having burned her out.

So she dressed quickly without brushing her hair and walked directly outside to take care of those poor chickens. She should feel sorry about not having fed them before going to bed at dawn, but she was already dealing with too much emotion on her own to add guilt over it. 

''Honey? '' Her father voice echoed as he opens the door from their house. His worried face relaxed immediately when he saw her storing the chicken food bucket and walk toward him. By the Gods, did he thought she'd flee again? ''I made hot cocoa, can you grab some eggs I'll cook them. '' 

The fact that he uses their rare stock of coco showed Fen how much he knew how yesterday night had been a mess. Coco was usually for royalty or wealthy people who can afford luxury item for their food. The only reason why they had some was that Jane had given her some in her care package before she disappears from her life. Oh how much she missed her mentor. She could use some of her wisdom right now. 

When she arrived in the kitchen, her father was on the stove, preparing their breakfast despite being past that hour. He took the eggs she gave him and with a small smile pointed to the hot cocoa boiling next to him. After the slightest hesitation, she kissed his cheek and took some in a mug before sitting down the table. Hopefully, he didn't saw this fraction of doubt.

'' Do you know why your aunt Lobellia never answered to your letters? '' Her father said after a moment of awkward silence. 

Fen shook her head but realized he couldn't see her since he was cooking so answered ''No.'' 

''She was head over heel about your uncle. Both of them were. And when my dad learned about their affair, he got outraged. He'd put all his hope into her you know? A big fight, and my mom made us leave the house not to hear it, so I don't know what they said words for words. '' 

He put in front of her bread that has been dipped in milk and egg. One of her favorite. He was trying hard to soothe her, and despite her best intention, it was working. She had to remind herself of the anger and frustration she felt yesterday. 

''When we came back, she was gone. I never saw her again after that. '' He continued, sitting in front of her and opening a jar of canned raspberries.   
''You never told me she left because of a fight. I thought it was a spontaneous moment or something. ''   
''Your grand-father had made her an ultimatum; she chooses the family or him. When she made her choice, he told her never to talk to them anymore, and she was not a Demici anymore. It broke your grandma's heart. I've tried too, to write to her I mean. She never answered back. My father had wanted her to be cut from the family, and she did. I don't even know where she lives or if she has kids.''

Fen ate as he told her the full story of her aunt, wondering if yesterday, she understood the impossible choice his father had placed in front of her. 

''When you found the blade... '' He took a moment to drink his mug of cocoa and Fen didn't fill the silence. It felt that he needed to talk and explain more than she did. He knew all about how she felt. ''Let say I had a visit from both your brother. They made me promise that they will support it unless it makes you unhappy. ''

The fact that Emlyn had come to their house meant that both brothers must have had a lengthy conversation before confronting him. It made her heart swell with love for them. Even when she didn't know, they always protected her. 

''Yesterday, I might have broken my promise to them. Of listening to you. I should have talked to you before refusing his offer. '' 

Fen mouth went dry, and it took her all she had to swallow the bite she'd taken. She put down her fork and lowered her eyes, unable to look at him. The memory of how desperate she had felt when she heard the refusal were enough to sadden her all over again. She felt the thick hand of her father take hers, and his warmth gave her enough courage to look up. She was seeing the same pain and regret that she also felt. 

''Do you love him? That Bayler?''

The question surprised her as much as the fact that she never actually asked herself the question. She just spent the night kissing him in the woods and yet, was what she felt toward him was love?

''I don't know. '' She admitted, her voice cracking. Her father squeezed her hand warmly as she clears her throat, her thoughts flying all over her head ''I never... When you know marriage is never an option for you, you don't look for opportunities you know?'' 

He nodded, and she had a sad smile. Yes in High Town there had been handsome boys. But for now, eight years walked the world knowing that she was not available. She'd made a promise to her father and her resolve of seeing him healing had blinded her to any opportunity she might have missed. The fact that Bayler had any interest had been so oblivious to her that his action from yesterday still left her unsettled. 

''and I... I don't know if I love him.'' She admitted, realizing it at the same time. ''I like the idea that someone is interested in me. '' 

She lowered her eyes in shame of this last confession. She had reacted so strongly to the fact that she could be attractive to someone. That she was not forced on someone. That he'd choose her. She liked the idea of being wanted. But this was not love. She saw the way her father talked about their mother, how Emlyn looked at Winriell when she didn't look at him, how Alistair changed around Dejan. That was love. If anything, what she'd had with Bayler yesterday was more of a physical desire than an emotional one. She'd love kissing him and how he'd held her. But the butterflies she read in novels never happened. That moment when you know he's The One when the first kiss happen... It was all in books and nothing like she'd felt yesterday. 

Her father released her hand, and Fen put them against her, feeling her hand tremble with an emotion she was not able to identify. It was not sadness, nor it was anger. Loneliness, maybe. 

''So let me make this promise to you. '' Her father said, making her look up through tears she didn't know she'd had withheld. ''If ever the High King never arrive and you find someone that is in love. Truly. Tell me. And I... I'll give your hand to him. ''   
''Papa!''   
''Don't protest. I know you prepared most of your life to be the wife of the most powerful man in Fillory. But yesterday I almost did the one thing I promised I'd never to do you; to do what my dad did to Lobellia. Never will I make you choose between your duty and your family. And with everything that happens in the past year, I lost sight of that. When I found your bed empty yesterday I....''

Fen wiped her tears, feeling blessed to have a father that was ready to learn from the mistake of his elders. He was not the most perfect that, but he tried to care for her. In his own clumsy way. 

''I thought I'd lost you. That you went away and I... Gods I would have never forgive myself if I was the reason why we never see you again. ''

The rest of the day had this aftertaste of emotional confrontation, and comfort Fen and her father experienced. They ended up doing a few things, mostly enjoying the rest of their coco while talking and holding each other. She fell asleep on his shoulder, while he was reading to her and it felt that, even if her heart was sore, it hurt a little less.


	42. Thirty-Seven

Fen had woken up on the couch, tucked with a pillow and a blanket, as the sun filtered through the window and hit its ray right into her face. Grumbling and exhausted, she had tried to fall asleep, but her head was spinning from the conversation she had with her dad and still questioning her feeling toward Bayler. Probably not knowing right away how to answer was the proof that she was not in love. She decided to write to Olive. Her friend was always blunt about those kinds of things, and she needed to be brought back to sense. 

After bathing herself and preparing for the day, she went to feed the chicken and came back to the kitchen realizing they didn't have bread. Her stomach couldn't wait for her to make a new loaf so she indulged herself in a bowl of oatmeal that no amount of honey and fruits could make it taste good. Then, she started to gather all the ingredient to make bread that, hopefully, will be ready in time for tonight. 

She took most of the morning to write a lengthy letter to Olive, describing the past two days and all her emotion and confusion. She could almost see her friend's eye gleam with excitement at this juicy gossip which made her chuckle on her own. Her red sparrow didn't seem to appreciate the weight of his delivery today, but she manages to bribe him into accepting by giving him the last berries they had. He took his time to eat them before flying away, and Fen wondered if she was starting to spoil him a bit too much. 

She could hear her father hammering in his shop, which reassured her in a way. Going back to their routine was important to him. She was still afraid to see the broken, drunken man she saw on her bed. 

By the time she was done with everything she had wanted to do, it was time to make lunch. She probably should bring food to her father's since he missed a day of work yesterday. Plus she heard him talk with customers who perhaps lead toward more work. Which was great. More job, more money, more food. Maybe, with a bit more like this, she could convince him that she could live away. In Brighthaven maybe. She could say Emlyn would be there if something happens. 

Waiting for her soup to boil, she sighed and rubbed her neck. Curiosity made her peak out the window to see a group of strange looking people, visibly nervous and waiting for someone. One of them must be talking with her father. She frowns and shook her head. She has seen her share of strange people with time and was not worried for her father safety. As a sword maker, he did know how to handle a blade if needed. 

Remembering her father complaining about the lack of firewood near his outdoor heat oven, she walked back to the door of the house, near the chicken house, where they store the wood all year long. She needed to keep busy. Otherwise, her brain would go back to the past few days, and she needed to move on, or at least not dwell on things she can't change anymore. She took a deep breath and let herself be sad one last time before continuing her day. 

Which she did. After letting herself be overwhelmed by emotion, she calmed down, wiped her tears and walk back in the heated oven of her father's outdoor forge. The customers were talking between each other, and she decided it was best if she acted quickly; the last thing she wanted was to cost her father a job. She placed the logs on a nearby table and walked inside without even glancing at them, hoping they didn't notice her. 

''Papa?'' Fen said, almost jumping of fright when she saw him in the kitchen, leaning on the table.   
''Fen'' He said with a slow and careful voice. '' We need to talk. ''


	43. Thirty-Eight

Olive was fixing the last detail of an intricate hairstyle that would fit her wedding dress. Her mother's wedding dress. How could she have woken up this morning in a typical day to finish the day getting ready for her marriage? Sometimes, it felt like the Gods liked to play with her life and make it a cruel joke. At least that's how it felt.

Just as her father promised her possible happiness with a man she could allow herself to love, that door close to her face within hours; the group of strangers were not customers but Children of Earth. And one of them had the blood of the future High King. 

The moment after her father had told her about who they were, Fen felt a coldness around her heart that didn't leave yet. She had witnesses who would be her future husband, a tall man with dark hair and hollow eyes. She fleed into her backyard to let herself take a moment, allowing the last tear she promised herself to spill over this cursed blade. One of the Children of Earth, a petite brunette with a bright pink vest, came to comfort her, but mostly she only put dread into her heart. She was the best friend of her future husband and probably didn't expected him to get married today. 

At least Fen had prepared half her life for it. He'd walk into a trap that he couldn't get out. 

Fen went back to her house, unable to hear more of the Child of Earth strange speaking, nor their looks. She needed to get ready and do what she promised her father she would. Fear swallowed her, and she tried to breathe it out, but no calming exercise could prepare you for an arranged marriage to happen in a few hours. 

Meanwhile, Fen's father had gone to get Alistair who took care of contacting people that could help to get the wedding ready. He hasn't spoken to her yet, but he'd sent her Olive, which was a blessing in its own way. Both men were getting the backyard ready for an impromptu wedding and, from what she heard, Emlyn and his family would come soon enough. 

''I can't believe you are accepting to do this. '' Olive said, putting the final touch into a complicated braid that rounded her hair. She'd said that sentence at least five times since she arrived and Fen had to explain to her friend the real reason why she stayed at her house all those years ago.  
''I have to. '' Fen said, looking up at her friend through the mirror.   
''No you don't.''   
'' For my family, for Fillory. Yes, I do. '' Fen said calmly, not sure if she was trying to convince her friend of herself. 

There was a silence where Olive turned her friend to face her and kissed her head before going to grab the makeup bag she had the brilliant idea to bring. This was a thing she didn't own at her father's house. 

''I...Is it strange that I'm not crying or panicking over this? I know I prepared all my life for this but... I mean... Part of me wished and hoped that it would never happen. That I would be without a husband. Bayler get my hand refused, and forty-eight hours later I am to get married to a stranger? And I feel...''

Fen shrug, unable to explain the cold numbness that was growing in her chest. It felt a bit like those moments when, younger, she had to take care of her father because he was unable to do it himself. It felt like that time at the explosion of High Town. Her instinct was leading more than her head and her heart. If she was allowing herself to do that, she would be a mess and wouldn't be able to go through the wedding. 

''I always told you that you were a strange girl'' Olive teased. But both girls were not really in the mood to laugh, and the joke fell flat. ''Whatever makes you go through this, don't question it. You can explode later alright? I'm already in Whitespire, so I'll be a couple of halls away.''  
'' Oh it's true!'' Said Fen, managing a true small smile. ''That's something positive to look forward to I guess. ''  
''I am not leaving you alone into this, I promise. Now stop tearing up, you are ruining your make up!'' 

When Fen brothers came to get her, they both stop at the door, speechless. It was weird to see those two tall and bulky men melting like puddles at the sight of her, but once again, it warmed her heart.

''You look amazing,'' Emlyn said going to her and giving her a bone-crushing hug. 

Her mother's wedding dress was not the most regal thing, and if she'd had the time she could have been able to fix many of the small details into it. But she liked how imperfect it was. It was a mid-knee dress made of cotton and tule. It should be bright white, but time had made it more beige which, in her opinion, was prettier with the traditional green highlights on the sleeves and over her collar and her flower crown. The color was to symbolize the rebirth after a cold winter and how a new life can blossom from the union. Maybe she should see it that way. See this marriage as a new adventure, a blank slate where she would become someone her fate always wanted her to be. 

''Thank you for coming. '' She said to Emlyn before hugging Alistair.   
''Of course, it was never a question. '' Said the latter.  
''Are you sure you want to do this?'' Emlyn asked, looking at her with concern. 

No. She was terrified. If they were not there, she would probably hide in her room and never leave. Nervousness started to leak through her frozen heart, and she tried to shove it back into nothingness; it was not time to fail her father at the last moment. 

''Yes.'' She said, taking a deep breath and trying to smile.

If her brother believed her, they didn't say. The both escorted her to the backyard that had been transformed over the course of the afternoon into a makeshift altar for the wedding. She should notice the people who were present or how amazing it was that they manage to pull everything within a few hours. But she couldn't. Because at the end of the altar, her father was waiting, with her husband to be.

Shaking a bit, she put pressure in her brothers' hand, and they both answered back before she took a deep breath and walked in the aisle toward a destiny she promises to embrace when she was eleven. This had been a life-changing decision and, apparently, still was now. Her father hugged her when she arrived, pulling her tight in an embrace that meant more than any words could ever convey. 

''You look as beautiful as your mother.'' He whispers into her ear which made her heart skipped a beat. 

Never he'd compare her to her mother before. 

After a small smile to him, she turned toward her future husband. He was still wearing the same clothes as he probably didn't bring extra clothes for an arranged marriage his friend prepared for him without knowing. His hollow eyes were now more alive and present. The fire from the torch around them made them twinkle with something mischievous that she couldn't help but find intriguing.   
''Eliot. '' He presented himself, extending his arm toward her.   
''Fen'' She answered back, taking both his hand as the tradition was. 

His touch was gentle and warm. The both smile awkwardly at each other. She realized she didn't even know his name until this moment. 

''Will you marry me?'' He asked. 

Yes. For better or for worst. For her family and Fillory. Yes, she will.


End file.
